The only one who does not have confidence in you, is you!
I’ve been given a lot of challenging tasks at work lately outside of my comfort zone. Mostly leadership and training roles. This is good for me.
But it makes me so, so, so very anxious.
I’ve been a ball of stress lately. Getting ready to lead (okay, not even lead, facilitate) a training. Trying to prepare to run meetings. Brainstorming, trying to be creative.
All of this time, I’ve been thinking, “What is my problem?! I am so confident in every other aspect of my life! What is it about these roles that are making me so nervous?
It’s that I’m outside of my comfort zone. It’s that it’s a change for me. It’s that while I may be outgoing and confident overall, I am more of a follower, than a leader.
Yesterday was the day of this training I had to run. I really prepped hard for it. Right before class, I was setting up with my helper (favorite coworker) and the head training coordinator was there. I was saying how nervous I was for class and how happy I was to have the training coordinator’s help in preparing. She said how organized and together I am, and favorite coworker said that too. I was kind of like “But I am so nervous!” (or something), and the training coordinator said – “The only one who does not have confidence in Kim, is Kim.”
Wow, that is so true. That’s what it is. All of these things have been tasked to me and I keep thinking “Why do they think I can do all of these things?”
I’m still struggling with the confidence, but I am going to keep this in mind:
If you only work on what you’re good at, you may get good. But if you work on what you’re not good at, and make that good too, you can become great. – credit to Men’s Health, February issue.
Britt has been encouraging me to keep inspiring messages around the house, and this is the first one I put up this week. I actually read it in an article from the February issue of Men’s Health. The article was about physical ability, but I think it applies to all aspects of life. Get outside of your comfort zone and improve on the things that don’t come naturally to you!
In what areas of your life is your confidence not the strongest?
Themocracy
I think I would be the same as you as far as facilitating training or running meetings (depending on who is attending the meetings). My biggest confidence issue usually comes from work related presentations. I have done a few and I always suck it up and get through them but each one makes me nervous. I am now to a point that I don’t feel nervous just being asked to do one though and that is huge for me.
That IS huge! I know what you mean, just getting worked up when you get asked! I was talking to our trainer coordinator and she said she still gets nervous to run classes! I was like “Great – there is no hope for me!” 😛
That is a good quote. I have many areas I need to improve on.
My sister once said to me, “you shouldn’t try to step outside of your comfort zone… you should try to expand your comfort zone. If you step outside your comfort zone it allows you to ‘step back inside’ whereas if you expand your comfort zone you can’t ‘step back’ ”
I get nervous when I try new things. Like the bread making. I wasn’t confident with that at all. Even as I read this bread book it scares the crap out of me.
That is a really good way of thinking of it! Our comfort zone can constantly expand. Maybe that should have been a New Year’s resolution.
But you are tackling the bread! That really inspires me. Because bread scares me too.
A quote I have up in my office is “Don’t let the thought of being overwhelmed overwhelm you.”
Ooo… that is a really good one. Yeah. I need to work on that 😉
Dealing with my new husband…
Is that your answer to what you are not confident with? 🙂
I’ve definitely been pushed out of my comfort zone at work the past few years, taking on new roles and responsibilities. Currently, I’m on this one committee (my school just LOVES committees) where I feel like a kid sitting at the adult table. I just have a hard time seeing myself as a put-together, strong leader. BUT, I do feel that it is so good for me to force myself to take on these roles. And, this sounds sort of overly confident but it’s true, I also know that I’ve been (and am) very good at what I’ve taken on.
I think that with time, we learn to see ourselves in a new role, but it is also SO good for our brains (seriously – it engages new parts of our brain) and our sense of self.
So, good for you!
I think I should try some visualization or something. Even just dresser nicer makes me feel “the part.”
You made a wonderful discovery about yourself! Eventually you will become more and more confident and your comfort zone will expand!
Being a leader when you really just want to follow is hard! I sympathize. But that quote you found is really good. It’s one I need to remember. Maybe I’ll put it on my desk at work.
Great advice! It’s tough to step into a leader role! I am not confident in my accomplishments. Even though I may do something great, or get a great grade, or whatever, I always first attribute it to someone or something else who “must” have somehow made that happen for me. Like, I only got an A because the teacher gave me the wrong grade; or, they’re saying I did a good job because I was so awful they feel bad for me. 🙁 I’m working on it though!
Good for you, Kim! I hope you become an even more successful trainer and leader – I know you will!
