So rude
Did you guys see the Wall Street Journal article yesterday, Why We Are So Rude Online?
Data is rude irl. Come on Data, enjoy that Candy Corn Oreo!
I was expecting the article to be all about the perceived anonymity of online presences, but it actually only briefly touched on that, and mostly covered Facebook.
According to soon-to-be-published research from professors at Columbia University and the University of Pittsburgh, browsing Facebook lowers our self control.
So apparently, when we present an “enhanced” version of ourselves on Facebook, and get a lot of “likes,” it boosts our self-esteem, which then lowers our self-control. So in order to protect our online image, we may be more likely to lash out (and be rude) online.
Also, according to the article:
- “People who spent more time online and who had a high percentage of close ties in their network were more likely to engage in binge eating and to have a greater body mass index, as well as to have more credit-card debt and a lower credit score.”
- “”They found people who spent more time on Facebook were more likely to give up on difficult tasks more quickly” (giving up on an IQ test).
So Facebook is making us RUDE and FAT and POOR and STUPID.
Hmm.
I did find it interesting, in the last part of the article, where a person interviewed said he purposefully tries to start fights on his Facebook wall, and will even go out of his way and message friends to join in on the fight… all for his entertainment. That is messed up. I think (I hope), most people are not doing it purposefully, and it’s just the fact that you do not see someone’s reaction when you post:
We’re less inhibited online because we don’t have to see the reaction of the person we’re addressing, says Sherry Turkle, psychologist and Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor of the social studies of science and technology. Because it’s harder to see and focus on what we have in common, we tend to dehumanize each other, she says.
Personally, I have said a few things in blog comments and then gone back and thought “Geesh, that really could come off the wrong way.” I have even typed out comments… only to delete them, because I don’t know how people will read in to something I wrote. Teasing someone (or trying to be funny) online is hard, especially if your sense of humor is kind of weird (like mine is).
Why do you think people are rude online? Have you had any rude encounters online?
Themocracy
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve reminded my daughter that you cannot type “tone” in a text message or online, so we need to reread what we’ve written BEFORE we click send.
I’m with you – I’ve deleted things I’ve written many many times, not wanting to have it taken the wrong way. It stresses me out if I’m worried about it, so I’d rather not send it at all. And I’ve read many many many comments and thought, wtf?
Very interesting – I wasn’t surprised at the RUDE but was a little at the FAT and POOR and STUPID.
Such a good point. No matter how many smileys I use, I could still come off like an a-hole. It’s so hard to read people online!
The fat, poor and stupid stuff surprised me too. WTF?
hmm well I’ve had experience in online message board where tone is hard to judge unless you’ve met that person in real life. It is kinda of hard but you can always tell who the “shit stirrers” are and to ignore them. Luckily I don’t really have that on FB BUT it’s a big reason why I don’t allow anonymous posters on my blog. I don’t have the time or patience for that crap. lol If I don’t like something someone blogs I usually just stop following them. No need to post something to that affect. ( insert eye roll from me here!)
I used to be a lot more active on my Facebook page and really took a step back last year. I don’t really like to engage in arguments and start something. I use Twitter much more for my random thoughts than Facebook. I do agree that so many people can be rude with the comments because there are little repercussions. You can ignore the comments if you don’t want to see them.
I think people are rude online because its a free soap box. I dont think people realize that what they say on the internet will affect everyone. Facebook is sort of like high school for adults and kids my age. Those candy corn oreos look amazing!
Ha ha. Your comment makes me think I am happy FB was not around when I was IN high school! Yikes!
Those oreos were good!!!
wait some guy picks fights on FB? really weird.
your cat is rude.
People who like to argue? I tend to avoid arguments. I am more of a “have your own opinion” type of person. I don’t try to push my thoughts on others.
Data is rude. He said you were holding that cat all wrong… he wants you to come cuddle with him instead.
So tell me, do you like the candy corn oreos?!
I’ve deleted a lot of comments I’ve considered leaving on blogs because I worry about how they will be perceived. I don’t feel like its as much of an issue on your blog though because you are so welcoming and I can tell from your writing that you wouldn’t get offended by jokes or whatnot. Plus, I feel like you’d email me if you questioned something I commented about.
I’ve seen people on facebook that seem to just like to start comment wars. I try to stay away although sometimes, depending on the subject, they can be fun to read.
OF COURSE! I <3 oreos 🙂 They tasted like cake. Nom nom nom.
Thanks for the nice compliment! 🙂
Oh yes, those comments wars on FB are fun to read! I try not to get involved though 🙂
I actually have a friend who used to start “fights” on FB, and would send me messages to ask me to comment. [He doesn’t do it anymore, I guess he got bored.] But that’s his personality. I think he likes being controversial.
