Friday Question #214
Of your friends that you regularly keep in touch with (and I’m not talking about Facebook), who have you known the longest, and how did you meet?
Some of my newer friends!!!
This week, Rachel Bertsche wrote on her blog:
According to Katie Couric’s interview with friendship expert Irene Levine, most friendships don’t make it past seven years. The reason, she says, is simply that people change over time, so friendships change over time.
I read this and immediately thought, “Oh crap! Time is running out with Gina and Courtney!” I started talking to them in winter of 2006… it’s almost been 7 years… let the countdown begin!
Ha ha ha. Seriously though, those two are my friends that I have regularly kept in touch with for the longest amount of time. No one from my hometown. No one from college. Weird, right? I was thinking about this when we were in Kansas City last weekend. When we go there, it is usually a whirlwind of visiting people because Steven still has friends there from when he was in grade school. And they are a lot of fun to hang out with. It is NOT like that when we go to my hometown! It is all family all the time. WOO HOO!!!
But back to my “friends for the longest amount of time” – it is kind of funny how Gina and Courtney and I hooked up. A college friend of mine knew I had a blog and recommended Gina’s blog to me because it was about her cat. Then we found Courtney’s blog, because she had cats. Yep. We’re cat ladies. But I guess cat ladies stick together because we still write long emails to each other to this day!
Themocracy
7 years is the magic number? Hmmmm
I’ve been friends with Caitlyn for 25 years. We grew up on the same block. However we don’t talk very often and have definitely grown apart…
Tribu and I have been friends for about 5 years and shows no signs of stoping… I hope We have more than 2 years left. We met at work and started running together- and I only worked there for a few months before moving to the other side of the USA.
Lol at you crazy cat ladies 🙂 Seems like the key to lasting relationships is having something major in common- running, cats, etx. That’s where Caitlyn and I fail 🙁
So where does Tribu live now? 🙂
Having something in common does seem to be a major key!
I keep in touch with a few of my friends from high school, actually I’m driving home this weekend and having brunch with them tomorrow. Realistically we have known each other since first grade (holy crap, 21 years?!). It seems that through every transition in life I hold on to a few people. I have my core group from high school and a few very good friends from college. I’ve now found myself in a job where I work with a lot of people my age so I am starting to hang out the coworkers more and more. It’s interesting that they say the average friendship is only 7 years, but it makes sense as people do change and move on.
My best friend (and former roomie) and I have known each other since a random (and kind of weird) introduction on Thanksgiving of 1999. We weren’t fast friends but then had mutual friends in college. We hung out occasionally but didn’t become close until we drove to New Orleans with our mutual friend for Spring Break in 2003. I sometimes feel bad because we were both closer with the mutual friend until that point. We still keep in contact with her but she isn’t always reliable when it comes to making plans and following through so we don’t see her as often.
As for high school friends, I have a few. My best high school friend lives in FL and we don’t see each other often at all. BUT when we do see each other or talk, it’s like no time has passed and we still click. We both got married in the past year and a half and were invited to each other’s weddings and bachelorette parties. I’ve known her since 1997ish.
I have one great friend from elementary school, one from high school, and one from college. I have met lots of amazing people since then, but it’s hard to always keep up! Typically new friends we meet are also military, so it seems someone is always on their way out when we’re just getting settled! It’s hard to make grown up friends!!!
I only have one friend who I keep in touch with from high school and I think partially that is because she lives near me. The other people from high school were all into partying way too much and I just never have been like that so after HS, when they were all partying in college and I wasn’t we didn’t really have much in common. Since college I keep in touch with a few people but really have made a lot of new friends since graduating. My best friend is only a recent friend but I feel like I have known her forever. I never really had a close best friend until now, its always been a lot of decent good friends. I really hope the seven year rule is wrong – I think people do change, but friendships take work and often times ppl just don’t want to work at them. its a two way street, if both people aren’t working then the friendship wont be as strong as it was before.
Friendships definitely take a lot of work to keep going!
^^^^ Maybe people don’t want to be friends with me because I use so many exclamation points (!!!!)
I am guilty of using a lot of them too 🙂
I’m extremely lucky that I’m still friends with my very first friend at college…who ended up being my roomie for 2 years, and moved to Chicago one year before I did. But it is very hard to keep in contact–she has 2 little boys and works full time.
A lot of friends I’ve known for a long time have ended up moving away, so that also makes things hard.
