Comments (29)

By kilax, January 17, 2012 7:08 pm

Or crazy?

I just finished the book MWF seeking BFF (about a woman who moves from NYC to Chicago, leaves her two best friends (BF) in NYC and starts a year-long quest to find a BF in Chicago). I must have been inspired, because after my kickboxing class, I asked a fellow kickboxer if she wanted to grab lunch sometime! Don’t worry – we had talked before class too. But I did look like this when I asked her out:

But I wasn’t making that face. Ha ha.

Anyway, I was going to ask you guys if you thought she would contact me, because I gave my info to her and did not get hers in return. In that book, the author said she always got the info and contacted the other person, because people usually don’t follow up. 

My hopes were not too high, but I already had a text (to my email) when I turned my computer on! Cool! Maybe I’ll make a new friend? She is a runner (that is what started the conversation – me asking about her running shirt) and from a suburb out here, but lives in the city. Hmm.

Have you ever asked a random person out?

I have to say – I do think this is the first time I have! I’ll let you guys know if we ever do have lunch. 

Comments (49)

By kilax, January 17, 2012 4:21 am

How true are our online identities to who we are in real life*? What do we choose to reveal and hide when we present ourselves online?

I’ve been alluding that I’ve been working on an online identities post for awhile. Erin first asked that I write about it when I mentioned FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) in this post. FOMO happens when you go online and read about people doing all these fun things – and it makes you feel like you are missing out. This is similar to the social comparison theory – that we evaluate our own circumstances by comparing them to others. Research says that a lot of people feel depressed during the holidays because of this. They see everyone sharing their celebrations (online or in person), and can’t help but think they are better than their own. Well, that can get especially tricky when you are comparing yourself to someone’s Facebook status, which may only highlight the good**.

So, we know we compare ourselves to what we see online. I bet we all do, a little bit, in some shape or form. In this post, I talked about how I cannot read food journal blogs, because I compare myself. And some people mentioned that that does not affect them, but that they can’t read training blogs. Seeing people having fun does not make me feel left out, but I can see how it would! We’re all different. 

Yikes! I feel like I need to back up. I am already all over the place with this post. And I have a lot to say!

Since Erin mentioned that she thought a post on online identities would be interesting, I have been picking up a lot on people casually alluding to their online identities. One blogger said they have to filter everything they write on their blog because one of their siblings reads their blog. Have you ever filtered what you say on your blog because family is reading? You can believe I have. 

Another blogger said that they doubted what some food bloggers show on their blog is really all they are eating. It just seemed like so little, like the food blogger was only putting on a show for an audience. 

And another blogger wrote that they make sure they don’t write too many “down” posts in a row on their blog, because then their readers start to worry about them! And they don’t want that. But hey, that blogger probably also wants an outlet for the crappy things in life, so what can they do?

It seems to me like these are all minor levels of altering our identities. Not telling a story because family will interpret it weirdly, lying about how much ice cream you ate (or that you ate it at all), making sure the post you write isn’t too much of a downer… we can do all of these things but still be somewhat true to our identity. Don’t get me wrong, it does begin to alter people’s view of us, but it wouldn’t be such a big deal if you met a blogger in real life, then realized, “wow, you eat a lot more ice cream than I thought” (such a silly example, but you get it).

But what about completely altered online identities? People who lie about their sex or age on their blog, in forums, on dating sites. People who pretend they are someone else… even using someone else’s picture. People who completely lie and make up “facts” about what they are talking about. I have heard rumors of a Chicagoland blogger who completely lies about her race times – she says she finished a marathon in under 4 hours but it really took her 6, or something like that. 

I think it’s true that we are all going to alter our identity a bit, but how much? Are we just leaving out little upsetting facts that we don’t want people to know about us? Or are we lying about where we’re from, what we do, how much we make at work? The internet gives us infinite opportunities to define who we are. We get to choose how true that is. And in the beginning it only affects us*** – but as we start to build online relationships based on online identities, it can affect other people as well. 