The whole self-esteem thing … I think there is definitely something to that. I mean, look at some of the posts we make on Facebook. Does anyone really care that much about every mundane thought we have? Personally, I try to limit my posts, and self-check with “Does anyone really care?” before posting something. I wish all of my friends would do the same … but maybe they really do think everyone cares what their dinner looked like, or how tired they are, or how much work sucked, or how great they thought tonight’s episode of whatever show was, or every funny new graphic/photo/link they found. I don’t mind the occasional post on those topics, but when it’s over and over times 300 Facebook friends, and I already waste enough time on the internet … annoying.
Ha! Is he the guy quoted in the article? LOL.
I hear you on the non-interesting stuff on Facebook. I bet if those people did ask if others would find that stuff interesting, they would think yes. LOL.
I agree we filter ourselves differently when we are speaking face to face vs typing alone. Matt and i always have altercations when we talk on gmail chat, because their are no visual cues to show if we are joking. But also, i think some people are consciously much more rude online, because it is somewhat of shield for them. Kind of like the almighty wizard of Oz – he was such a jerk when he was hiding behind his contraption vs in person.
Ahh! I love the Wizard of Oz reference! SO TRUE!!!!
Exactly. Wizard of Oz syndrome.
I have edited my comments many times, and sometimes didn’t even leave one for how it might come off. I have found some rudeness, but sometimes I wonder if it is how I am reading it/or my mood at the time.
Happily, I’ve only had a few rude encounters, and all were a while ago. I can see how easy it is to appear rude though, since so much of our meaning comes through body posture, gestures, and facial expression.
When I read such surveys, I always wonder how you measure “rudeness” or “self-esteem”, or even how you define “binge”. And how many people do they ask, and how diverse the sample is. Oh, these psychology papers… published to reach no definite conclusion, not repeatable, and more than half the time they state the obvious. Hi! I’m Melie and I’m a cynical, disbelieving engineer.
I think that people sound more rude on the internet because it’s really hard to judge intentions online without proper context, intonation, and even knowledge of the person who posts. Even my first half of the comment can come off as incredibly rude, especially if you are involved in such surveys. And also, people are ruder online because they can’t see the impact their sayings might have and there are virtually no repercussions.
LOL! You know, I read a lot of these articles and their conclusions seem so invalid. The samples are too small, usually, and the way the studies are done sometimes seems ridic. BUT! It gives me blog content!!! 🙂
I few years ago, I had a particularly viscous commenter. He was a peach. Told me I was fat, I was ugly and my food sucked. That’s why there’s comment approval on my blog now.
What the heck?! That sucks! Was it someone you knew?! 🙁
Thankfully I haven’t had anyone be rude to me, but I tend to avoid people like that. I even had to hide some of my “friends” on Facebook because I was getting angry at their political posts and I didn’t want to say something I would regret.
I wish Facebook would create a filter where we could turn that stuff off until Nov 6 (okay, really, longer than that).
I did read that article and thought it was so interesting. I’m not one to get into fights online very often, but the study that found an inflated sense of self meant someone was more likely to pick a cookie as a snack over a granola bar definitely sounded like me. Ha!
My guess is they are rude because they don’t get the instant knee jerk reaction from the receiving party. Sad. But true.
I try to be careful about what I write so as not to hurt someone’s feelings…but it’s so true you can’t translate tone or body language in text, and so what is obvious to you in your own mind about what you’re expressing might be totally opposite of how the other person percieves it.
I have definitely felt the sting of comments or FB postings, and had my feelings hurt (but not by you!) but then I try to remember it might not be the way the person meant it. Or perhaps it was, and they’re just rude!
I honestly wish I was on facebook less. Not that I am on it much, usually when I am bored. I need to stop watching tv and surfing the internet and read a book or do something productive! I sometimes hate what ppl post on facebook – often I disagree or think it stupid.
Ohhh, Sherry Turkle. I read one of her books in college, and now I don’t take her seriously. (Is that being mean? Probably. I just really hated reading it.)
Anyway, Harrison and I talk about this a lot, and we’ve come to the conclusion that people are just mean in general and embrace any outlet to express that side of themselves, especially if it’s relatively free of consequences.
Perhaps timely: Did you hear about all the backlash this woman is getting for her “I Just want to ride bikes with you” video/song?
http://www.thejanedough.com/i-just-want-to-ride-bikes-with-you-video/
Ha! What book of hers did you read? As someone in Academia, what do you think (generally) of all these studies that come out?
I think most people are pretty mean. I know I get mean when I just read stuff online. I try not to express it.
That is just sad about the video. So what if it’s cheesy? Gosh, leave her alone!
Totally agree with you about being ruder online. I definitely agree it’s because there’s a feeling of anonymity that comes from online communications, meaning you don’t feel the repercussions if you “misbehave.” And I’ve totally had rude encounters both as a recipient and as a creator (especially when it comes to things like filling out customer survey forms where when I’m angry I don’t try to hide it).
Candy Corn Oreos!
As for rudeness online, I see it a lot – mostly on Facebook, but in other social media settings as well. And mostly in political discussions, where things can get heated.