Is being a homebody bad?
Do you consider yourself a homebody? Or the opposite of a homebody?
For awhile, I was worried I was turning in to a homebody. I enjoyed working from home so much, and NOT commuting three hours every weekday, that it made me not want to travel in to the city that often.
And that made me feel bad.
For a second.
Duh. Why would I want to travel 50 miles one way often, for work or entertainment? That’s ridiculous! Not wanting to do that all the time doesn’t make me a homebody. It just means I want to live a life outside of commuting.
Steven and I have met people who assume there is NOTHING to do in the suburbs, and think we MUST go in to the city each weekend so we don’t die of boredom. No. No, no, no.
Anyway. I do enjoy time at home. I don’t need to go out every night. But more often than not, I find myself leaving the house a few times a day for activities. And that, with a balance of being at home some nights, makes me feel the best.
I was thinking about this this morning because I know people who I would consider to be more of a homebody than myself. They leave the home to work, run errands, see people, etc. … but they don’t like it. They’re uncomfortable. They are unwilling to try activities outside of their norm. They prefer to stay in their home every night, and rarely travel. They want to stick to what they know.
And I think that is why homebody has a negative connotation. And why google came up with this when I searched for the definition:
“Perceived as unadventurous.” Yeah. That’s honestly how I view those people.
And that is why I said “I was worried I was turning in to a homebody.” I was thinking that enjoying time at home and not commuting all the time and wanting to go in to the city often made me unadventurous. It doesn’t. Ha. But I can definitely see how it would make other people view me that way!
But the real question is… why do I see “adventurous” as an important quality for people to have?! Why can’t they just be happy with what they know?
When I lived in Rome in college, a classmate of mine said she’d probably never leave the states again after she got back. And she probably won’t. She moved back to her hometown right after graduation and is still there.
And there is NOTHING wrong with living in your hometown! But why say, “I’ll never travel outside of the states again?!” Gah! I get such a rush off of seeing/discovering new places (domestic and abroad) and trying new things… why limit yourself?
Because we’re all different and not everyone enjoys that. I know, I know.
But adventure is important to me.
It’s funny. I know quite a few people who spend a lot of money to vacation at the same places each year (hey – not much different than us always traveling to where friends/family are)… and I want to be like “try something new!” I mean, I know if you love something, you want to go there over and over ( like us with restaurants), but come on! When we went to Aruba, one of the people on our flight was on their 20th trip there. I guess I’d just want to see more.
Ha. What do I know? And what does that have to do with being a homebody? Not much. That’s just me wishing we had time/money to see all the places we want to see!
And I’m aware of all the contradictions / hypocritical statements in this post – 1. me saying I don’t like the commute but questioning people who don’t like to travel, 2. saying it’s lame to go to the same places year after year, when I do that, 3. implying that homebodies cannot be adventurous without leaving the house (not true at all – for all I know, they try a new recipe each night, etc.), 4. implying there’s no adventure in exploring US soil (ha – we all know how much I loved SLC), 5. The biggest one of all – knowing I do need time at home to recharge or I get really worn out from doing too much!
Themocracy
I’m totally a homebody, too, and I’m okay with it. I also like to get out and explore, but home is where I feel the best and recharge. When we go on long trips I love it, but toward the end I start to get cranky and emotional because I just need to be home and back in familiar space, with familiar routines and tasks and surroundings!
Oh yes! After a long trip it’s so nice to go HOME! I love getting back to my typical eats (SALAD!) when I get home too 🙂
At the end of any long trip I long to be home (with my puppies! and my bed! and my kitchen!) and the commute back always seems to take twice as long as the commute to our destination!
I am always so happy to get back to our comfortable bed and pillows! 🙂
I agree with what Kim ^^^ said. I consider myself a homebody because I like being at home and am comfortable there but it doesn’t feel negative for me. I like to try new things and go new places but I like home the best 🙂
Total homebody here! One thing I don’t get is the vacation all the time at the same place. We do, simply because it’s a family thing but I often complain about it! 🙂
Do you vacation somewhere with your family that is not their home? Like… you are paying to stay somewhere (if that makes sense). We visit family and friends a lot, and that makes most of our vacation… but it’s their homes.
