The Facebook envy issue
Oh, look! Another study that points out how evil Facebook is!
(Oh, look, Kim writing about Facebook again… as if all these times were not enough.)
I am not sure why these Facebook articles interest me so much. I think I read them and am like, “Huh?! Why would a social media site affect someone that much?!”
Anyway, this latest study, conducted by two German Universities*, found that “1 in 3 people felt worse after visiting the site and more dissatisfied with their lives, while people who browsed without contributing were affected the most.” People felt most envious seeing other’s vacation photos, and secondly, by comparing how many “likes” or comments are made on their photos and posts. These comparisons made people feel “lonely, frustrated or angry,” and made them more likely to leave Facebook.
Okay. So we’ve all talked about our online identities and putting our best self out there (and how that may give others a false perception of how fab our lives are). And we’ve talked about FOMO, and how Facebook can make you feel like you are missing out (and again, give you a false perception of how much fun others are having). But, how envious does Facebook make you feel? Do you think the amount of envy may have to do with how envious (secure) of a person you already are?
I rarely feel envy – I cannot remember the last time I have. When I see something good happen to a friend on Facebook (or in real life), I am genuinely happy for them. I love seeing my friend’s vacation photos. Sure, I might comment, “I am so jelly you got to go there!” but really, I am just saying that. I am not feeling lonely or frustrated or angry by it. Seriously. Maybe I should quit claiming I am so “jelly.” Oops. What I should say is, “I am so happy you got to go there! It looks like a place I would like to visit someday.” Because I could probably swing some travel if I planned it out. But I don’t. So why be envious?
All that being said, there are definitely things I have seen and read on Facebook that I wish I could un-see/read. Like photos of dead animals. Really negative status updates. Mean status updates. I just hide those things and try to forget them. And Facebook does make me feel annoyed from time to time – which is a sign I need to log off. But where are the studies on how people use Facebook in a way that works for them? So they don’t feel envious/left out/like a loser/frustrated/annoyed?
*Are we to assume this study was only on people in these two German universities? I wonder how culture plays in.
Themocracy
I am definitely guilty of feeling jealous/envious/angry about Facebook posts. A lot of it comes from how people portray themselves – the high school classmate whose pregnant with baby No. 3 and is the perfect SAHM to her two boys, taking them here and there and breastfeeding forever. And, I’m all like, I can’t afford to have another baby and she gets to have three, not work and go on vacation. My strategy is just to unfriend the people who make me feel bad about myself or to hide them. I am super mature. I get most insecure when it deals with people’s financial situations since we aren’t in the greatest place and I feel like it makes me miss out.
Hey – at least you recognize it and have a way to deal with it so you can still enjoy Facebook. But do you feel like those people’s lives are really that perfect?!
Sorry to hear you are having financial issues!
I think the people who brag are more than likely insecure and feel like they should show the world how perfect they are or have something to prove. I personally find humor in the faults. As far as cash, I just picked wrong career – not poor but not rich. 2013 is make stuff happen year!
Yay! Happy to hear this is your “make stuff happen” year. That is exciting 🙂
The financial aspect is interesting. I could definitely see how that could factor into things.
Ok I’ll admit it.
1- I myself am very snarky on FB, but some people seriously complain about EVERYTHING. Every single thing is a complaint. It drives me bananas and yes, it does bring me down. Those people must be hidden.
2-I find that when some girls are pregnant, they act as if they are the only person ever to have a child. I am all about an ultrasound photo and belly bump photo and even some updates…but when EVERY update is about EVERY single aspect of your pregnancy…hidden. Additionally, moms who always complain about their kids and forget how much they wanted them in the first place…hidden.
3- I get jealous easily of people in better financial situations. Sometimes it is difficult to see people who don’t have to work two jobs or have the freedom to vacation anywhere they want. I don’t have ill will towards them in any way, and I am genuinely happy for my friends with these opportunities…but I am also jealous. I just wish I didn’t have to miss out.
Ha! Your snark on Facebook cracks me up. You are snarky where I want to be, but am afraid. Keep that up 😉
I was talking to one of my besties the other day about how she sometimes thinks about taking her Daily Mile posts down (because it annoys people), but when she realizes it actually inspires some people (because they tell her), she keeps it up. I said, if you took that down, it would probably be another topic you would post about too much that would annoy people. I think the pregnancy thing is a good example of that. Just… too much of the same thing. I would hide the complaints too!
And I hadn’t thought about the financial thing. I will have to see if thoughts of that come up the next time I am on Facebook. You do work hard though, and have hardly any free time, and fit a lot in… so I see how you would get jealous. Good thing Mexico is happening this year?! 🙂
Thanks for the compliment (I try to keep the snark balanced with nice posts, too!)
I CANNOT wait for Mexico (2 months from today) as a much needed break especially in the middle of winter!
I have been keeping my distance from FB lately and it has been nice. I don’t get envious or jealous of others on there but I do sometimes get annoyed with posts. Right now it’s football and snow and cold that are the major themes of my news feed and I’d rather avoid all that (I am NOT a ravens fan AT ALL but living in MD means a lot of my FB friends are). I made a decision recently that I just didn’t care enough to check on it everyday and have stuck with it. I do comment/like things occassionally when I am on there but rarely post status updates and pictures of my own.