In true Kim style, I couldn’t write this post without doing a little bit (very little) online research, so I can give you some bullets, and I found this cool online book called The Psychology of Cyberspace. Even better, I found this short article, which gives an overview and some interesting tidbits of the book. Credit for this info to John Suler, who wrote the online book.

• Level of Dissociation and Identity – We balance multiple roles in real life – spouse, mother, neighbor, employee, etc. Our lives are successful when we efficiently “juggle” our different roles.  Our online identities give us a chance to dissociate how much of these roles we reveal. It also gives us the opportunity to focus on one of these roles, and really develop it, when we might not have the opportunity to in real live.
• Positive and Negative Valence – We may choose to highlight our most positive or negative qualities online, as a sub-conscious way of working through them.  “An insecure, passive-aggressive person gets stuck in an endless stream of online arguments. Others may use cyberspace as a opportunity to exercise their positive characteristics, or to develop new ones in a process of ‘self-actualization.'”
• Level of Fantasy or Reality – In some instances we are expected to be truthful to who we really are, say for example, on LinkedIn. But in a fantasy online community, you are encouraged to make up your character, or avatar. So at what level are we representing ourselves? And the author brings up this interesting question: 

What is one’s TRUE identity? We usually assume it must be the self that you present to others and consciously experience in your day-to-day living. But is that the true self? Many people walk around in their f2f [face-to-face] lives wearing “masks” that are quite different than how they think and feel internally. All the time people are discovering things about their personality that they never realized before. Our daydreams and fantasies often reveal hidden aspects of what we need or wish to be. If people drop the usual f2f persona and bring to life online those hidden or fantasied identities, might not that be in some ways MORE true or “real”?

• Level of Conscious Awareness and Control – We may be selecting a way to represent ourselves online subconsciously. We may do things that appeal to us, without even realizing the deeper meaning of the choice we are making. 
• The Media Chosen – whether it’s a blog, twitter, Facebook, chat, video chat, email – these tools all allow different levels of communication. The media we choose to use will affect our “degree of identity integration and dissociation.”

Online identities – it’s like I have opened up a can of worms. What’s your thought on all this?

Just writing this put a lot of thoughts in my head for future blog topics… so stay tuned! (if you’re interested, ha ha)

*And even writing this, I am thinking, who we are in real life changes depending on who we are around!
**Not to say there aren’t people on Facebook who only highlight the bad. Ha ha. 
***I bet it’s very easy to get lost in an online identity. 

Comments (28)

By kilax, January 16, 2012 5:05 am

During my run on Saturday, I was thinking about how well my eating has been going, except for a few unfortunate run-ins with some cookies. “That’s it!” I told myself. “Stop buying cookies until you learn to eat just one.” (Really, stop buying HUGE cookies! Because just one of the kind I had was 550 calories, revision “Stop buying cookies until you learn to just eat part of one.”)

Then I checked the mail later in the day and had a package from Caveman Cookies!

Ha ha. I had forgotten I saw their ad in a magazine and was intrigued and asked them to send me some samples to review.

But the cool thing about Caveman Cookies is that they only have a few base ingredients (they’re kind of like the Larabar of cookies!), they’re low in calories, they’re gluten-free and they’re dairy free! They’re not vegan, because they have honey in them, but… I eat honey. Sigh. I am not a real vegan. The secret’s out!

Here are their cookie flavors and ingredients:

Original Caveman Cookies: honey, almond meal, walnuts, raisins, ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon.
Tropical Caveman Cookies: almond meal, honey, unsulfured coconut, macadamia nuts, ginger.
Alpine Caveman Cookies: honey, hazelnut meal, almond meal, toasted ground carob.
Rainforest Caveman Cookies: honey, almond meal, brazil nut meal, chopped almonds, dried cherries (cherries, sunflower oil), nutmeg, cayenne pepper.

