Preconceived notion = prejudgment?
Comments (43) We all have preconceived notions of how people will react when we tell them certain things about ourselves, right? And those notions are probably based on past experience, and the result of us trying to prepare to encounter that situation again.
But when do preconceived notions put us on the defensive and make us prejudge someone?
Data won’t lie. He’s all judgement, all the time.
Let’s see if I can explain what’s in my head, today.
A simple example is me telling someone I am vegan. I get a lot of the same responses – “I could never give up bacon,” “I would go vegetarian but my spouse likes meat too much,” “I could become vegetarian but I like eggs and cheese too much to become vegan*,” “Animals exist for us to eat,” etc. What is interesting is that almost everyone wants to explain to me why veganism/vegetarianism wouldn’t work for them. They probably have a preconceived notion of someone saying they are vegan then getting lectured! But! I am not like that. I don’t like to tell people what to do,** or persuade them to change… I am just doing my own thing. Peace, dude.
Oops. I get off track.
So, it’s obvious I have an idea of how people are going to react when I tell them that I am vegan. And I use that idea to prep myself on how to react… to their reaction. If that makes any sense. Because I feel awkward when I tell someone I am vegan and they tell me why they never could be. I am just sharing information, yo. It’s okay that we’re not all the same. That makes life interesting! But when someone reacts that way to me, I feel like I have to be all “it’s not that hard!”*** and sometimes I throw in “a lot of people say that”… um, to comfort them? Let them know they are not alone? Anyways. This wasn’t supposed to be about veganism. Oopsie.
So… it’s good to be prepared to react to something, right? So you don’t sound like an awkward jerk? But what about when we just assume how someone is going to react and let that assumption form an idea of that person in our head? Is that fair?! (no)
The reason I was thinking about this is because I recently had my annual appointment with my gynecologist, and I think I have some ideas about her opinions of me that aren’t fair. But let me back up. When I moved out here and it was time for me to select doctors, I didn’t know many people yet to ask for recommendations, so I used two criteria: in my network (duh) and in a nice facility. So, I ended up picking out a doctor and a gynecologist in the same brand new building. And it turns out that my gynecologist is also a fertility specialist.
So the first few years of appointments, she would ask me a lot about planning for children. And I am ashamed to admit that I left those first few appointments feeling like I was wasting her time. I knew I didn’t want to have children. Since she was a fertility specialist, I had a preconceived notion that when I told her I (still) didn’t plan on having kids, that she would feel like I should pick another doctor or something. Like, “if this chick doesn’t want children, why is she seeing me? Ugh.”
But. Duh. She was accepting new patients. And we don’t all have to utilize her specialty! It’s called a specialty for a reason. Sigh. Now I am totally over it, but I feel bad that those first few years I let myself think that, and let that thought influence my opinion of her. She’s a great doctor. I feel really lucky that I found her, randomly, with my bizarro search criteria.
So. Yeah. I think sometimes we used preconceived notions as a safety net, and that is sometimes a good thing… but sometimes it isn’t!
What preconceived notions do you have about how someone may react when you tell them certain things about yourself?
*Woo hoo for peeps who know t!he difference between vegetarian and vegan!
**Except at strength class
***It really isn’t
Themocracy