It is funny when everyone is posting very similar things! I have seen it where posts will be almost identical!
I do like to check in every day though. It’s the best way for me to see what is going on with some people 🙂
I hate this phenomenon! I have a friend who is literally obsessed with the size if her future engagement right, k think mainly because of Facebook. It makes me want to scream.
Ha ha ha. Why do some women care so much about that?!
I must be friends with all the wrong people because all the updates I see make me feel better about my life! haha!
Ha ha ha ha. Good point. I have some of that too.
That is pretty impressive that you hardly ever feel envious. I’m envious of your envious-less feelings, haha! I will def see some post and get a twinge of jealously. It’s pretty fleeting, but I would be lying if I said that it never happens. I think if Facebook is always making a person feel envious/left out/like a loser/frustrated/annoyed then it’s time to log off for awhile.
What things make you feel jealous?
I think I am just so “meh, it’s their life” about things, that I don’t get that way. If I want something, I might try to get it. But I am really lazy. Maybe that is it. Hee hee. 😉
The only time the green eyed monster comes out on Facebook or any other social media site is when I read about an awesome PR or a new distance conquered when I am struggling with running (like I am doing now). I am truly happy for my friends but there is a little envy behind it.
I find all of these studies fascinating too! Social networking has just presented another way we can study how people interact, which the sociology major in me likes. I read that article too, and was mostly surprised that it’s such a high percentage of people who feel envious!
I guess for as much as I may at times feel envious about things I see on Facebook, sometimes I also feel pretty good about where I’m at in life because of it. Um, is that mean? But what FB sometimes makes clear is that some people will just never be happy no matter how much they have, and some people are pretty insecure. So I might not have the huge house, nice car, vacations, or “OMG amazing hubby xoxo!” that they do (because FB PDAs do irk me), but I’m happy enough that I don’t need to brag about everything in my life either. So if FB posts make me feel anything negative, it’s typically just annoyance at the amount of oversharing.
I saw this on the news and it just made me really sad that people feel depressed after seeing good things happen to other people. Seriously when did people get like that? Why can’t we be happy for each other?
I should have just posted the link and written that 😉 Much more concise! 🙂
Normally, fb makes me laugh. I have no qualms about hiding whatever it is that I don’t wnat to see on a particular day. I have no qualms about hiding some people completely from my newsfeed, so I can CHOOSE when I want to/am capable of dealing with their ridiculousness.
I struggle on occaision (WHY CAN I NOT SPELL THAT WORD? EVER?!?!) with money stuff. We had this talk at Christmastime. But usually that is fleeting, and doesn’t bring me down…
Smart phones make it tough for me. Sometimes I feel like I am TOO connected. I need to step away from it more. I’m getting better, but it’s a work in progress.
Oh yeah, the smart phones make it so much worse! It feels good to have a break from them, like when mine was all effed up. Because remember, that didn’t bother me at all!
I think age probably plays in a lot, too. I think if I were back in high schoool or college some things would make me feel crappier or more jealous than they would now. I don’t understand why someone would continue to use a social network that makes them feel lousy about him/herself every time s/he logs in, but maybe I’m missing something.
When I was writing this, I was thinking about how negatively Facebook has affected younger people! So I do wonder if there is a maturity level to using it. I remember being so jealous when I was in my first relationships, and I grew out of it as I grew older.
Indeed. I can’t imagine trying to navigate junior high or high school in the Facebook age.
I definitely find myself feeling guilty/envious on Facebook (and blogs), at which point I tell myself to get off the internet. And I know it’s because I’m in this really weird place right now – living with my parents, paying off our debt – I feel like our lives are on hold. We don’t have our own place, we can’t afford to start a family (if that’s what we wanted), we don’t have our own place in which to raise a family, we can’t afford to go on vacation, I can’t afford to do every race I want, I can’t afford to go to grad school, etc. So when I see other people’s posts/pictures of all of that, it makes me feel really sad, and envious, and jealous. Even though it’s no one else’s fault but our own. I’m 30 and I feel like I’m 20. So the only solution is to get off of Facebook/Google Reader, and channel my energy into paying off our debt.
Have you made some progress so far this year? 🙂
I think I’d get angry by other people’s posts sooner than I’d feel envious of them. But, that’s because I’m in a good place in my life, so seeing other people in good places in their own lives doesn’t bother me so much. However, having to listen to people being assholes? Well, recently, I just started deleting them altogether, which has actually improved my overall Facebook experience!
Perhaps the people who feel that way after looking at Facebook just aren’t happy with their own lives? I admit, I used to be a lot more prone to jealousy but as I’ve gotten older it’s gone away to a certain extent.
Yeah, that has gotta be it! And I used to be a very jealous person. Not sure why. But I totally got over that. Maybe being in a long distance relationship did it for me.
Honestly, all Facebook does is make me realize that I know a lot of annoying people. It doesn’t make me jealous of anyone in the least. I’m perfectly happy in my life, and seeing someone else doing amazing things doesn’t affect me, because why should it?