P and I have known each other for about 8 years now, and I guess we’ve been friends for about 7 of those. For that reason I hope the 7 year rule is wrong. 😉
Rebecca and I were in the same homeroom in second grade, back when we both had bowl haircuts. We became best friends and are STILL best friends, 20 years later. We try to visit each other at least once or twice a year. She’s like my sister!
I had a bowl haircut in 2nd grade too!
I’m really lucky in the friends department! My cousin is one of my best friends and we’ve known each other since birth. Also, my MOH was my roommate in college who I’ve know for about 11 years (we met in high school). I’m still really close with my girlfriends from high school and even though we do not talk daily or even weekly, when we get together once or twice a year it’s like no time has passed. Also, I’m still really close with my teammates from college, so I’m lucky in that area too!!!
I think it would be hard not to stay friends with you 🙂
Awwwwww
That is definitely an interesting point. There are some friends that have faded in and out over the years, depending on location, relationships, etc. I still have some friends that I only see when they aren’t in a relationship with someone… That is always interesting…
I think if you have a special bond (like cats, dogs, or running) and if you both evolve together over time, I think that friendships will last longer than otherwise. 🙂
I forgot to mention that I work with a friend who I’ve known since middle school. We are still friends but I can honestly say we’ve only kept in good contact because we work together. We went to school all through middle, high, and college together. Then I got a job and she got her Masters and came to work with me.
That seems right for a majority of friendships (in my experience at least), but those few great ones seem to endure the test of time.
Technically I’ve known my best friend for 17 years, since we met as freshmen in high school, but we didn’t really become good friends until our senior year, and we didn’t become best friends until we lived together in 2004. And tomorrow she”ll be my maid of honor! Most other friends I have fall in the 5-8 year range – 8 years for when I first moved to Chicago, and 5 for friends I made through my fiance.
Congratulations!
aww! That’s such a sweet story about how you guys met!
I’ve thought about this, and the 7 year thing..I can definitely see that being true.
I do have friends I’ve known for 10 years now, and we’re in regular contact, but we also don’t live in the same area anymore..so that may be why we’re still friends? We haven’t really *seen* the immediate changes since we’re so far away!
I think I’m gonna win this one. I’ve been friends with a friend I’ll call A for 44 years (we met when we were 2 years old through our parents) and friends with J for 36 years (we met in 5th grade). Both live in another state but we still make efforts to see each other every few years. J is technically my “best” friend, and we call each other regularly and just went on vacation together last summer.
Aww! That is so awesome that you have had these friends for so long 🙂
I have been good friends with a girl a I met a depaul last year. Her and I are really good friends. I also have a good friend that I met at Iowa who I keep in touch with. Have a great day 🙂
I keep in touch with a few of my high school friends (one that I went to preschool with!) and a few friends from college but not as consistently as I used to think I would. I actually don’t talk to anyone from my master’s program anymore either. My best friend is definitely the one that I’ve known since preschool and it’s amazing because we’re both busy and may not talk for a month or two at a time but when we see each other or schedule phone dates it’s like nothing has changed!
I’m not really in touch with anyone from high school or earlier (except, as you say, via Facebook) so I would say the longest friendship I currently have is with Rae since we’ve known each other and been friends since 1998. Now that she has her daughter, though, we don’t send long emails like we used to.
I have my whole little crew of girls from middle school and high school and we are close as ever. We do an annual girls trip together and keep in touch weekly with emails, texts, and calls. I love them like crazy!
My husband and I were friends for a long time before we started dating, does that count? Other than an occasional message on Facebook, I don’t keep in touch with anyone from high school/hometown. I emailed my closest friend from college last week, but I hadn’t heard from her in nearly a year…. seven years after we met! The friends I have now are all people I’ve met in the last year or two.
I was just thinking about how I have a lot of friends that I’m not sure I’ll stay in touch with outside of grad school and how I haven’t kept up with a lot of college friends. I wouldn’t say that this is because I’ll change but because I have things in common with my friends now, but soon, that will be gone. Without shared interests or events, I have a hard time staying close to people. Maybe I’m just a lazy friend….
Funny about the 7 year thing because they say that about marriage as well, right? The 7 year itch? I have friends that I’ve known since high school (so over 20 years) though we’ve had periods where we weren’t as close. The majority of my very best friends I’ve known for over 12 years!