I think the story to how Caveman Cookies got started is really cool:

And what is really interesting is that this cookies are designed to be a part of the paleolithic diet, which I mentioned in this post! And their little caveman guy is so cute:

Okay, on to the review! The cookies are chewy and dense, which I LOVE! I am not a fan of brittle or crunchy cookies. 

And they are not overly sweet! I think honey was the predominant taste in most of them. They reminded me more of a healthy snack, than a cookie. Which they even say in their literature “sweet enough for a dessert: healthy enough for a snack.”

I don’t think I would eat one of these as a replacement for a cookie, but if I was looking for a filling, somewhat sweet in the afternoon, I would grab one!

Want to give them a try? I have two sample cookies of each flavor to giveaway!

Caveman Cookies Giveaway Rules

1. One reader will receive two cookies of each flavor: original, tropical, alpine and rainforest. 
2. Required to enter the giveaway: leave me a comment telling me which flavor you want to try first. 
3. This giveaway is open until 5:00 PM CST on Wednesday January 18. I will use random.org to select the winner. I will announce the winner on Thursday January 19. 
4. This giveaway is open to all readers.

Comments (24)

By kilax, January 15, 2012 9:44 am

I am reading this awesome book – MWF seeking BFF* – about author Rachel Bertsche’s quest to find a new best friend. She’s moved from NYC to Chicago to be with her boyfriend (and eventual husband) and while she has best friends back in NYC, she has none in Chicago. So she goes on 52 friend-dates in one year, to see if she can find a new BFF.

So far, I am loving the book. It’s the perfect combination of her date recaps and research on friendship. I have taken a ton of notes and I am only halfway through the book! It’s given me a lot to think about!

Anyway, I am at a point in the book where Bertsche is talking about how she’s been making new friends, but communicating mainly via email or Facebook – she hardly has anyone’s phone numbers. Then she talks about how she stays in touch via phone with her out of town friends, but when she sees a local friend’s number show up on her caller ID, she wonders what is wrong. She says, “Phone calls feel like impositions of the neighborly pop-in variety” – and she does not want to be the friend “that prompts a ‘why is she calling me?’ “

Data is waiting for someone to call… in the bathroom though? Eww! P.S. While searching my blog for a phone pic, I found this old post where I asked people how they prefer to communicate with their friends. Yes, I write the same things over and over. And it is interesting how things have changed since I wrote that.  

I had to write about this, because I am the same way. There are certain people I talk to on the phone, and I have set up ring tones for them. When I hear my phone’s regular ring tone, I am like “Who the hell is calling me?” And I get anxious. I don’t want to talk to someone I am not used to talking to. That’s awful!

I do mainly stay in touch with my friends via email, gchat, texting and sometimes video chat. I called Erin a lot in 2010, because I was going through some rough stuff, but we are more likely to chat in person or email.

I’ve been trying to call people more this year. I called a bridesmaid of mine in the beginning of January and the phone rang once, she picked up, then hung up. I hope that was not on purpose (because it made me feel awful). I am going to try calling again in a few weeks. 

Do you have any friends you talk to on the phone on a regular basis?

Do you ever feel like it’s an imposition when someone calls you?

I feel like it’s hard to find time to have a good, long phone call on weeknights. I am much more likely to call and have a long chat on the weekends. 

*This link is to the blog about the book – check it out! Lots of interesting posts!

Comments (10)

By kilax, January 15, 2012 5:36 am

Day 813 | January 9, 2011: 6 m run (5×3 fartlek)

This speed workout was so much better than last Monday’s! I did a two mile warm-up, followed by 5 x 3:00 minutes fast (7:45-8:00 pace) with 2:00 minute recoveries, and a mile+ cool down. I felt like the speedy sessions were easy at first, then getting harder as I became more tired. But I felt strong the whole time, and like I was running tall and engaging my core. 