I only really use facebook for group events, to post my blog posts (duh :P), and to check in from time to time so I don’t really enough time on fb to feel envious. From time to time though I’ll see something and my gut reaction will be like “no way” (in a not good way) and then I have to remind myself that I don’t talk to this person anymore so I don’t know whats going on in their life. I do feel guilty for feeling that way initially though!
These studies surprise me too. I am mostly happy to see people I know are in a good place, to laugh, to look at kitten and baby pictures, and either to vent or post a funny conversation/observation. Oh, and post jobs sometimes for networking purposes.
I WILL say one thing has been driving me nuts lately. A lot of my friends have been having babies which is great and I don’t mind baby chatter, but daily updates complaining about the baby not sleeping annoy me. Babies don’t sleep on Mom and Dad’s schedules, anyone will tell you that. I am sure I will regret that particular complaint when I have my own babies and am sleep deprived and posting frustrated updates on FB, but right now I seriously want to tell people they are making it sound like they don’t even like their baby. Why have one if all you’re going to do is complain about babies acting like babies??
Oh gosh! Yeah, if they are complaining about it, and in a way that makes you think they hate it, that’s not cool!
I don’t feel envy usually I just feel angry! I get upset sometimes when I catch ppl in a lie via facebook. Like you said you were going to stay in, then I see ppl posted photos of you out at the bar! I also get angry when my sister in law posts every single photo of my nephews! Yes they are cute. But enough is enough! Its like her like is only about the kids, shes always on facebook – she needs to get a life. So yeah. I get upset mostly, not envious. But facebook is good for keeping track of ppl and their lives which can be fun.
A friend of mine caught a friend in a lie like that. So not cool. So dumb! Come on!
Sorry for my photos of Brasil and stirring the pot of jealousy 🙂 but isn’t that what FB is for? Hehe
I like seeing my friends happy . And don’t like the statuses that always seem to be written by Debbie downer. Sad for those folks 🙁
Crap! I thought you wouldn’t see this. You ARE what prompted this post. LOL!!!
I don’t get envious at all, but sometimes the bragging gets nauseating. Like, don’t we all think our kids are smart, cute, and funny??! I usually just “hide” the boasters and move on.
I find these posts fascinating! Ha. FB is interesting. Last year, I went through a process of deleting a bunch of people that weren’t really friends of mine, and hiding statuses of those I can’t exactly delete but don’t care to see their statuses. (Family!) I get feeling envious because it’s a valid emotion when you see other people living the life you want to lead. I think it’s an insecurity thing, but then sometimes I’m like, “But Steph. You don’t really want to do that!” I only really log onto FB to catch up with friends from time to time, and my book club is on there so I go there for updates.
I don’t like the negative posts on FB. I also don’t like the posts where people say what they had for dinner, like every. single. night. Seriously. Don’t care. And the posts where their husband is awesome. I think to myself, “well that’s great, but why does everyone have to know?” Mine is awesome too, but frankly I don’t think anyone gives a damn!
Wow, I feel better! LOL!
Thanks for making me feel better!
LOL! Happy to help! I so agree with both of those things!!!
I don’t feel envious about things on facebook, but visiting facebook usually leaves me feeling pretty angry. (Mainly that family members are constantly posting things that I vehemently disagree with.) I can’t unfriend them because they are family and it’s the only way they communicate – my aunt actually said to me at a family gathering last month, “Be sure to post to facebook more and comment on our posts, so we’ll be in touch!”
I just now went through and hid everything they post from my newsfeed. I’ll miss out on some family news, but I think for my overall happiness, it’s what needs to be done.
OMG. I cannot believe they said to post more on their crap! Oh gosh! It’s cool that your family is up to speed with technology, but not if it is making you crazy!
Oh gosh, I could not be less envious. I simply don’t care enough about others. Ok that sounds bad. I do get a kick though out of one of my friends who freely posts pics of her daughters having parties etc. where others are excluded but is the first to post about how hurt she is when someone else posts pics of something her daughter was not invited to. Get over it.
Ha! We must share the envy-less gene. LOL. Gah. And that parent drama sounds super annoying!
This is a very interesting topic and one that I think about often as well. I found that it’s natural to experience some sort of envy at times, and having direct access to people’s lives through the interent makes those feelings occur more often. Whenever I feel any sort of undesirable feelings, I remind myself that people on Facebook could create whatever impression of their lives that they desire. Images online and reality can be verrryyy different. I honestly think that the people who advertise their “amazing” lives on Facebook are those that may be the least happy. After all, if you’re really as happy as you make yourself out to be why would you try to get the approval of others or make others jealous of your life?
That would be another interesting topic to discuss – people trying to make other jealous on Facebook. I bet there is a lot of maliciousness out there!
I actually try not to go onto Facebook too much because I get sucked in and end up wasting a ton of time on it. I do get annoyed when people post their vacation photos and go on and on (or so I feel) about their first-class flight experience, all the amazing activities they did, the gourmet restaurants they went to, what outfits they wore on vacation, etc., etc., etc. I think it’s too much.