Why start comparing now?
Warning: this post is about body image. Please don’t read it if you find these discussions triggering.
Also, I am NOT fishing for compliments here – just sharing my thoughts and hoping to hear yours.
I like to think that I have a great relationship with my body. In fact, I sometimes think it’s too great – too lax. All of these years that I have been up and down in weight (and I mean, drastically up and down) I have been really easy on myself. I didn’t worry about my weight too much. I wasn’t too embarrassed. I was annoyed when clothes were tight, but I still went out in my swimming suit. I even posed for pictures!
Lately I have been trying to eat healthy and keep working out. I want to get to a healthy weight and stay there. This is a lot different than my “whatever” attitude of before! I hope it sticks.
Anyway, Brian had new shirts designed for his Business (Essential Fitness Now) and gave us all one during our Wednesday strength class. We all posed for pictures, and I was really looking forward to seeing them. I have lost a bit of weight and was feeling slim and thought I might look nice.
GRC friend, Bobbi, GRC friend and me
I was so shocked when I saw the picture and all I thought was “My legs are so big compared to everyone else’s!” and “I look like I have a belly roll!”
What. The. Hell. Where did these thoughts come from? I have NEVER compared myself to other people in this unhealthy way before. Sure, I have said “I look nothing like my sister – she is taller and slimmer than me,” but I never had thoughts like this that made me feel bad. My best friend is a lot slimmer than me, and I have a ton of pictures of us together, but I have never thought anything of it. It just is what it is.
I was SHOCKED that I had these thoughts, and really ashamed of myself. And ashamed that they were upsetting me. That is so so lame.
I thought about it more, and it kind of feels like making excuses, but I have such a different body type than the people in the picture. I am larger and more muscular. I will never bee teeny tiny. And I don’t want to be!
But why did I have these thoughts? Why now? This is really kind of bugging me.
Do you struggle with comparing your image to other people’s?
And what is even more stupid is that these ladies are so cool and supportive and not competitive or judgmental about weight at all. It’s such a great environment to be in. Before class, they were even telling me how nice I look. So what is my deal?! I hate that those thoughts were in my head.
Themocracy
first of all, look at your guns! Fantastic!
You do have a different body type, you have very strong legs..look at the muscles there too! And I would say if you were standing at a different angle (like a few of the others) you would have looked different. I also do not see a belly roll! I would say more a bit of a bulge..but that might be a food baby 😉
You look fabulous…as do your friends.
I struggle with this all the time. I also don’t know where it comes from. Before I started losing weight, I never really thought about food, weight or body image. I wore what fit and ate what tasted good. To a certain extent, I think losing weight has made me more insecure because I don’t know if I’ll ever get to my goal weight and I think people are looking at me more now than before. It’s a strange paradox, because I certainly don’t want to go back, either.
YES! This is exactly what I am feeling. Let’s help each other get away from this mentality!
You. Are. A. Powerhouse.
Skinny chicks are overrated. (Except the nice ones, like your bff :))
Keep rockin’
Thanks 🙂
You spent the entire class hearing us telling you how skinny you are looking – and you ARE – so your expectations of the photo were different, I think.
You look fantastic (even though you weren’t fishing for compliments 🙂 ) and I hope you don’t let one photo dissuade you from believing that!
And HOLY SHIT LOOK AT YOUR BICEPS!! I heart your arms 🙂
I’m with Bobbi. Before I even read what you had to say, I was like, “Holy crap, Kim’s lost some weight and her arms look FIERCE.” We’re always our worst critics!
We are. We are.
Thanks 🙂
You are too good to me. You are all to good to me! I was just so shocked to feel this way after seeing one photo.
Thank you for your nice words 🙂
And in the interst of full disclosure, when I saw the OTHER pic he posted of me you and Yvonne, all I could think of was, “oh thank GOD he cropped out my squishy belly!” You are not the only one who has these thoughts, my friend 🙂
I think you look fabulous in that pic Kim! I think if you look at the different ways that everyone’s legs are you will realize that you are the only one showing a complete profile of your (very muscular) leg, so it is difficult to compare. Think of how many miles those legs have ran and be proud that they are so strong. I think all four of the women in that picture are beautiful, but you are definitely a much different body type than any of them. They all seem a little more petite, and you are at least 2 or 3 inches taller, no? I am constanly comparing myself to other people and wishing this or that about my body, but at the end of the day no matter how good I think someone else looks, I am me!! And I have such an amazing family, fiance, and friends that I don’t care as much about having the perfect hair, teeth, stomach, etc.
You’re beautiful snis. <3 Inside and out.
Aww, thanks snis. I love you!!! 🙂
And you are so right about all the other amazing things – just being happy with family, friends, your significant other… happiness trumps all, imo! I think that is why I was never too upset about being heavier before… I was mostly happy 🙂
Why now? Well, the last few times you were down in weight were you surrounded by other people doing the same workouts or exercises you were? Maybe you’re subconsciously thinking “If I do all the same things they do, why don’t I look like them?” I’m guilty of that with other women in my running group. I think “I run just as much as they do. Why don’t my legs look like theirs?” Or, “I strength train way more often than them. How come they have more muscle definition than me?”