3:00 times: 7:56, 7:45, 7:55, 7:58, 7:57

Distance: 6.0 | Start Temp: 40° | End Temp: 40° | Time: 54:28 | Avg Pace: 9:05

Day 814 | January 10, 2011: 5 m run (easy)

Easy run recovery from speedwork the night before. The weather was so nice – I had a tee and arm warmers on again! I kept running through these pockets of chilly cold air though – it was a bit eerie!

Distance: 5.0 | Start Temp: 40° | End Temp: 37° | Time: 45:53 | Avg Pace: 9:10

Day 815 | January 11, 2011: strength class

We used the two-person resistance bands and dumbbells in class again. And we did lots and lots of squats. I really like the two-person resistance bands for working on my abs. Is it possible I could wear a binkini this summer?!

Day 816 | January 12, 2011: 5 m run (easy)

I had a lunch date and a night date, and was worried about running in the snow, so I got up at 3:00 (!) to run. I am surprised how well it went. Usually my body has a hard time waking up, but I went to bed at 9:00 so I could have my normal 6 hours of sleep. 

Distance: 5.0 | Start Temp: 34° | End Temp: 33° | Time: 47:20 | Avg Pace: 9:28

No snow run for me! I came home to this:

I like running in the snow, but running in the dark in my neighborhood in the snow is kind of risky.

Day 817 | January 13, 2011: strength + 6 m run (easy)

Brian came over during my lunch break and we did a weighted bar and soft balls (like this) workout. Some of the moves made me feel like a badass ninja – Brian would hold one of the bars up and I would swing mine up to hit it! I made sure to really focus during that move… so that no one got hurt!

After work I had my first slushy/icy run of the year! How can snow cause both those conditions? Ha ha. I also wore real tights (besides my badass tights) for the first time. Winter is here. And the winter road conditions are slowing me down! 

Distance: 6.0 | Start Temp: 20° | End Temp: 21° | Time: 1:01:19 | Avg Pace: 10:13

Day 818 | January 14, 2011: 13 m run (easy w/6×15 sec strides)

I wasn’t exactly looking forward to this run. I had a feeling that 13 miles in the snow would take me forever. And it did. But I actually enjoyed it. It was quiet and peaceful (except that car that ignored a stop sign and almost hit me). And I liked seeing all the kids out playing in the snow. And… it’s just nice to know I still have my endurance. 

I did 15 second strides every 2 miles. They got slower as I went on, just like my overall pace. Ha ha. I was supposed to be light on my feet during the strides, but that felt difficult with all the snow on my shoes! Maybe all the snow will be gone next week?

Distance: 13.0 | Start Temp: 15° | End Temp: 18° | Time: 2:20:43 | Avg Pace: 10:49

Day 819 | January 15, 2011: rest

Week Summary: 35.0 miles

Comments (25)

By kilax, January 14, 2012 5:18 am

Well, really, Thursday!

Do you ever have what you think is a really crappy day, then kind of get a grip on reality and get over yourself?

That was my Thursday. Super crappy afternoon, followed by a fun three-way Google+ Hangout (that is what they call their video chat) in the evening, but I still went to bed feeling upset.

Then… I got a call at 11:30 pm from my sister. She was like “Are you sleeping? Did I wake you up?” And I said something like “Of course I am sleeping, it’s 11:30!” (ha ha). Then she says, “I just wanted to call you and tell you that Will asked me to marry him!”

Oh my gosh. All of a sudden I was awake. I felt so overcome with happiness and excitement. I was so happy she called me to tell me! She told me a bit about the proposal, I asked to see a picture of the ring, then we hung up since it was so late.

But I was so excited I wanted to tell everyone. Like, right then. It was hard to wait for the morning, when normal people are awake. I emailed Steven right away, then got up at 5:30 because I was so excited I couldn’t sleep, and started emailing my close friends to tell them the news.

