Not worth it
You know which post on my blog has been getting the most traffic for years? You might be surprised. It’s a post I wrote in April of 2009 about a Crystal Renn swimsuit photo shoot, called “Props to Glamour and my “eye patch and dental floss bikini story.”
In the post I talked about how pleased I was that Glamour had a realistically sized model showcasing swimsuits. Then I had to share the ridiculous story behind this suit of mine:
Heh heh heh.
My mom called that my “eye patch and dental floss” bikini, because it showed so much skin. I wore it in Spain in summer of 2002. Geesh, mom, you know women go topless there, too, right?!
Moving on.
I think that is probably the last time I wore a bikini? For the past few winters, I have thought to myself, “Hey! I should work on slimming down! Maybe I’ll wear a bikini this summer!”
And… it’s never happened (the slimming down or bikini part).
Now. I am not one to be ashamed of how I look. I run around shirtless in the summer. I don’t feel like I have to “cover up” my body. I’ll wear a one-piece to the beach. It’s more practical for the type of running around/playing I am doing anyway (you don’t want your bikini bottoms sliding off when you are tubing/skiing/being stupidly reckless).
But why do I come back to this thought, every year? It seems so stupid!!! What does wearing a bikini even say? I am proud of my body? I am not ashamed of my body? Well geesh, I feel that way now, and I don’t have to wear a bikini to feel it.
Yikes. This post is not going where I thought it would, but I kind of like it.
So. The reason I was thinking about all this, is because I was wondering what it would take to have more defined abs. Something more than a “flat” stomach (Uhh… not that I have that now. Mexican food for dinner. Not oops.)
So I ran across this random article in Competitor (click to see larger) – “Get Six-Pack Abs.”
And you know what I decided?
It’s not worth it.
Caring that much about how I look, is just NOT worth it. I don’t want to think about it that much. And I don’t want to be so strict with my diet, either. I am going to be making soft abs in my kitchen, and I don’t care.
Of course. I didn’t actually TRY to get defined abs, nor did I obsess over it, or ever feel bad about how my stomach looks… I just played this all out in my head as I read that little blurb and thought… “no thanks.”
I drafted up a whole “not worth it” blog post with a list of items that I don’t particularly care about… but it got a bit negative. So, we’ll skip posting that. You can tell me though…
What’s on your “not worth it” list?
And here’s another question – why do people care so much about how they look in swimming suits? I mean, I am in one maybe… 5 days a year? Maybe 10? Seems like a lot of trouble for such a short amount of time.
Oops, I got so caught up in this, I forgot – I wanted to add the link to the article that inspired the “Think of it as ‘passing’” post. Here it is (pdf here).
Themocracy
I completely agree!! After having three kids, the stomach is not what it used to be. It will never be flat, six packed, or free from unsightly stretch marks, but I do always fantasize about the bikini. Like those were the good old days (so weird!). I hate swimsuit shopping and always freak out about how I look in a suit. I think this may be the most confident I’ve ever been… Running around shirtless though? Don’t know if I’m there yet 😉 Wish I had your confidence! You go girl!
It we run this summer, I will get you to go shirtless. When it gets hot enough, it will happen! 🙂
First off, we’d better be running together! Second, I don’t know about that shirtlessness…. Guess only time will tell! Maybe if we run in the dark 😉
We definitely are!!! 🙂
And the trick for me is to wear high waist running shorts. Ha ha ha 🙂
she is very persuasive. It may have happened to me once. It may have been heat exaustion causing me to hallucinate that I looked ok, but in the moment, I totally didn’t care…
This strikes so close to home – I don’t even LIKE swimming or the beach, but my goal when I started losing weight was to be able to wear a swimsuit this summer. A bikini, specifically.
Why? I don’t know. To prove I had something to show off, I guess?
Obviously that’s not happening now, and I’m not disappointed. If I hit the beach it’ll be in a maternity swimsuit, which means it’s unlikely because who wants to shell out $30 for a swimsuit you will wear once, and literally can’t wear again because it’s made for when you have a gigantic belly. -shrugs-
Abs are cool and all, but I think cookies are cooler.
