The “family time” rule
Sometimes it seems that the more mobile we become with our smartphones and tablets, the more socially rude we (can?) become as well. I just read an interesting article from the Wall Street Journal – “When Facebook, Twitter and Instagram Crash the Party.” The article was basically anecdotal stories of people’s smartphone usage in social settings:
- To force themselves to pay attention to one another during dinner, a group of six friends stack their phones in the center of the table. The first person to grab their phone has to pick up the tab (they found it very hard not to grab it when they wanted to look up some information).
- A woman hosts a dinner party for 40 and has no where to put dishes because everyone has their phones out on the table.
- At a slumber party for 11-year olds the girls spend the night texting each other and texting the girls who were not invited.
Also, I have to mention these interesting tidbits, because I have thought about them before, especially the last one:
- “Phones now routinely sit on tables in plain sight throughout a meal, used as mobile encyclopedias to feed conversation.” How true is that? I use my phone to fact check things all the time! And to look at my newsfeed for things to talk about.
- “Those not invited learn they have been left out via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Foursquare, creating a new strain of social anxiety for anyone who wishes that private parties might remain so.” I have not run in to this, but we all know about FOMO!
- “Smartphones have become social escorts, Ms. Smith says. ‘When people walk into a room where they don’t know anyone or feel insecure, they reach into their bags and start staring at the screen,’ says Ms. Smith, who is an active after-the-party tweeter.” Do you do this or know anyone who does?
-
“For their upcoming wedding this October in Sydney, Australia, Jacqui Stewart, 28, and Andrew Turner, 27, who both work in the technology industry, are banning the use of smartphones. ‘Be Nice, Turn Off that Device … We want you to be able to really enjoy our wedding day, feeling truly present and in the moment with us,’ their wedding website says.” I recently saw a bride’s photos all over Facebook before she posted any of her own, and I really wondered if she was okay with that.
So, what does the title have to do with this? Well, Steven had a real* smartphone well before I did (he got an iPhone in 2009) and he would use it when we were sitting on the couch watching movies. So I started saying “family time!” so he would put his phone away and just chill with me and Data (it sounds bitchy but it’s kind of a joke). Of course, since I got my iPhone this February, I use it all the time! I am bored watching movies, so I play on my phone (at home, not at the theater). That seems to be when I pull it out the most – when I am bored. And of course, just having a smartphone, you feel like you need to check in on things, since you can.
This article mentions how we instantly publish things to social media sites, now that we have that capability. One story in the article was about a party with George Clooney and how guests were taking their picture with him and posting them to Facebook/etc. before the party was even over. I have to say… I would probably be doing the same thing!
However, I do try to put my phone away at the dinner table, and when spending time with friends (not so much with family, it seems).
What are your smartphone usage rules?
*My Blackberry didn’t really count.
Themocracy
Where is the picture of you and Steven on the bus sitting next to each other looking at your respective phones : )
Ahh! I was trying to think of a pic to use and TOTALLY forgot about that one! So instead I took this one this am. I had to use the REAL camera.
I upgraded to a smart phone at the same time as Joey because I didn’t want to be annoyed or jealous of him playing on his phone when I couldn’t. I use mine a decent amount on my commute home and then playing games and such while watching some tv and even while cooking in the evenings. When we have friends over or go to people’s houses, I rarely use my phone. When my parents are around I rarely use it also. I prefer to be in the moment and try not to be rude.
Very interesting. I’m pretty attached to mine which only becomes worse when my BF is traveling- then I realize how much I actually use it (when he returns). I take 100’s of photos on it so that is my main vice but I can see how it gets in the way of real life and try to put it down a lot more.
That is what I was thinking about mine… I take almost all my photos on it now. It’s a shame because my camera takes nice pics too (I had to use it for the pic for this post)! But why carry both? Sigh. I actually wish I had had my real camera with me last night at the fireworks!
Sometimes my husband will get his phone out while we are at a restaurant and I find it annoying. He’s pretty good about it though! I think the worst was the mention from the article about the 11-year olds. His niece is 12 and he just got her an iphone for her birthday as a result of other kids picking on her saying she didn’t have a real phone…middle school was terrible I can only imaging what it is like now with all the social media, etc.
Yeah. I was thinking that too. A younger person I know is on FB and I saw some very inappropriate things on their wall… I cannot imagine.
I’ve been to parties where a guest spent the whole time texting with someone who wasn’t at the party. I’ve been to parties where people at the same party are texting each other so they can talk about someone AT the party. I’ve been sitting at a table at a meal and had people text each other about ME. Clearly the last one was the last straw for me with these women. Now I only have friends who are in the present. I do use mine a lot when I am waiting for Avery to get out of therapy and when I am in the kitchen getting meals ready.