I got the full story from my sister yesterday. She and Will had been looking at a ring together, and had even ordered it, but she had no idea when he would pick the ring up/propose. There was a  bad snowstorm in Iowa (and Illinois!) this week, so she knew it would be awhile before he could drive (two hours) to pick up the ring. She came home from work late Thursday night and Will told her he had a surprise for her – cupcakes from her favorite place, Scratch. But he said “I accidentally ate one” – then she went to look at the box and where the fourth missing cupcakes should have been, he had the ring box! Then he got down on one knee and told her how much he loved her, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and asked her to marry him. Aww!!!

Christina was totally surprised he asked the way he did, and when he did!

We love Will. I am always telling people how fun, charismatic and easy going he is. He’s a guy you want to hang out with, and I am so happy to call him my brother-in-law! (Well, future BiL).

Congratulations Christina and Will!!!

Oh, so back to my question – I could not stop smiling on Friday, I was so happy for my sister and her fiancé (eek!). It has been a huge reminder that I need to quit worrying about the stupid little things (work) and remember the good things! I think the next time I am having a day like that I will just think about this, and hopefully all those warm and fuzzy feelings will come back!

Comments (26)

By kilax, January 13, 2012 5:43 am

What field do you work in? Has your field been affected at all by “the economy”?

I found this little gem when I was looking through the papers at my grandma’s house last Friday:

I have an architecture degree (I am not licensed though) and yeah, our industry has been hit big time. A lot of people from college are unemployed or working in entirely different fields (<– which I think is totally okay*).

I have a non-traditional architecture related job, and work for the federal government. It was not my intent to work for the government**, but I am very happy that I do. 

*Just because you get a degree in one thing does not mean you have to be that ONE thing. IMO.
**The opportunity kind of fell in my lap!

Comments (23)

By kilax, January 12, 2012 5:30 am

• Today’s my best friend Erin‘s birthday! Happy Birthday Erin!

One of my fave pics of the two of us

• A coworker mentioned that one of her New Year’s resolutions was to be “more liquid.” I was all “huh?” so she explained it means to go with the flow, be more accepting to change. That is a very cool way to say it. And a good goal. I am kind of a brat when I don’t get my way (at home anyway – I try to behave in public). Have you heard that saying before? Are you very liquid?
• Would you believe Steven is in Miami and asked me if I wanted to come this weekend and I declined? I decided traveling to Iowa last weekend and KC at the end of the month would be too much travel. Yes. I am an old lady. Picture of the ocean from his hotel:

• Speaking of being an old lady, I actually purchased, on purpose, dorky holiday earrings for next year. Who wants to make a reservation now to take me as their holiday party date? Don’t all ask at once!

• Since I am totally cool, I traveled with my scale to Iowa, to keep my eating in check this weekend. Lame? Yes. Did I gain any weight while I was there? NO. And that made me feel good. For once, I did not overdo it (too much) while visiting family. 

• I really liked Abbi’s post, Consistently Inconsistent, about her struggles with deciding which animal products to consume. Check it out!
• I met a local blogger for lunch on Monday – Losing Lindy. Check out her blog! She is a beginning runner, fellow Chicagoland-ian, and has a 4-year-old son.  
• Carol has a great post, Faith & Pay Off, about how difficult it is to eat healthy when we don’t see immediate results. 
• Sunny wrote a really interesting post, Fear of Parenting, about her fears of becoming a foster parent. I hope some of you parents click on over to give her some input! I didn’t have any, but she raised some very interesting questions. 
• My close friend Jen has a guest post on Fitnessista’s blog about her birth story. Check it out here!
• And in case you missed it last week, Erin wrote a really cool post, Balance, about being the best version of herself in 2012. 

Comments (48)

By kilax, January 11, 2012 5:28 am

Blogging, that is.

A close friend of mine commented to me (twice!) about how frequently I have been posting lately. And it’s true! My blogging frequency has increased. I tried to explain to her that my blogging frequency is directly related to my happiness level, so the more I blog, the more happy I am. But I did not explain it very well to her. 