But I bet if I wasn’t surrounded by people who were also working out I wouldn’t even notice. It’s a weird conundrum.
P.S. I know I already told you via Gchat, but you are looking super strong!
The very first thing I noticed about that picture was your rock hard arm muscles.
But I know what you mean, I think most of the time I’m pretty easy on myself about my weight. Yes, I want to lose weight, but I don’t let it consume me. I think my reasoning for it is because I was too hard on myself in the past, and I don’t want to fall into that trap again.
Anyway, back to the point, I don’t so much compare myself to other people, even in pictures. I have a problem with comparing myself to myself. I will see old pictures of me on my horse in those skin tight riding pants and feel jealous that my legs used to look like that. Then I’ll see a picture of myself when I was heavier and feel good that I look so much better now. It’s a really weird feeling.
You look fantastic (especially your awesome biceps). I think I look similar in size to you and I feel the same way about my stomach so I know where you are coming from. I do compare myself occasionally to one of my friends (she isn’t a runner and doesn’t really work out other than being on her feet all day for work… I guess she’s just naturally thin) but I know we aren’t comparable so I should just stop.
I think for me part of the issue is I don’t realize how I look until I catch a glimpse in a mirror or in a photo. The image I have of me in my head is way better. 😉 I’m ok with that.
I look much better in my head too. Ha ha! At least we have self confidence! Or, self love?
I just read Leah’s response and I think I’m more like her in that I compare myself to my old self. And I think part of me comparing myself with my friend is because I used to be as thin as she is but I’m not anymore.
I compare myself way more than I should. It’s so easy to focus on our weaknesses (or what we percieve as our body weaknesses) instead of our strengths. I look at your arms and say “Wow!” because they look awesome and I’m readily aware that I can do about two real pushups. I think the sensitivity to my “problem areas” easily become a head game. And it is an easy game to play, bombarded with images of “beauty.” Away from the mirror or photo, this skin I’m in is pretty comfortable. You look fabulous btw.
Aww, thanks Riyanti!
We do all need to look at our strengths! We all have something to offer 🙂
I used to be really bad at comparing myself and beating myself up… but I’ve gotten a lot better at loving myself and seeing my own value, beauty, and strength. That being said, I definitely still have really ugly moments! Sorry you had to have one, too. And just to make sure you REALLY know it – you really do look fantastic, Kim. You’re an athlete, you’re kind, you’re generous, you’re fit and healthy, and you’re very pretty!
How did you get over that, Kim? This is the first time I have had one of these ugly moments and shook me up!
And thank you 🙂
First- your arms look AMAZING!!! You know how you posted the picture of Jillian’s arms (her right?) that you wanted- well, I will post YOUR picture!!! WOW!!!
I can relate to your thoughts because I have always compared myself to others… and I always find myself on the short end of the stick. (Like right now I’m like, wow, I wish my belly looked like Kim’s- and of course my arms!)
I am wondering if you are starting to compare yourself now because you are really trying to be more “strict”- you said instead of being so lax and just fluctuating- and you are making a conscious effort to better yourself. Plus, you are going to strength classes now and you are… how to say this, around people who are actively doing the same things you are, you know, you are all “exercising” together and being active together. When you lost weight in the past were you exercising with others or just dieting?
I know I do find myself comparing myself to others and I know it’s not healthy and that we’re not all built the same but I still do find myself comparing but I really am trying to focus on the good with me. I see baby muscles with me and you know what, I might not be a stick (and never will/can be) but this is what I have and I will do what I can do to make it the best body I can make it (although it seems to be going slow as hell)!
I think you look absolutely amazing!! You have been working hard and it shows!! And like Bobbi said, don’t let one photo dissuade you!!! Keep up the good work!!
Before I go, I want to echo what Kim @ girlevolving said: You’re an athlete, you’re kind, you’re generous, you’re fit and healthy, and you’re very pretty! (Oh, and you rock!!)
=^..^=
Please move in with me and be my cheerleader. You are too nice!!! 🙂
I think when I lost weight in the past, I did not know many people! It is only the last year that I have had so many irl friends, lol. So I just wasn’t around people who were amazingly fit.
I love that you and David are working so hard to get healthy! You are building muscle and getting healthy!
Um, I am packing up the cats and their toys and I am there (watch out Data)!!! We are moving in!!!
David and I are trying our best to do what we can do to get fit and be healthy!
Don’t get frustrated with yourself- you are doing an amazing job and I am proud of you.
=^..^=
I don’t think any woman is 100% content with her body. Maybe, but I haven’t met one. We all compare. I think a woman’s doing good if she mostly compares herself to herself (which it sounds like you’re doing).
I can tell I’ve matured a little since, say, junior high because I’ve stopped wishing for chicken legs and enormous boobs. Because, well, that’s just never going to happen. Instead, I strive for legs that are toned and slimmer than when they’re fatter. And I feel proud when I only have half of a 32A cup because I know it means I’m lean.