I just thinking eating carbs, is cooler, in general!
Even when trying to lose weight my goal has never been to wear a bikini. I may be too modest for them in general. I will wear a tankini because I like that style but I think I’ll leave the bikini to someone else.
Sadly thanks to 2 kids, 2 csections, my abs have parted ways and only will be reunited by surgery to fix diastasis recti aka tummy tuck. It’s not that I want washboard abs and will be lounging (HAHAHA) around in a bikini I just would like to be able to wear a tankini without worrying about a muffin top peeking out from under. Last year I bought a tankini and my words were “I will not be this size next year!” and hahaha. I’m still there. Maybe if I did a complete haul of my eating, no chinese, no alcohol I can really put an effort into it but I don’t want to deprive myself of something I love. But then again do I love myself more than food and booze? Ok Kim now you have me thinking.
Ugh. I don’t even want to think about my obsession with food vs. my love for my health. LA LA LA NOT LISTENING LA LA LA 😉
Totally not worth it. And I seriously wonder what I would actually have to do to achieve it. I am naturally more “apple” shaped and carry weight around my midsection–When I was 25 and wore a size 0/2 I STILL didn’t have abs!
Haha I always stress out about having to wear a bathing suit but like you, I’m on the beach or at a non-gym pool maybe 5 times a year. Plus, I’m sure being self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit draws more attention to my body than if I was acting confident. Another perfect example of when my mind doesn’t quite control my actions.
I’m starting to learn that in order for me to live a happy, balanced life there are certain things that just aren’t worth it. I could eat a really strict diet to lose weight but I’d miss going out to eat and having a glass of wine. I could do two-a-days and try to get faster but I like being home and relaxing some days after work.
Great post….totally agree. Not worth it…that is the beauty of living in the midwest for sure. There are many more things I would rather focus my energy on.
Ha ha ha! Yes! That is a good reason to live in the Midwest 😉
See…I’m definitely all for building core strength. I think having a strong core is the basis for a lot of fitness and can really benefit a person’s athletic goals in general. I recently bought Jillian Michael’s Six Week Six Pack DVD, in fact, because I want to seriously commit to developing a stronger core. However, I did NOT buy that DVD to get a six pack. In fact, I have absolutely no expectation that it will lead to a six pack, or even necessarily make my stomach flatter at all. I knew my lack of core strength had a negative impact on my breakdancing (oh, my life. I’m not even kidding. The whole this-could-benefit-my-running! thing didn’t even cross my mind…I just want to have the strength to hold myself up in a handstand and other poses hahaha), and because of that I wanted to really work on improving my core STRENGTH, not my core LOOK. I think that’s so much more important than obsessing over just how flat my abs are or are not. Striving to have such a “perfect” part of your body seems like such a useless exercise to me. I mean, even those guidelines from Competitor show that the only real way you’re going to get a six pack is to restrict restrict restrict, and who wants to live that way? Talk about a slippery slope to a full blown eating disorder. I’d rather know for myself that I have strong abs that are hidden behind a layer of squish because I’m actually feeding myself than have abs that would get me on the cover of Shape while depriving myself.
Ha ha ha! It’s so funny you mention the abs under the squish because I was just talking to Bobbi (http://zeroto26point2.blogspot.com/) and she was saying she knows she has nice abs under there. I do too. I do a ton of core work. I was still sore yesterday from all the stupid core work I made my Monday night class do! So work your core, yes!!! 🙂 But yeah, stay away from that scary slippery slope of eating perfectly to get it to look a certain way.
I am with you on this!!! I want to have a strong core because it makes me feel better, makes everyday activity easier, and is good for my body. But I am well past the age of ever thinking I’ll have a six pack. I come from a line of apple shaped women, it is almost genetically impossible for me. I just would like to look less like I’m pregnant. 😉
As I think I mentioned to you via email, I gave up sugar because it makes me more energetic and balances my mood. I have not dropped a pound. I DO need to lose some weight for a variety of reasons, but that’s not what changing my diet was about.