I have a lot of friends who I have known for a LONG time who I still actively keep in touch with or hang out with. The longest of my closest friends is probably Vera, my ultra-runner friend who now lives in Boston. We met in kindergarten and have been friends ever since. So … for 25 years. I have also known Genevieve for a long time, probably as long as Vera, but we’ve only been “good” friends since we were 10, I think. So, 20 years for us. Then comes my friend Scott, who I met in junior high, and we became “good” friends in 8th grade. So, 17 years for us. My now sister-in-law Melissa, and my husband’s best friend’s wife Paula – met both of them when I was a freshman in high school. So, 16 years that I’ve been friends with both of them. I actually met my husband when I was a sophomore in high school, so that’s 15 years that we’ve known each other (and 8 years that we’ve been a couple). I also still keep in touch and make trips to hang out with some of my college friends (Jessica, Sarah, Ali), so that’s 10-12 years, depending on when I met them.
I have some other friends (Liz and Teresa) that I met when I was younger (10 and 14), who I am closer to now than back then. And I have some friends who I have literally known since birth who I see because of mutual friends, but don’t consider them close friends anymore.
I think it’s easier for me because I still live in the same area where I grew up, as do many of my friends, so it’s easy for us to keep our friendships going. And of the friends who don’t live nearby anymore, our relationship is strong enough that we make an effort to keep it going.
Wow.. outside of Facebook, that would have to be my friend Karen. I’ve known her over 16 years and we talk at least once a week. She and my wife are really good friends now and I admit to getting a bit jealous when they go somewhere and I’m not invited.
Thank god Ray-ray and i have made it past the 7 year mark!! Most of my friends from high school i have sadly grown apart from, mostly because we don’t live in the same city.
I met one of my friends our first day of high school cross country…and that was in 1999! I was her maid of honor and I still see her every time I go home. 13 years and counting!
I’ve been friends with one of my besties (I have three!) for a little over 21 years. She moved to my school when we were in the 7th grade, and we’ve been best friends ever since. Granted those years after high school when we went to college, we grew apart a bit, but that was only short term. I was her maid of honor and everything! She’s the ONLY friend I had in high school that I still hang out with. She even comes to visit me in Virginia once a year and brings the whole family!! So yeah, I think people do change, but some are around for the long haul!
Awww!! That makes me feel special!! 🙂 I can’t believe it’s been almost 7 years!! I would have to say that you and Gina are the two friends that I talk too regularly that I have known the longest- besides the girl that does my hair- I’ve known her since 3rd grade and I see her about every 4 weeks and we hang out occasionally. But, besides her, it’s you and Gina!! I hope that since we are cat ladies our friendship lasts much longer than 7 years!!
=^..^=
Oh, it will. You’re stuck with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very timely post as I was off with my college girlfriends at Disney this weekend 🙂 I have known them for 15 years and we have stayed mostly in pretty regular contact since we graduated from college. I will say that Facebook has helped tremendously in that we have our own private Facebook group that has made it easier to chat about personal details and goings on…for some unknown reason, much easier than our previous mass-emails. That being said, we figured out it had been 3 years since ALL of us had been together in one place (one of their weddings) though there have been various smaller meet-ups during that time. They all live in FL and I live in AL so that can sometimes make it tough but I feel very fortunate that I have the resources to travel.
Other than that group of ladies, I have 1 friend from high school that I keep in contact with and a couple from grad school. Of the “friends” I have in my current city, there are probably a couple that I would keep in touch with but truly many are still acquaintances even though I have known them for 4-5 years.
Of those friends that I keep up with, it’s amazing how we can pick back up at any given moment and just move forward. We don’t spend excessive amounts of time rehashing “the glory days” but are truly just so comfortable with each other that we accept the evolution of time and enjoy the present along with the past!
Having a Facebook group for your friends is a really good idea!
I read this and immediately thought, “Oh crap! Time is running out with Gina and Courtney!”
That made me giggle because I read it and immediately started doing math in my head.
I’m not sure I buy the 7 year rule. I have a LOT of friends that I’ve had much longer than 7 years and even if we don’t talk regularly, as soon as we’re back in the same room it feels like we haven’t missed a day…
Cat ladies, love it! My closest friends that I still keep in touch with are either from HIghschool or college. Which is crazy to think about highschool, since that means I’ve known some of these ladies for 14 years!
[…] I didn’t realize until Kim’s recent post how lucky I was to have so many good friends who have been good friends for over a decade … […]