Essentially, when I am feeling very upbeat, open, outgoing, excited, enthusiastic and overall happy, I post a lot. I tend to crave interaction when I am feeling that good, and blogging is a very good way for me to satisfy that craving. I’m feeling creative, and I am feeling like sharing my ideas, not matter how silly they are. You see lots of me. 

If I am feeling down in the dumps, discouraged, upset and overall unhappy, I will blog much less. I will withdrawal online, and somewhat in real life too. I will probably mention that things are dumpy, but probably only go in to a minimal amount of detail. It will then take awhile for the blogging frequency to get back up. I’ll probably still comment on other people’s blogs, but I won’t feel like writing here. You’ll sense that something is up. 

And…that is the pattern of blogging I have figured out about myself. I am not sure if it is common or unusual, but I know it to be true. I can go back in my archives, and remember the sh*tty stuff that was going on in my life, and see my absence. And I can recognize the good times too!

The funny thing is, I sometimes try to blog myself out of a slump, but it just doesn’t seem to work for me. It feels artificial.

Anyway, I have asked all of these questions before, but I always find the answers interesting!

Does your mood affect the frequency of your blogging?

Do you blog on any sort of set schedule? What is your style?

I almost always blog my Sunday training recap! The Friday Question is less frequent. And it is sporadic the rest of the week. I try to have posts ready at 5:23 am, when I board the train, but sometimes I don’t get to them until later in the day. Ideally, I would have them all ready the night before, but sometimes inspiration strikes at an inconvenient (or rather, unscheduled) time! 

Comments (46)

By kilax, January 10, 2012 5:38 am

Does anyone else look at these elite marathoner diets (the one below is for Dathan Ritzenheim from the February issue of Runner’s World) and think “Geez, I eat more than they do, and they work out twice a day! What the heck is wrong with me?!”?

That does not seem like much food. To me, anyway. 

Now, to his credit, he did say he enjoys homemade bread with honey and butter as a treat. And this guy probably weighs less than me, so there’s that… but yeah. That’s all I can come up with. 

I think it’s really interesting to see what elite marathoners eat, and get a glimpse in to their lives. But really? I struggle with seeing too much of what other people eat (on blogs) – I know it helps hold some people accountable, but for me, it becomes a comparison, and I really don’t need that. We’re all on our own food journey, and I cannot look at someone else’s daily eats without thinking how I ate more. So I avoid that. And I am not talking about sharing recipes, or “look at this awesome cupcake,” but food diaries. 

Oops. This turned into a food post. It was supposed to be a running post. Hey! What happened?!

Let me talk about something I can relate to, also from the same issue of Runner’s World. There was a short article about finding the perfect running partner. The criteria in the article was obvious and basic, but I did like the last section of the article (read here) about running buddy bonds. Update – link to the RW article here. 

I’ve noticed, and I am sure many of you runners have too, that there is a tendency to open up to one another when running, and feel like you can say anything. This short blurb (three paragraphs) touched on that, saying “cortisol is low, so stress is low” and “endorphins are flowing, so your guard is down.” You feel relaxed, and like you can speak freely. Also, there is the whole interesting dynamic of not facing the person you are talking to, so you are talking forward, which may also be more freeing.

As usual, I am butchering what I read and not quite getting my thoughts out, but maybe someone out there knows what I am talking about. Maybe I should explain it to you during a run? 

When you read blog posts about what other people eat (like a meal diary) do you compare yourself to them? Do you find it helpful or harmful*?

Do you feel like you can open up with your running buddies? Why do you think that is?

I feel like one of the reasons Erin and I have such a strong relationship is because we spent countless hours running together! And the weekly lunch dates. And sometimes weekend dates. Oh, and all those emails… ha ha. 

*And I am not saying it’s bad to share what you eat. Just that personally, I should not look at it, because I am not in a healthy state of mind, food-wise. I am getting there!