What is the point of living long or looking good if you are miserable?
YES! Thank you! I want to find that happy balance, not restrict and feel miserable.
I harken back to what a weightlifter friend of mine used to say about him ever getting six pack abs: “I will never get six pack abs, because I like beer too much.” He was very happy with his decision, and it sounds like you are too. Yes, it’s just not worth it! 🙂
Did your Dad email you yet? 😉
It doesn’t matter how much I would ever care about it – without surgery, bikin worthy isn’t possible for me. And I am ok with that. I would rather have a strong as hell core than to LOOK like I do. That said, if I came into a windfall of money, you’d better believe that surgery would be considered. But more to look better IN my clothes.
Organic food is on my don’t care list. I am 100% ok with regular food and produce. But I like to support my local farmers market…
No! Tell me! Too lazy to go back and proofread 😉
AHH! You answered my question! LOL! Organic food. Ha ha ha. I am so with you on that one.
Agreed – organic food is on my dont care list! I was raised on regular grocery store produce with some home grown stuff and farmers markets stuff. I turned out ok.
Organic food – definitely agree! I feel like I should care but then I look at the prices and I’m like meh!
I love farmers markets (and everything from my mom’s garden) because I like supporting local business and because I think it actually tastes better when it is so fresh.
Great post, Kim. Surely people who care about being in swimsuits either (1) live in warmer climates and wear them almost year round, or (2) live in colder climates and want people to notice their hot bods, not their ghastly white skin! hahaha.
Hot lady!!
Ok. Here I go: buckle your seatbelt.
I agree that 6 pack abs are not worth it. I’ll probably be pregnant within a few years so why kill myself over 6 pack when it will disappear? Also, the extreme change in food intake + working out doesnt fit within my life. I love all the delicious foods (cheese + craft beers. All of them)
But. Instead of “giving” up and feeling gross (like I currently do about my midsection) and accepting how we look but (secretly or not so complain about it) why not make an effort to get leaner through better eating and working out? Yeah, I run 30 miles a week but still have a gut. Maybe if I make a small effort to do more core work, strength train, eat a bit healthier I’ll gain some muscle and get leaner and feel better. I’m willing to eat better 80% of the time and indulge on weekends. I know I’ll feel happier physically and mentally if I can change this problem area.
Forget bikini season. I haven’t worn a bathing suit in forever! Why not shift the focus to look good in clothing? Hell, I want to look fantastic naked….. For me! (And my L) 🙂
So maybe what I’m saying is why throw our hands up in the air and say a 6 pack is impossible and do nothing. There is a huge grey are between our current body composition and a 6 pack and why *not* make a little extra effort to look and feel better- it is under our control if we want it
Yes! Thank you for writing this! I should edit the post to add this on. Don’t give up. Work on your core. Get leaner. Just… ugh, don’t obsess with that 6-pack and be crazy about it. It just doesn’t seem like something that is maintainable for a long time or worth the trouble. But it is worth the trouble for everyone to make a little effort to get them to where they feel comfortable!
I agree – being somewhere in the grey area is good. You don’t necessarily need the super defined mid section. But maybe with a little extra effort and eating good 80% of the time could in fact just help. Getting six pack abs takes an insane amount of self control and not eating cookies and I just don’t want to give up cookies completely. It is easier to give up eating lots of cookies instead. Not totally limiting yourself, but still eating pretty good.
Second this!! 🙂
First of all – I totally agree – not worth it! Life is too short not to love the body we have as it is, and make the most of it in a positive way by taking good care of it without out beating ourselves up and getting all obsessed.
Second of all, I went back and read the original post and I have to tell you, I love those pictures of Crystal Renn, too – she is gorgeous.
And third of all, I disagree with what you said in the original post that you did not look good in your little bikini – I think you looked great, and very body-confident, so props to you, my dear! I wish I had had your confidence when I was that age.