Wow. I didn’t think anyone would actually do that! But… I have texted my BiL to talk about people in the same room. So I am guilty (although we do it hoping they will find out because it is just a continuation of however we are teasing them in person – yeah, we’re awful together).
i definitely use mine A LOT any time i have 30 seconds of boredom – waiting for the metro (or being on the metro), waiting 15 seconds for a friend to go to the restroom after a movie, you name it. i DON’T use it when i’m at a party or having fun though – it’s bad for my blogging/online life, because i never have any pictures of the fun things i did! …but good for my social life 🙂
re: the wedding one – i’d be interested to know if the bride was actually upset. my friends have often asked me to post pics from their weddings ASAP because it takes so long to get the official ones from the real photog!
I have wanted to ask the bride! Maybe I will the next time I see her in person. I was excited because it meant I got to see pics of her looking so beautiful right away!
I try to be really conscious of being on my phone in social situations. For one thing, my husband often complains about how I am “addicted to my computer” at home, so I try to put my laptop down when I’m done working and just wasting time; and I try to do the same with my phone. I wish the rest of my friends would do the same. I really hate when I am with friends, and someone is checking Facebook on their phone. Like … really? You have real, live humans (friends, no less!) in front of you, and you have to check what other people are doing? Although I am guilty of checking FB when I am out, I just try not to make a habit of it.
I have seen pictures on FB of a party my husband and I were not invited to. Although the pictures were of our friends doing keg stands, so I was actually glad we weren’t invited.
It does seem to be FB that I am checking the most. Which doesn’t make sense, since the app sucks and there is not much going on on there! I love skimming blogs on my phone too though, to get a preview of reading them later on my computer (or marking them as read if I decide it’s not something I will comment on).
I find being engrossed in one’s iPhone at the dinner table to be very rude and I don’t do it. The Caveman, however, is horrible with this. I have cowered behind my iPhon in awkward social situations though.
I use my phone (and computer) at home a lot and I hate it. I wish I could disconnect more. I have been working on keeping myself busy at home so i wont use my electronic devices and I enjoy it more that way. I never had a smart phone till last year and I really do use it most when I am bored. I often think about uninstalling my facebook app just so I can not use it because sometimes It just makes me angry seeing peoples silly posts. BUT it is the major way that my friends communicate so I do want to stay up to date on things. For my real close friends, its through texts and talking in person. I dont know if I will let my kids have smart phones until they are way older cause I want them to be able to grow up like I did without all that technology in their face.
I love and hate smartphones. I use mine when I’m at work and need a distraction or while I’m on the train, but try to just leave it in my purse if I’m out with friends. I don’t mind the occasional status update or picture upload (so I’m not banning phones at my wedding or anything), but it does seem a little rude when you’re out with someone who is CONSTANTLY checking their phone. Like what awesome update are you expecting to get?
And I’ve definitely been in the situation of not being invited to something and finding out via Facebook. I don’t generally care, but I can see how that would be really annoying or even hurtful to some.
This post also reminds me that I totally used your phone in a baggie in a sports bra trick while on a bike ride yesterday – great idea! I don’t know why I never thought of it.
Yay! Happy that worked for you!
I tend to keep my phone in my purse when it’s a group but if it’s me and Steven we usually have them out. Ha ha.
My wife is the one that hates me pulling my phone out. She’s gotten used to it, but also at the same time, I’ve cut back my use for those times when it bothers her – like at dinner at a restaurant when she wants me to talk to her and not tweet or check in or read news stories.
I’ve definitely pulled out the phone to “fake text” or something while waiting for someone or walking into a place by myself.
However, I try to keep it in the purse the majority of the time when I’m out to dinner. ESPECIALLY when on a date…
Do you ever do the fake call when you see the Green Peace people? Ooo… I’m so guilty.
Really interesting. I use the phone quite a bit when I’m waiting (at the doctor’s office, for instance), but my “smart” phone is becoming quite dumb as time passes because it is slower and slower and slower!
I make a pretty conscious effort to try to leave my phone at home on occasion – for instance, if I’m going out with my husband and we leave together and know exactly where we are going (and don’t have to check traffic), then we’ll both leave our phones at home. And when I’m eating with friends or just with friends – the phone is NOT on the table!
I do like the “family time” rule – that sounds like a good code name for “PUT your phone/iPad/whatever down”.
All very interesting points! It actually drives my mom crazy when people bust out there phones to look something up instead of just musing and talking about it. Doesn’t bother me, though!
What does bother me is when Jason won’t even attempt to make conversation with me because he’s got his phone out. Although, we’re both guilty of sitting on the couch next to each other playing on our phones.
Oh gosh. It makes me crazy to not remember something so I am so happy to be able to look it up!