My parents always, always, always vacationed at only two places. It began as staying with cousins when we would go but then it just became the norm. I understand we didn’t have a ton of money growing up but it was surprising to me when they would continue to go to the same two places all the time. Now that my dad has retired they have branched out a bit and are enjoying it. My brother and I also forced them to go to different place by buying them hotel/plane tickets for gifts over the years (hotel in NYC and a plane ticket to Houston to visit my aunt (my dad’s first time on a plane. He would never have gotten on a plane if we hadn’t already purchased the ticket for him).
Communiting and traveling are two totally different things. I don’t (usually) hate my commute, but I certainly don’t enjoy communiting like I enjoy traveling.
I think my default is to be more of a homeboy, but I handle being…what’s the opposite of a homebody?…well. My ex had some serious anxiety issues so when we were together, we spent the vast majority of our time at home, and 98.9% of the time, I was okay with that. My current partner is a social butterfly so we’re out all the time. Sometimes I do find it exhausting, but the majority of the time I enjoy it!
Thank you! They are different but in my mind I was feeling like a hypocrite 😉
That is great that you can handle going from one extreme to the other! 🙂 What kind of things do you guys like to do?
Thinking about it, we pretty much stick to “homebody” activities we just do them socially – lots of eating (both at restaurants and BBQ/potluck style), bon fires, and board games.
I married a homebody. He’s an introvert while I’m an extrovert. We’ve had to negotiate a lot of our plans because for me, a weekend seeing friends or going our is not exhausting but it is for him. He needs a day where he just nerds and watches sci-fi or the military channel and eats bagels (no joke). I get kind of bored sitting around all weekend. Luckily he does like to go on adventures, particularly to the ocean which we can both enjoy.
I think Steven is similar to Mr Darcy in that matter – needs that recharge entire unplanned day each weekend.
I married a big time homebody. And I used to be okay with this but now that I do live in an area where there are so many things I want to try or places I want to go it can be difficult to not feel resentful of the fact that he doesn’t want to do any of that. Thankfully I have friends who will do some things with me 🙂
As for travel, though, it’s not my favorite. I get really anxious about it ahead of time. Once I’m there I’m usually okay but the thinking about it and the planning of it tends to overwhelm me.
You do have so many cool things around you… and access to lots of other things too! I am happy you have friends who want to check it out 🙂
I’m in a similar boat – Robert and I don’t always enjoy doing the same things together (hello running/racing). I’ve come to realize that’s OK, and it’s perfectly fine that we DON’T do everything together. Although I do need more friends that I can do my fun stuff with (other than running).
It’s interesting that you wrote about this because it’s something I have been thinking about a lot since I’ve gone from travelling full time for work to working at home full time. It seems to me like the more time I spend at home, the more I become a home-body. When I am in the flow of being super busy and gone at a lot, I don’t mind not spending so much time at home. But once I get used to being at home, it is so much harder to get out! I even get so bored and tired of being in my house, and yet turn down invitations. My house is like a black hole. Once I am in it, it is hard to get me out.
Yes! That is what I felt like – more time at home, more of a homebody! I just don’t want to leave. I am so comfy. Ha!
I don’t think I consider myself a homebody? But to an extent I do. I don’t go out and “explore” maybe because I’m a broke college student.. but I do WANT to lol I have recently been thinking I’m somewhat “lame” because I don’t party every weekend like my friends do.. I don’t even drink. But I mean, if it doesn’t catch my attention or don’t really mind I’m not partying, eh. who cares haha.
if my friends wanted to go for a long run/bike or travel somewhere for a race, IM IN! (too bad my college friends aren’t into racing 🙁 womp womp lol)
That long commute. I wouldn’t dig it either. 50 miles?! You’re lucky to be able to work from home 🙂
Oh gosh! I felt that way in school. I was not in to drinking or partying… I just studied all the time! I am more like you, up for outdoor activities, dinner, etc. 🙂
I am totally a homebody. Home is so comfy and relaxing, and sometimes it’s nice to just chill out and not have to deal with crowds. Plus, it’s cheap. 🙂 Sometimes, if you’re on a budget, it can be hard to find things to do outside the home that don’t cost a ton of money.