I hate to hear that you have been a ball of stress lately but I am excited for you and your new responsibilities! And, you know, work would not have given you these tasks if they didn’t think you could handle them! The head training coordinator is a wise person!!! I really like both of those quotes!!! I also really like the quote that Jana (Running Vegetarian) left too!! I really like inspiring quotes!!
So, looking back after the training session how do you feel it went and how do you feel you did?? (I personally think you rocked it- I mean, how could you not- you rock!!)
=^..^=
So true, Courtney! I totally agree! Remember: KIM KAN!
Kim – I am so proud of you! I can only imagine how far you will go once you focus on your confidence!
Gina- I love it!!! KIM KAN!!!!! Too clever you are!!!
=^..^=
Thanks for all your support Gina. You are too good to me. Please move to Chicago? 🙂
Well, the training session was a bust! Only three people showed up (I was expecting 30). So I had to alter the session at the last minute, then this guy started saying really weird stuff and I didn’t know how to handle it! LOL. Luckily, one of the other attendees helped 🙂
But I think you are right – they must think I can do this stuff if they give it to me!
i actually have to force myself to focus on what i am good at as a reminder that I can achieve and conquer all kinds of things. it is definitely good to push the limits
I am always afraid to try new things – I like being in my comfort zone especially at work. I know i need to step out and be challenged but its tough.
love that you did this! my confidence totally lacks in my social abilities, and i’ve been trying to work on them lately.
but your coworkers are so right, girl you are amazing and can do anything. no one knows you’re outside your comfort zone but you, so just go in there and own it.
I can relate. I’m generally pretty comfortable speaking in front of groups. But every Monday I have to give a 5 minute update on some stuff in a large group meeting and I always get super nervous. I don’t know why and it drives me crazy!
Gah, so true! My mom always tells me I don’t give myself enough credit. I am extremely bad in social situations, staying very quiet because I don’t think people will like me. This often comes across as me being angry or that I don’t like people, which is often not the case at all and I really hate that that’s how I am. I’m just too nervous to be myself and it takes a really long time for me to warm up to someone.
Congrats on running the training session, sounds like your coworkers think you’re the woman for the job!
I have led a lot of trainings, facilitated large group discussions, and run many meetings. It’s a skill like any other. If you are actually doing facilitation (leading groups in problem solving) rather than training, I highly, highly, highly recommend The Facilitator Excellence Handbook http://www.amazon.com/Facilitator-Excellence-Handbook-Creatively-Productively/dp/0787938882/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_5 which is very practical.
Another thing to consider is that leaders have all different styles… you can lead quietly by designing a constructive meeting and supporting the work of the people in the meeting without having to be “on stage” all the time.
Congrats on the new responsibilities!
Thank you! I hope that is the only time I had to try to facilitate… I should read that book since it was a bust. Do you have any recommendations for books on leadership?
Oh, I’m sorry to that. Facilitation is hard!
Hmmmn. What aspect of leadership? Like managing people or influencing things in your organization or what?
I don’t blame it all on me. One of the attendees went off on something that had nothing to do with my class and I did not know what to say! I was trying to comprehend how what he was saying related (it did not).
I guess what I am looking for is how to be authoritative, run meetings, keep people on schedule in meetings, hmm… seems I am most uncomfortable in meetings (giving trainings).
Yeah, if someone goes off topic it can be a little tricky to bring them back without shutting them down. I think you have to acknowledge that what they said is important but suggest that it might be a better topic for a different conversation.
For stuff like that, I would definitely recommend the book I provided a link to, and maybe also The Skilled Facilitator by Roger Schwarz. They are both focused more on formal facilitation of group discussion rather than meetings, but they will give you some skills for getting people to contribute, getting people to hold their thoughts while someone else finishes talking, and probably on how to deal with someone who goes off topic. Did you have an agenda for the meeting? That is also a really helpful tool for keeping people on track because it’s neutral… you can just point to it and say “We’ve got to move on. We only allotted 20 minutes for this topic in the agenda.” 🙂
I trained under some great facilitation trainers in my field, and the professional trainers are so amazing in how they can almost play a group like an orchestra conductor!
Oh, my gosh! I love that because how true it is. During my review, my boss kept saying how HE knows I have a lot to offer our company and he knows I have the confidence & ideas they want. So, in essence, he said the same thing. The only person who doesn’t have confidence in Steph… is Steph.