LOL, I was reading that old post too and was kind of embarrassed by it. I definitely feel the same way too, now 😉
LOVE Crystal Renn! Have you read her book?
See the thing is that I like to live in my bathing suit in the summer. When I am at my Mom’s on the island I am constantly doing things that involve getting wet. And while I would never go to a tanning salon, I do love to rock a tan from the real sun. I need that bathing suit time to even out my crazy sports bra and shorts tan from running/biking. I don’t care about about having a 6 pack, but I would like to at least get to the point where I don’t feel horribly self conscious in my suit. I want to go back to the time where I could wear a bathing suit with constantly critiquing myself and feeling like everyone must be looking at me.
You are one of the people who DOES have a reason to be in a suit a lot of the time 🙂 Woo hoo! I hope you are able to do that this summer without being so hard on yourself!
Yeah it’s a lot of work for only wearing a bikini 10 days out of the year. Although I wonder if I had a six pack, if I’d just wear a bikini all summer to show it off?! LOL I can always spray paint a six pack on with self-tanner, right?! 🙂
Ha ha ha! Yes! You can spray that on! My sister did that for her Halloween outfit last year 😉
I totally agree that six pack abs arent worth it. However I do believe in a strong core I still fall in the trap of wanting to wear a bikini. I love how I tan in the summer and the vitamin d is a big plus. However I have been constantly obsessing about how overweight I am that I dont see an end in sight for me to even wear a bikini. I want to wear a bikini because I want to love my body and flaunt it. Not to be gross or cocky. Great post Kim! 🙂
I hope you are able to lose that obsession and feel good about you! There will be an end in sight if you allow it 😉
Yes…abs are not worth it. Never been one to chase down looks at the sake of hunger, I like food too much. I’ve decided that likeability and popularity isn’t worth it years ago, probably when I was 16. Never found value in being what others want me to be for the sake of being liked. Seems stupid to me. So I am what I am and not what I’m not, take it or leave it!
And you’re lookin hot in your eye patch suit!
Amen to that!
Thanks 🙂
I think having strong abs is important for a runner. I don’t really think having the chiseled abs like a man is a good idea for a woman because that means your body fat is really low which can lead to other issues. Brian always says he doesn’t like girls with really defined muscles because its not as attractive. I just do my core exercises to make sure I stay strong and not get injured, beyond that I don’t strive to have all my ab muscles showing.
Yes! Strong abs good. Scary low body fat, bad. That article said 18% for women. I am NO WHERE near that. Ha ha ha.
Well I think you’re gorgeous either way 🙂
There’s always a little part of me that wonders “Could I do it?” but then I go out for Mexican food with my coworkers and realize that it’s no fun to miss out on life because I *might* someday have some arbitrary definition of “abs”.
Do I want them to be stronger? Hell yes. Would I be sad if getting stronger abs (and glutes) meant my body fat percentage dropped a point or two? Nope. But I’d rather be able to do all the things I want to do and do them well than be so focused on one goal that I miss out on a lot of others fun things.
I love your last sentence 🙂
This hits so close to home. For years, mine has been some incarnation of the same thing – either bikini or feeling comfortable running in just a sports bra. The abs thing is definitely my not worth it area as well. I need to remember it’s about working out to be stronger, not how it looks…but we all do it!
I definitely don’t think a 6-pack is worth it. I like to eat tasty food!
I find it interesting that I sometimes change my mind on whether something is worth it or not. I mean, I started noticing that I was gaining weight last year but didn’t do anything about it right away. This year I decided it was worth it to make some changes. I’ve done that in the past with things too such as setting time goals for races and weight lifting.
Also, even when I’ve been my heaviest I still wear bikinis. I don’t feel too self-conscience in them. I often think back to when I was thinner but a bit self-conscience about myself. I almost want to scold my former self for being self-conscience for no reason! I would still wear bikinis but be a little shy about it. I figure I might look back on my life and think I was being silly about being self-conscience in the first place so try not to be in the moment. Does that make sense?
