Guarded
I am typically a very open, tell anyone anything sort of gal… until I find a reason not to be. And then I am quiet. And that is hard for me.
Photo taken by Gina (editing my own)
But sometimes it’s necessary, especially when people:
- don’t have your best interest in mind
- aren’t listening anyway
- use personal information you give them to make snarky comments
I guess it’s really the last one that gets to me. I know someone who, when I share personal information with them, sometimes makes inappropriate comments about my loved ones.
I feel more and more guarded every time they ask “how was your weekend?” and “what’s new?” because I feel like anything I say will be held against me or turn in to a mean comment. I give as little detail as possible.
Kind of strange to think that I would not want to share my love for my friends with someone, but you never know what will come out of people’s mouths!
Luckily, I don’t have many people like this in my life. Because, ugh, wouldn’t that be a drag?
But it still sucks.
I didn’t want to write about something so negative, but you know me – I figured maybe someone out there could relate.
Do you tend to be more reserved/guarded about your personal life with certain people?
Themocracy
Yes and it took awhile for me to figure out that people would use what I said against me down the road, so I learned to just smile and shut my mouth 🙂
Once someone loses my trust, I am completely reserved and more guarded
I’m sure I am this way around certain people but I can’t think of any specific instances right now.
I can totally relate. To me, some people give off a vibe that they can’t be trusted. It sucks, but it’s hard to bounce back from that and earn trust…
um, yes.
Yes, definitely. And sometimes it’s hard to keep track of what kind of things to avoid talking about to which person. It sometimes feels so frustrating to have to be so guarded…
I talk to so many people (it feels like) that I have a hard time keeping track of who I told what, period. So I totally know what you mean!
I am guarded too, there are only a few people that I can be fully open but most just barely scratch the surface
Yes – there is someone at work who is sort of a friend but it’s a complicated relationship, and I find myself very reluctant to share too many details about my life.
I think it is smart to know when and whom to trust and when not to overshare.
Such a shame that people have to be idiots. They miss out on what a truly awesome person you are because they don’t know how to act appropriately.
Ha ha. Thanks. Of course, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Definitely. For example, my mom tends to criticize a lot of what I tell her. So I am selective of what I tell her. It’s frustrating, but at the end of the day we have to take care of ourselves first!
I’m the exact same way. A lot of people you can tell you just cant trust so i just keep my mouth shtu..
There are definitely things I don’t tell coworkers or people I don’t know very well. Not necessarily because of the reasons you listed, but because I’m afraid that their opinion or beliefs won’t match mine and they’ll be critical of me. Regardless, it’s a pain to have to censor yourself around people when all you want to do is be happy and outgoing!
I tend to not talk to people who try to give me advice about my problems. If they ask me how things are going, I often lie and say everything is great just so I don’t have to hear about how I can make my life better.
YES! This is what I find myself doing. Saying things are fine just so I don’t get their advice!
I talk to my mom almost every day and she said she finds out things on my blog that she didn’t know, so I’m not sure what that says about me.
I’ve found myself in this situation more times than I’d like to recall as well. It’s hard because I’d like to think I’m a genuine and good-hearted person and try to think the best of people. I’m way to trusting for my own good sometimes though. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this now and censor yourself! 🙁
I have a habit of sharing way too much. It’s not always a good thing, and there are certain people that definitely use it against me. Sometimes I think I should start keeping things to myself, but I’m just not good at it.
I understand 100%. These people are frenemies so I would rather not divulge my personal information to them. Especially with relationships. Some girls are SO competitive about everything. They want to have the best life and will talk down to you to make themselves feel better. Anyway, with that said, I have a set of close friends that I trust to tell everything to-that’s all I need! 🙂
You know, it does seem to be women who need to feel better than everyone. Or maybe I just don’t have that many male friends. I am happy for the close, good friends I have though!!!
I used to open up easier than I do now There are definitely people that I stay little quieter around just because I’m afraid of who they will tell/what they will do with the information. But if I know you and trust you, I will talk your ear off and tell you probably more than you want to know 🙂
Some of my closest friends say I’m cryptic, but I just choose what I share. I absolutely relate to your thoughts. Unfortunately there are life vampire suckers that drain all the joy right out of you.
I think you have every right to feel guarded and hopefully you have someone you can truly trust to tell things to.
Thanks for understanding! And I do have friends I can talk to. Phew. I just don’t see them most days of the week 😉
YES!!
There are some people who don’t support other people being happy. I do my best to avoid them. And when someone over-uses sarcasm as a mode of humor, I get turned off. I like sarcasm but not when it’s used to hurt someone. I know a few people who seem to use it and say, “I was just joking!” but their jab smacks of truth, like they really think I’m ridiculous. I don’t love being around judgy, cruel people.
I can relate! I used to over share. These days, though, I am pretty well able to keep things close to my heart. I don’t tell things to anyone I suspect won’t be happy for me, won’t care, or will use it against me later. It’s sad to have to play those cards; but I found that it also makes those special things that much more precious! (That’s why I blog more “anonymously” now. Although I suspect it wouldn’t be hard to figure me out! 😉
One of my very good friends – a guy – received the announcement a few weeks ago that I am adopting. He responded to my announcement with, “Exciting stuff,” As if I announced that I was going to a baseball game or visiting the State fair. That was the day before he announced he and his wife were finally preggo (after three years trying) with twins (and during those year, lamenting about how he would NEVER adopt). Even though he’s been a very close friend for many, many years, that was the final straw that broke the friendship camel’s back for me (many other things he’s been unsupportive about). I’ve decided no more hanging out/sharing/close details with him.
Most of my friends now are either very old friends from grade school, or friends within my yoga community. I stay lined up only with people/friends who behave and treat others in the ways that I do. If that even makes sense… I treat others how I want to be treated. It’s not worth it to feel badly about yourself because you have unsupportive friends!
(Thanks for letting me vent/share, haha!)
Hugs, Kim!
Thanks for sharing and relating. I have gone through a few incidents in life that have really shown me who my TRUE friends are, and it sounds like you have too. I want people to be happy for me when I am happy, sad for me when I am sad (hopefully not too often) and supportive. I don’t want to waste my time sharing real details with people who use them against me. Which is kind of silly… considering I am a blogger!
I am guarded for some. Mostly uncensored, but there are some (like my family and friends I grew up with on Facebook) that I tend to hold back or tailor information to. Mostly if I feel like I’m going to judged for my opinions, thoughts and words.
Over the years, I’ve been less reserved on many levels and areas.