Trying to get lost in the moment
A friend and I often talk about how our therapy sessions are really good, but that we promptly forget most of what was discussed when we leave, and should really start talking notes. I remembered that and took a voice memo on my phone after my session on Thursday, because I wanted to share some thoughts with you. Then I remembered this same friend told me she thinks people can relate to my blog because I write like how I talk. So true… as this is just a transcription of that voice memo (hence all the run-on sentences)!
Some of the things I have been working on with my therapist are so basic, but really things I need to work on. It’s good to have someone focusing on that with me, giving me their undivided attention.
I’ve mentioned before how obsessed I am with my schedule – that I am always looking forward to the future. But recently I’ve really seen how that’s inhibiting me from enjoying the present, so a lot of our focus has been on taking time to breath, noticing what’s going on around you, meditating, being in the present moment. Don’t always be thinking about what’s next, what I’ve got to do next, what’s going on tomorrow, what’s going on in a week… which is really hard for a planner like me who wants to be responsible, but I’m finding out that when I do just enjoy a moment or get lost in it it leaves me feeling so good!
And that’s not to say that I don’t do that now, but that I would like to do it more. When I spend time with friends now, or family, I can zone out, and really focus on them, but I can’t focus on a task at work, a task at home. I can’t sit still, I can’t just enjoy a movie without thinking about something else, so it’s been really good to work on those things.
And hopefully(!!!), as I work on them more it will make me less anxious, and help me accomplish the overall goal, which is to quit eating emotionally, which all my anxiety, and pressure and worry about schedule and other thing as well, not just schedule, make me do. And if I am overeating, I would like it to be because I am enjoying my food, not because I am just trying to numb myself. So, it’s really been interesting to me trying to focus on being in the moment, getting lost in the moment and I was wondering what are some of the things that you get lost in the moment of, maybe on a daily basis or like me, do you struggle to really enjoy things at face value at what they are?
It was really hard not to edit this, but I wanted to purely transcribe it! I tried to do some editing with the punctuation, but I think it kind of breaks it up.
Themocracy
Hi Kim, it was really interesting to read this, as I just walked in the door from Nia class, where I was totally struggling with being in the moment! I just wrapped up a big event at work as you know, and it had been hard for me not to be consumed by it outside of work, too. I was going back & forth during dance class with thinking about work and focusing on dancing. I realized that it may take me a while to get back to some mental equilibrium and relax when I’m off the clock.
Things that do help me to be in the moment are yoga class, travel, and reading an engrossing book.
I find myself with thoughts of work seeping in to my brain late at night. We were driving back to my Aunt’s house last night at 11:30 and all of a sudden I was thinking of all the things I have to do at work this week. What the heck? I really hate that. Work thoughts, stay out!
That is why I really like using my guided imagery to fall asleep. It helps me to focus on relaxing rather than on worrying about things I have to do.
That picture is awesome. Do you really walk your cat??? I so want to walk Olive.
Yeah, we’ve been walking Data for years. But it’s not like walking a dog. He tells us where we are going 🙂
You know, this reminded me of a piece I read in a book about anxiety that I completely forgot about. It talked about how you can center your mind by focusing on something that gives you joy in an otherwise joyless situation. For example, if your favorite color is blue, and you’re in a situation where your heart and mind are racing, you stop and notice and either mentally call out or count all the things in your environment that are blue. It connects you to your current environment in a way that is positive and calming.
Anyway, I had forgotten that advice entirely so thanks for taking my mind back there. 🙂 I would love to hear any other tips your therapist has given you for being in the moment.
Ooo! I really like that tip. That is the sort of thing I need. We are also working on a sort of meditation that is similar to that – just noticing the present, and the five sense. My favorite is “What do I hear?” because we have so many interesting nature noises where we live! 🙂
One of the things I struggle with is allowing myself to relax. I always feel guilty when I just sit on the couch. And then I get anxious that there are so many other things I should/need to be doing! Like right now. I’m reading blogs but all I can think is “LAUNDRY!!!” and “PACKING!!!!”
I force myself to start every morning with 10 or 15 minutes of just being still. I’ve never been able to meditate so this is as close as I get. I just sit and stare at nature. Sometimes my mind wants to race but overall it’s a peaceful, in the moment, time. Yoga and reading a good book also do this for me.
I am right there with you!!! Especially lately with planning the wedding, I have been insane. Rich tells me constantly that I never just sit down. Even when I “sit” I have laundry going, and when I am watching tv I usually am blogging or to-do list making, etc. etc. Actually, I think the only time I actually SAT and relaxed this week was today when I was getting my hair done, because I had foils on my head and really couldn’t move.
Living in the moment is something I’ve been trying to focus on for a long time. I was given this book after my Mom passed away and it is a very simple message. Check it out!
http://www.amazon.com/Precious-Present-Spencer-Johnson-M-D/dp/0385468059
Yeah… we are very similar!!! 🙂
That books sounds exactly like what I need! Thanks for recommending it!