Yeah. I get what you are saying. We have to enjoy life now!!!
The amount I care about things fluctuates very drastically for me, and that freaks me the eff out, because half (or more) the time I don’t care if I am healthy or not.
OMG, there are so many things that I could go on and on about in terms of what is not worth it. But I’ll go with one fell swoop for me that I don’t think it’s ever worth stressing out too much about ANYTHING at work. It’s just a job and there are much more important things to focus our time on!!! (And yes, I am writing this both as a response to your question as well as a reminder to myself…)
YES! That is a good one! A lot of times when I get stressed about work I try to remind myself that what I do is not life or death… for other people. Why do people make stuff so urgent and crazy?!
So I do that ab exercise recommended in Competitor (because I find it kind of fun… I know, what’s wrong with me??), and although I have a fairly flat stomach, I by no means have six pack abs! At all.
I had a bikini when I was about 8, and it was pretty cute and all, but I’ll never wear one again. It’s not because I think I’m not the right size/shape (and really, if I did feel that way no swimsuit in the world can hide that anyway, they’re, by nature, revealing!), but because I have a big ol’ surgical scar that runs all down my back (gosh you’re learning so much about that this week!). I’m finally okay with showing some of it – you could see a few inches of it in my wedding dress and in most swimsuits I wear anyway, but that took YEARS, and I just don’t ever want the whole thing out there. I feel like thoughts about scars is probably a different post that I’ve been meaning to write for a while, but anywho….
For me, getting down to a super small size, or any sort of “ideal weight” as defined by any BMI chart, weight watchers, etc. just isn’t worth it. I’m fit, strong, happy and healthy, and as long as those things are true, I don’t care what size I am.
YES! I love what you are saying. Fit, strong, happy and healthy – don’t have to look a certain way or be whatever weight people want. Eff that.
You should write that scar post! I would love to hear what you think 🙂
I was just thinking the other day “I bet I could lose weight and be skinnier if I really wanted to and worked at it.” But then I thought that I don’t really care. Yes I should lose a few pounds but it’s not worth it to me to give up the food I love.
Oddly enough it’s not my stomach or my lack of six pack that bother me in a swimsuit and I’ll still wear a bikini because I want to. The thing that makes me most self conscious is my chest and that’s also why I never run shirtless.
On my “not worth it” list, decorating. My apartment decor is severely lacking but I don’t want to spend money to buy new furniture and nice things so I don’t.
I’m starting to think this way too! What’s worth it to me is how good I feel! If I’m feeling confident it doesn’t really matter what my abs look like. 🙂
Love this – I wear bikinis but there are not tiny little strings involve. I also wear one piece suits. Want to guess which ones I prefer?! Yea, the one piece, because I’m not constantly adjusting everything! Especially if I’m doing anything remotely active. Heck, when I was taking swimming lessons I wore booty shorts and a sports bra! More comfortable and super cheap since I already owned them!
And I don’t hate my body, in any way. I kind of like it. Its the stigma that goes with the bikini that makes me less comfortable in them!
{disclaimer: I still wear the two piece more often, mostly because the neckline is lower so I don’t end up with odd tan lines…should probably buy a new one piece…}
Oh man, bathing suits. I think we talked about this last weekend, but I haven’t bought one in, like, ten years. Every time I go, I get depressed that the cuts pinch me in unflattering angles so that my generally nice body somehow becomes lumpy in the worst possible ways.
I realized awhile ago that I can’t even really tell the difference between “abs” and “a flat stomach.” I mean, when women want “abs,” do they want the same kind that men have? One time, I went through “Self” and pointed to all the pictures and said, “Does THIS girl have abs? Or does she just have a flat stomach? I don’t know what this means!” I don’t even think that chiseled, six-pack abs look that good on women, so for me, definitely not worth it.
Ha! I love how you said that – that your generally nice body somehow becomes lumpy in the worst possible ways. That is so true. I can be feeling awesome about myself then try something on and think “what happened to my rockin’ bod?!”