I found this list that was justifications people can give to others to defend for being homebodies (lol) and budget was on there! Ha ha. It definitely saves money 🙂
I am for sure. I sometimes get excited about canceled plans. I like my home and the people I share it with, so I’m happy to chill on the couch with a great book.
I enjoy travel, but I enjoy traveling back home just as much 🙂
My mom is an Unadventurous homebody. She is totes content to not leave her house (in a rural area) and should she leave her house, she doesn’t go far, and goes to the SAME freaking places and shuns new places.
I could not be further from her. I love trying new things, leaving my house and exploring new places. I like visiting some of the same places, but LOVE and desire to see new places and experiences. We have our favorite restaurants, but enjoy trying new places. I am only limited to exploring by having CB and having to work- otherwise id just be a nomad. Life is too short to stay in one place and do the same things.
Aww man, she totally must not get how you have traveled and lived in different places. Isn’t it funny how we end up so different from family?!
She sounds like my mom-in-law, down to living in a rural area. I think she LIKES that she doesn’t really know anyone within 40 miles of her.
So many thoughts … for one thing, I’ve lived in “Chicagoland” my entire life … almost all of them in Cook County. And I love Chicago, and if I never move away, I will be super happy with that. BUT, I do wish I could travel more and see more places. I’m really bummed that being tight on money means travel very rarely enters our budget. (Hopefully that will change once things get a little more comfortable.)
Also, my sis-in-law is a bit of a homebody – she’s a SAHM, and has openly admitted that she enjoys staying at home on the weekends too. However, when she (and my bro & niece) do go out, they often do THINGS. Go to museums, shows, the circus, etc. So, I think that’s a good balance of enjoying the comforts of home, and maximizing the time you do spend away from home.
As for city vs. suburbs … I know that the suburbs CAN be enjoyed, but I live in such a DEAD part of the suburbs it drives me mad. But I really enjoyed when we lived in Downers Grove. So much more to do there. But I’m really excited at the prospect of living in Chicago-proper again, and not just for the shorter commute to work.
Also, on the days I do work from home, I look for reasons to LEAVE the house (go to the gym, go for a run, run errands). And if it’s 5pm and I haven’t set food outside, I feel so antsy. I think I understand why SAHM’s are so anxious for their spouse to get home from work. Because I feel that way about Robert when I work from home.
I kind of love how quiet and deadzone our suburb is… but I prefer that! It’s great that there is something for everyone out here! You are going to love being back in the city!
Steven and I work from home together, so I never feel anxious for anyone to be in the house with me (I rather crave time to myself) but I think he is happy when I come home, on the days I work downtown! 🙂
I am a homebody mostly because of the cost of things, we go to playgrounds and walks, but honestly the money is part of our issue.
Hey as long as you are happy, don’t worry about what other people are doing. I am a homebody for sure. Everything I want is here and I feel stressed out, not adventurous, when I travel.
I need to work on that more – not worrying about other people. What made me think of this is that someone visited our home and acted uncomfortable a lot of the time they were here… and there was nothing I could do. So I was thinking they just feel more at ease in their own home.
Wait, there’s things to do in the suburbs? I kid. There’s plenty to do! I think people who say that about the suburbs must be very young and kind of annoying, and probably hang out in the parts of the city that I hate.
BUT! I think the fact that you’re always finding cool stuff to do around the ‘burbs makes you not a homebody! Anyone can find stuff to do in the city. And I’m glad you do come to the city to hang out from time to time! 🙂 I was saying to Bob on Saturday that I wished we didn’t live 50 miles apart, I had so much fun with you!