Totally agree on this one. I think it’s a common American problem. We’re all rushing towards the next bigger, better thing that we don’t take time to look around and remember how lucky we are every day. I find this especially true when I’m training for a race. I’m always looking forward to the next milestone, and not necessarily enjoying each run for what it is: a chance to enjoy a beautiful day with my functioning legs.
I feel like everyone does this to some extent, and with how overscheduled we all are, it makes sense. But it sounds like you’re definitely moving in the right direction!
This is something that I am surprisingly good at. I’ve never been a worrier, even as a mother. I don’t tend to get too anxious about what’s to come. I don’t know why that is though – maybe just my nature? My husband struggles with this though, and even though he’s aware of it, he can’t seem to turn it OFF. I hope you figure that one out, and that your therapist continues to be helpful.
I saw your comment on my blog, so I came over to check yours out. I got a little freaked out reading this entry, because I felt like I was reading something I had written. Maybe it is a type A runner thing, but I waste so much time worrying about what is coming that I totally miss what is happening now. One of my new year’s resolutions this year was to be more conscious, and I think I’m failing pretty miserably!
Thanks for stopping over! Maybe we can help remind each other to chill out and enjoy life! Easier said than done, right?!
I definitely have the tendency to think ahead and freak out and not enjoy the moment when i should be. I think taking classes yoga have really helped me to just take some quiet time and just breath it all in. I always feel so clear and relaxed afterwards that I’m able to be more in the moment. I think it’s great that you are being conscious of this. And I’m sure over time it will get easier to manage.
Thanks for being so honest here. I think a lot of people struggle to stay in the moment. I know that I definitely struggle with this. Being a teacher, I’m on that ‘what’s-next’ schedule as I think about the school year and classes and what to plan. It’s funny because I don’t keep a rigid schedule written out, but I do keep a pretty rigid mental schedule.
I do work on relaxing a bit some of my expectations and the rigidity of my schedule, in part because I end up making my partner feel more stressed out (not a good thing).
In terms of getting lost in the moment – definitely last week when we were on our hike through the Muir Woods. I find that hiking is a great time to let my mind wander but I can’t be in a hurry when I’m wandering along on a trail.
Also, going to the theatre to see a good movie! When I watch a movie at home, there are so many ups and downs, but if I’m at the theatre, the movie has my full attention. If it’s a good movie, then it’s just fun to lose myself in it.
It has been really helpful to me to think about what positive effect I have been getting out of the disordered eating (for me stress relief, self calming) and try to find other, equally satisfying, ways to get the same effect. It’s not easy, because the eating is so firmly ingrained, but I am slowly getting there and starting to change my thinking.
You are doing great – just being mindful of what’s going on is so important!
Yay! I am so excited you are making progress!!!
This is not pertaining to your serious post, but OH MY GOSH you look hot in that last picture!! 🙂
Ha ha. Thank you 🙂
I am definitely a planner like you. And to some extent, I think it’s important to embrace the fact that we’re organized (we accomplish so much because of this trait – something that shouldn’t be ignored). But, you’re right – it’s so easy to get pulled into the swirl that is our calendars and our lives and we forget to enjoy each step of the way. During the week, I pretty much have a set routine that involves getting Gavin to daycare, working out, working, making dinner/spending time with my boys in the evening. That doesn’t change too frequently. However, every weekend is different. Things I’ve found that help me enjoy my weekends: (1) Put the calendar away — check it for immediate plans, but do not look into next week and do not make additional plans … making plans can wait until the following week; and, (2) Limit my online time, which means only checking Facebook once or twice a day and maybe reading emails, but not replying to much of anything and not composing any new emails. Again, communications can wait until the week. I feel like one of the huge obstacles most people face is learning to put the phone down … and I’m certainly included in that!
I always feel so liberated when I take a vacation away from the internets/3G. I love communicating with people, but you are right – it can usually wait!
I don’t struggle so much as I get distracted. One of the most relaxing times I’ve had in recent memory was my trip last May to Myrtle Beach, SC. Up until 7 days later when I got a work-related phone call from the alarm company because of a power outage, I wasn’t distracted about anything except getting to the liquor store before they closed at 7pm.
My mind was totally in the moment and it was nice. It was refreshing to not have any worries. Granted, that was vacation, but since then, I’ve learned to try and not stress about work so much, which given my recent decision to set a date and move on from my current job, has helped in many ways.
I still plan for the future and I still get irritated when others aren’t as prompt as I am, but from a work perspective, I can at least enjoy my own time now without going into a fit each time a call comes in.
I struggle with this so much that I tattoed “Be” on my wrist to remember. So yeah, I have a hard time getting lost in moments. It’s a control thing for me. I don’t feel safe unless I’m controlling it. Sigh.
I thought about you and your tattoo when I was recording this, which is probably a bit weird… 😉