I was thinking 6-pack! I would love a nice flat stomach. I actually have an inspiration picture of Jillian Michaels on the bulletin board by my desk. Her stomach looks normal and a little defined but nothing crazy. That is what I would like. 😉
I NEVER had abs – all my life, I strove for abs. Now that I have them (from cutting out wheat), I LOVE THEM! I don’t care if it’s superficial. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them! I love having defined muscles. I know…it’s totally silly and immature but I’m going to enjoy my defined abs while I can!
LOL! Good for you! If you don’t mind cutting things out, you should do it! I know that wouldn’t work for me 😉 I don’t eat a lot of wheat now, but I can’t do any more food restrictions (being vegan is enough, ha ha).
This is such a great post!! I don’t think abs are worth it either, although I’m really working on my “guns” this year!!!!
On my “Not Worth It List” is dwelling on the past. It’s just not worth it. Must. Move. Forward.
And I do wear a bikini, but I only started last year. I got to the point where I don’t really care what others think of my body (not that they are looking really), but I wanted to buy a cute (actually two cute) bikinis last summer, so I did!! And the biggest deal of all? I wore them! For me it was more of a “you’re a confident, beautiful woman inside AND out” type thing though.
Yay! I love that you were rockin’ the bikinis! And I bet you WERE rockin’. You’re a cutie 🙂
The past! Yes! I had this quote on my phone lock screen for awhile about anytime we act how we did in the past, we are letting go of control of our future, blah blah blah. Um… it made sense. I swear.
I was once able to wear a tiny white bikini on a gorgeous beach in the Florida Keys. I was in great shape… And I felt too exposed and naked. I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone!
Now I look at that tiny bikini and wonder how it ever fit!
I think if someone is focused on looks when it comes to diet and exercise, they’ll never keep up with it. The only way I’ve been able to keep up with running and working out is because of how great it makes me feel (mentally and physically). The fact that my body looks better is a nice perk, but it’s not necessarily what keeps me running. As for what’s worth it – who are we trying to look good for? Because it’s such a mixed bag. I get comments from my husband that he misses my curves. I get female friends commenting on what I look like, then they ask if I’m still running and then go on and on about how much they hate working out. As for 6-packs, I keep seeing comments on the internet (which of course I take with a grain of salt) on how women with 6-packs look manish. So it’s like, just do what makes you happy. Don’t do it for anyone else because they don’t matter. And they all disagree on what we “should” look like. Just look like yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are. Because you’re you.
Love this! And totally agree. I workout because I love it (why else would I have kept at it for years when I was very overweight?). I hate it when people tell me how they want my body to look though. I know what I want. I like my muscular arms. I like my curves. I dislike it when people comment on it.
I think we could all do our own rant posts on the comments others make on our bodies! It is no one’s right to judge anyone for their body. Seriously!
[…] so brilliant, I find myself randomly reflecting on them at various parts of the day. Kim recently wrote a post about getting that 6-pack of abs everyone is always dyyyyyying to get. Her post really […]
I can’t believe I missed this post the first time around! I think I was still on vacation, eating too much seafood in NOLA. 🙂
I love this post. I think happiness for me is found in that balance area. I like eating french fries but I also eat my salads. When I have a sweet craving, sometimes I have a piece of fruit instead of a cookie (note: “sometimes”). I think that the ads, abs, and bodies we see all around us are completely fabricated anyways (thanks to Photoshop) so the “ideal” is actually unreal and unattainable. As long as you are happy in the body that you have, that is all that matters. There will always be those with something negative to say, no matter what we do, so why not just enjoy the positive.
And you look super smashing in that bathing suit, by the way! Gotta say! 🙂
Aww, thanks!
Well said! Especially the part about Photoshop. Who even knows what is real anymore?
A lot of the times I crave the healthy stuff (phew) but sometimes I REALLY crave french fries and oreos and other not so good for me things. Hee hee 🙂 And I like having both! 🙂