I think about this topic a lot. Lately, I have been trying to leave my phone in another room during family meal time. And I would like to ignore all things online at least one day a week (have yet to accomplish that goal ever, let alone consistently). I have a really hard time with the need to be online – on the one hand, as a blogger and as a person who has friends all over the country, being online allows me to feel connected to people I wouldn’t otherwise see or meet. On the other hand, it’s incredibly distracting and definitely interrupts our ability to relate to the people in front of us (which is hyper annoying!).
I think I’ve just gotten too used to it and I almost never mind the use of smart phones except for two cases. First, at interactions between only two people when the one is looking constantly at their phone and the other one is just left there doing…. nothing! And second, when people use their phones when driving or walking. With walking sometimes I can accept it, if they can actually text and walk without bumping on me at the same time. But driving? Never! I know people who swear that they can text and drive but what I know is that when I see a car swerving and going to slow, 99% of the times I see the driver holding their phones when I pass them.
Oh, I can relate to this! So much. I am addicted to my phone and constantly on it, even when people are talking with me. It’s such a bad habit! It’s funny because when I was on my cruises, I barely ever had my phone on me and did just fine. (Okay, I did get bored at the dinners with nothing to distract me. You want me to talk? To humans? Face to face? WHAT IS THIS WEIRDNESS?!)
I also use my iPhone as my social escort. Oh yes. Totally.
So true! I used to give my husband so much crap for being on his phone all time. Now I can’t put mine down! Of course, his is a work phone and he does a lot of answering work emails and stuff. For whatever reason that bothers me more than if he were messing with social media.
I held off on getting a smart phone for a long time. I really didn’t want to be one of THOSE people. But after I spent a weekend in Nashville with a friend who had an iPhone, I HAD.TO.HAVE.ONE! I was amazed. Check the weather?! Urban spoon?! AWESOME! That was in the spring of 2010. D and I both ordered smart phones right after that, and now we’re both totally lost without it. Him moreso than me, I think. I’m usually pretty tolerant of it, but when we go out for dinner/drinks on Saturday night and he whips the phone out to check on his eBay listings… he’s gotten a couple of cussings over that crap.
Oh man, I’ve had strict cell phone policies since long before people had smart phones, and I still believe in my policies! I hate it when people play with their phones if we’re out to dinner or drinks or something. If they have a reason, “Oh, hey, my husband just asked me something, I just have to respond really quickly,” that’s okay, but if they’re texting people just for fun, or checking their facebook, I’m seriously offended by it. So…good friends know that it upsets me and don’t do it. And bad friends no that it upsets me and do it anyway. I haven’t had problems with the “bad friends” since moving out of LA though! 🙂
I try to put my phone away at times..but it is hard.
This has had me thinking for the last day. And while my kids have a “no electronic devices at the table” rule, John and I are SO guilty.
That said, I take it out to take pictures at a party, but otherwise try to leave it be. In a restaurant, it’s often on the table, but not on, because I don’t want to miss a text from Jenna if she needs me.
I need to learn to put it away more. It IS rude to not be in the present more than I am…
I very frequently see the usage of smartphones as a social device. Anytime I go to social functions where there are wallflowers, they always have their phones out.
I definitely pull my phone out anytime I have some time to kill (e.g. when I’m waiting in line, on the bus, etc.) I feel naked if I go somewhere without my phone!!!
Generally, I can ignore my phone, but I’ve always been one of those people who can generally let the phone go to voicemail and not even look at the caller ID. I also rarely take a call waiting call unless the call waiting person is someone on their way over or I’m on my way over there (I really don’t need to show up if they aren’t actually going to be home).
Multiple rings and multiple texts usually get me to look just in case it’s an emergency. If it’s 5 calls from someone, maybe there’s a problem…
Using my smart phone with others: I probably use it as often as I use a book (and I may actually be using it as a book), but I notice people (generally) get more upset at people with technology (generally not with me) than if they were reading a book or knitting or something else that’s occupying their time.
I’ll use it as a reference device when talking about stuff too, my mother will even ask if I can look something up if were out doing something; which is funny, because she can check when she gets home, but she’s adapted to knowing it’s possible to do it NOW.
This has been in my reader for forever, but I love it! I’ve met most of my friends in this city through social media, so it makes sense that when I hang out with them, phones are out almost all of the time. Although my parents were here this weekend, and my mom kept pulling out her iphone to look something up (on facebook, on the internet), and I think that was when I realized how crazy it is that we can’t be present when we’re looking things up. I wanted to be like, “Mom! Stop looking at your phone and talk to us!” I do like the idea of everyone putting their phone in the middle of a table and not being able to check it.
I think it’s kind of rude when someone pulls out their phone if you’re out to dinner…and since I date (blahhhh), I think it’s a huge turnoff if a guy checks his phone when we’re out.
I am surprised your mom was doing that! She is very hip and with it! So did you not say something to her?