So don’t beat yourself up for not looking like everyone else! You’re healthy, strong and doing all the right things for your body! (And don’t beat yourself up when you slip and accidentally compare yourself to others. By tomorrow you’ll remember that you look great.)
I am wondering if you are going to be a 32A for long… 😉 Have you noticed any change?
Ha. You are so right. I was beating myself up and now beating myself up about beating myself up. Ha. Enough of this!
Funny you should ask… I am now wearing a 34B. My boobs are the biggest they have ever been in my entire life and I feel like they’re ENORMOUS! Ha!
Then I went shopping for nursing bras…apparently the smallest size a lot of them come in is 34C. Looks like I’m still the girl with little boobs. Oh well!
Oh geez! 34C! That is too funny!
I think everyone else who has commented has said this – but the first thing I noticed was your incredible arm muscles! Damn, girl! The angle that the photo is taken from isn’t all that flattering, so I think that might be influencing a few of the things you thought of as well. I think you look great 🙂
I do the comparison thing all the time. I compare to myself, to what I think I should look like, what I think other people think I should look like, etc… but I have an issue with never being ‘good enough.’ Couple that with lots of early in life negative body messages and well, I’m kinda doomed 😛 It is what it is, and I’m trying to be better about it.
Honestly, I think this could have just been a passing thought. If it’s not something you think of again, just let it got as a fluke and no more worries to be had. Worrying about it now may only serve to make it’s influence over you more severe. Everyone has random passing thoughts, and let this be one of them 🙂
Totally making this a passing random thought 🙂
You aren’t doomed! Have you gotten any better with feeling like you aren’t good enough? You are!!! I am so impressed you got your professional license! And you work and travel and workout and have friends… you do so much!
And thank you 🙂
Yep, like everyone else, I first noticed your amazing guns. Nice!
I suspect you feel like this because you have been making an effort to lose weight, eat healthier, etc. Personally that’s exactly when I get more critical of myself…I expect my hard work to show sooner than later.
You are so blessed to have such an amazing bunch of friends!
Hoo boy do I compare myself! I am trying so hard to accept my body for what it is and appreciate it in its current form but I am always prone to the negative, prone to criticizing imperfections. I’m too short/round/fat/flabby/pale- you name it. I bet most women have things they would like to change about themselves. We really need to be kinder to ourselves, don’t we?
The first thing I noticed when I saw that photo was your smile and your guns. 🙂
ryc – Sparkle skirt is found here…I am in lust http://www.team-sparkle.com/
I think this is very natural. It probably caught you off guard since you do have a good body image and actually like your body. You are unusual in that you survived adolescence and still liked your body. So many females are taught by their life experiences that they are inferior because they are too short, too tall, too fat, too curvy, etc. The bad news is that the older you get, the more this is noticeable. It starts with “Do I look older than ________”. I just say relax and continue to love yourself. The body is quite a magnificent creation as all runners know. Appreciate it!
You’re always a cutie pie but you have been looking super gorgeous lately. I’m proud of you for getting a handle on the food thing.
As for comparing my image to other people’s… I plead the fifth!
Sorry, I have no advice for you. I’m way too critical of myself and always have been. Can’t help myself.
But as for YOU, YOU look GREAT! And WHOA! Check out the gun show!!!! You have some KILLER arms!!!!
Thank you. 🙂 I bet if I saw a picture of you I would be saying something similar about a body feature of yours 🙂 We need our girlfriends to build us back up! 🙂
I do this too. When I’m around my friends, I tend to feel like I am closer to them in size than I am, and then I see a picture. We also only tend to see a very narrow range of sizes in media images, so I think it’s harder to accept that people naturally come in a range of body types. You do look good here and it seems like you are doing the right things to get in even better shape.
Such a good point – people come in a range of types. So so so true. Even between me and my sister, I know that we have such different body types. Thanks for this smart reminder!
Hi There—This is Brian (kim’s Trainer) and I occasionally see her blog and this is one time that I would like to comment about her status. Kim has gotten so many positive compliments from many people in regards to her shape. She is extremely athletic and I always have her compete with guys because of her strength and all around energy. She is looking extremely fit and the only issues were with the camera (that I used to take the picture) and a bad angle. That is my fault and I will have to invest in a better camera for future reference. Keep up the good work Kim!
Brian, thanks for your super sweet comment and compliments 🙂 I hope you don’t think I am turning in to a whiny baby! I guess I still have some image issues to work out 🙂
As you know, I definitely can relate to how you are feeling. When I start to feel like this, or compare my body to others I think about what it’s done for me. Like run 2 freaking marathons! So my marathon friend, just remember that your body is strong and amazing, and just keep on keeping on. You are working hard!!! Keep up the great work! And thank you for your sweet advice in that email to me the other day regarding this same topic!
I think no matter what shape our bodies are in, we as women always see the bad stuff and compare to others. I always see my hips and my saddle bags. I hate them and would rather be without them.
You look really great in the photos – I can tell that you have been working hard to lose weight because you look leaner and stronger!! (I see those biceps!) Keep up the good work!