I think I’m somewhere in between a homebody and not a homebody. Working from home as much as I do makes me want to get out of the house and do things at night and on weekends, but I do like being home and having downtime too. Bob will come home from work and I want to get out and do stuff, and he just wants to be at home and relax, so I probably don’t go out as much as I might otherwise. So add me to the list of those that need local friends to hang out with – most of my closest ones are at least an hour away! Thanks, urban sprawl!
Maybe they are the same people who think you don’t live in Chicago!!!! 😉
Sigh. I felt that way on Saturday too. It was such a nice day to hang out… I had so much fun and wish we weren’t so far away either. And I wish our run dates still worked. Stupid Monday night class 😉
That is interesting that being home makes you want to get out! Sometimes the longer I do it the less I want to leave the house! But I usually want to exercise outside at least once a day!
Oh yes, because “the city” just refers to downtown.
Yeah, way to be awesome and start teaching a class on Monday nights. I guess I’ll just have to come back. Maybe after the half, since I’m in a pretty good training groove now. And obvi I’ll NEVER run again after that, hahaha!
I could probably be perceived as being a homebody when I’m not on vacation. I usually only go into the city when I have to work (or when friends/family visit and want to go). I do like adventure and traveling though but when I get home from work I don’t usually want to go out too often. We do things on the weekends though and have gotten better at fitting things in after work. My husband is much more of a homebody than I am. He enjoys our vacations but does love his home time.
I am a total homebody who LOVES traveling! I love spending weekends at home where I just putz around the house and do barely anything productive. But I also like busy weekends so I guess I need a balance of being busy and having time to myself. But traveling, yes. I *love* traveling! Sometimes, I tend to gravitate towards the same place (I have had people “tell” me I should do something besides cruising many times!) to which I say: to each their own. I do want to see some other places (mainly some big cities in the good ole US of A. I am frighteningly not well-traveled in my own country!) but cruising is also my favorite thing to do.
Every time you comment, the more and more similar I think we are 🙂
You are seeing different places when you cruise, no?
I have a lot to see in the US as well! I still have not been to CA. And I want to visit a lot of the national parks 🙂
Once again, I love this post. And you know I am totally THAT person you described who visits the same place over and over (Umm, hello, NYC)! But I am ready for new adventures. Mike is a total homebody and hates to travel, and I am always ready for something new. We definitely have had to compromise on this (like, I went to Europe with a friend), but it works!
You know I am guilty of going to NYC a lot! Not sure if it’s any better that we were visiting friends? Because I would still like to go back now… but it wouldn’t be the same.
That is awesome that you went to Europe with a friend. I would love to do that! Steven would want to go though. It’s just hard since he runs his own business. Does Mike ever feel like that, having his own gig?
I like to think a bit of a combo…I don’t LOVE going out all the time, and I’m perfectly happy sitting on my couch by myself. It’s hard for some people to understand this, and sometimes I feel the need to go out and do things just because that’s “more acceptable” or whatever.
That being said, I do travel all over the place…I’ve never understood people who go to the same place year after year after year. I guess some people know what they like, but don’t you want to see something new? See also: now I’m the one judging people. 🙂
Can I be a homebody with an adventurous side?
I think so! That is kind of what I was trying to get at when I was talking about people who prefer to be at home, but are still checking out new stuff (recipes, whatever).
I think I’m sort of a homebody, and I’m admittedly not very adventurous with a lot of things (roller coaster, violent movies, blah blah blah). I also wonder why being adventurous (and all the related characteristics: spontaneity, rule-breaking, etc.) are culturally superior. That’s the impression I get, anyway. Like, I think people would call me a homebody because I’m not adventurous in the “traditional” sense–I like routine and security and consistency. But I don’t think I’m un-fun (though I’m sure people think that I am). Maybe we need to re-brand HOMEBODY and make it cool again!
Ahh, now that is REALLY interesting. Because, I consider myself adventurous, but I am mostly a rule-follower and love structure and security… I have a hard time working with people who break the rules just because they don’t like them. I think that makes them as ass, not adventurous.