Are phone calls an imposition?
I am reading this awesome book – MWF seeking BFF* – about author Rachel Bertsche’s quest to find a new best friend. She’s moved from NYC to Chicago to be with her boyfriend (and eventual husband) and while she has best friends back in NYC, she has none in Chicago. So she goes on 52 friend-dates in one year, to see if she can find a new BFF.
So far, I am loving the book. It’s the perfect combination of her date recaps and research on friendship. I have taken a ton of notes and I am only halfway through the book! It’s given me a lot to think about!
Anyway, I am at a point in the book where Bertsche is talking about how she’s been making new friends, but communicating mainly via email or Facebook – she hardly has anyone’s phone numbers. Then she talks about how she stays in touch via phone with her out of town friends, but when she sees a local friend’s number show up on her caller ID, she wonders what is wrong. She says, “Phone calls feel like impositions of the neighborly pop-in variety” – and she does not want to be the friend “that prompts a ‘why is she calling me?’ “
Data is waiting for someone to call… in the bathroom though? Eww! P.S. While searching my blog for a phone pic, I found this old post where I asked people how they prefer to communicate with their friends. Yes, I write the same things over and over. And it is interesting how things have changed since I wrote that.
I had to write about this, because I am the same way. There are certain people I talk to on the phone, and I have set up ring tones for them. When I hear my phone’s regular ring tone, I am like “Who the hell is calling me?” And I get anxious. I don’t want to talk to someone I am not used to talking to. That’s awful!
I do mainly stay in touch with my friends via email, gchat, texting and sometimes video chat. I called Erin a lot in 2010, because I was going through some rough stuff, but we are more likely to chat in person or email.
I’ve been trying to call people more this year. I called a bridesmaid of mine in the beginning of January and the phone rang once, she picked up, then hung up. I hope that was not on purpose (because it made me feel awful). I am going to try calling again in a few weeks.
Do you have any friends you talk to on the phone on a regular basis?
Do you ever feel like it’s an imposition when someone calls you?
I feel like it’s hard to find time to have a good, long phone call on weeknights. I am much more likely to call and have a long chat on the weekends.
*This link is to the blog about the book – check it out! Lots of interesting posts!
Themocracy
that sounds like a great book, I will have to check it out!. nope I do not have any friends who I really talk with on the phone much at all. Sometimes I feel like I am being annoying so I end up just not calling.
It is really interesting so far, and a light read 🙂
I feel like I annoy my BF Erin when I call her because it’s usually to have her play therapist 😉
I have check-ins with my mom regularly, and I can talk to my sweetie for a long time. But that’s about it. I always thought it was just because I am on the phone with people all day long and need a break when I get home. However it seems more common than not–I don’t know why that is. I guess everybody has super busy schedules and it’s just easier to communicate electronically when it is convenient.
I very, very, very rarely talk on the phone anymore. Sometimes I think I forget that little device I carry with me everywhere for texting, web browsing, email checking, calculating, picture taking, price comparing, and angry birds playing is even capable of making calls!
LOL! I don’t think my husband uses his iPhone to make calls at all (he has another phone that he uses as well).
That sounds like a very interesting book. I was recently feeling lonely one night..and realized the only person I could call and talk to was my Mom. I can’t even call my brothers without feeling like I am annoying.
I was talking to a male train friend the other night and they have a ritual when the group of friends go out to eat. They all put all phones/blackberries in the middle of the table. The first to grab pays for everyone’s meal, otherwise they all split it. It is amazing to me now how we communicate.
The book is good! You should check it out!
That phone idea is very funny – and a good one 🙂
I was going to call you and tell you how we finally broke into that box of diapers that you gave us. But, I guess I shouldn’t call. 😉
I’m not a big fan of talking on the phone anymore. I think it’s annoying that I have to call my mom – she doesn’t text.
I think it’s just a change…not necessarily good or bad. It’s just how we, as humans, communicate now.
Jen! You can always call me. If you ever have the time! LOL 🙂 Or text too 🙂
My wife read that book. Not sure how she liked it (she belongs to a reading/book club with some friends) but she did say it was a different read.
As for friends I talk to on the phone, I’m not much of a phone guy lately. I have tons of mins on my cell phone plan and rarely use them. I do have a couple of friends that I call every so often to catch up with and talk tech.
I think working in a call center killed me for wanting to be on the phone endlessly. Though I talk to one of my bf’s almost daily. One of my other bf’s we used to talk daily but have found it easier with our kids to text. One of my other bf’s hates texting but wants to always talk late at night like when I’ve been asleep for awhile. So it runs all over the gamete.
I talk on the phone less and less, too. My best friend lives in another state, and I should make more of an effort to call her more. These days I am more likely to be on the computer and she has to call me, which is not fair.
Back in the day I would often have long phone conversations with friends or family. Now, I consider phone calls an imposition. I don’t make them and don’t want to receive them either. The other day my cell phone rang and I jumped. It scared the heck out of me because I mainly use it for texts and e-mails.
text and email – i hate the phone. i spend a LOT of time on the phone for work, so i prefer not to use it outside of work. also, most of the people i know i tend to see on a regular basis, so having long conversations on the phone is not necessary. anything that we need to communicate outside of our face-to-face time is generally quick and can be more quickly discussed via text anyways.
I tend to avoid phone calls, although I wonder if it’s not for good. I don’t love making calls (I also spend a lot of time on the phone for work), so I wonder if I let some of my long distance friendships languish more because I “don’t feel like” spending time on the phone.
I mostly don’t talk on my phone. I do occasionally talk to my bff from high school that lives in FL now but not too often. I have never been a huge fan of talking on the phone. I’d rather catch up whenever I see people in person or via text/email.
Oh man, I can totally relate. Not many people call me besides my mom and my husband. I definitely have the, “Why is this person calling?” reaction to someone outside the norm. And I tend to text before I call most casual friends.
I remember in high school being SO excited to get a phone in my room. My friend and I would talk FOREVER. It was awesome. Now, though? I’d rather not talk on the phone. Sure, I’ll talk to family and a couple of friends, but honestly I’d rather get together and chat.
This is an interesting topic. I’ve wondered myself if calling or being called is an imposition. Now that I’ve moved away from friends and family I know I would love to hear a familiar voice but have a hard time getting up the nerves to just randomly call someone. Where before when I lived there I would just call someone if I needed something. Now I just want to talk…and most people seem busy and don’t have an hour to talk on the phone.
When I was single, I was on the phone all the time. My best friend (who lives a couple miles away) and I would call each other during every commercial break of certain shows that we both watched. I’d go so far to say I wasted time on the phone.
And then I got married and had a kid. That having a kid part really put a damper in my availability. These days? I talk on the phone to out of town friends and family only. And I’ll also pick up the phone if I have plans with someone local and need to check in last minute.
We barely talk on the phone which is a shame because sometimes I just wanna hear your voice, but then we have Skype and I can see and hear you! So….I don’t know where I am going with this. Wanna go out on a friend date?
LOL. You can totally call me anytime you want! Oh, and I think I am back to zero texts today. 🙂
Friend date in NYC?!
I used to talk on the phone all the time but something changed when I went to college. Maybe it was because Instant Messenger was cheaper? Maybe because when Jason got a “real” job I couldn’t call him as much so that broke me of the habit? Not sure. Right now the only person I talk to on the phone, really, is my mom. In fact, we were texting last night and I finally just picked up the phone and called her because it was easier!
I can barely even get my mom to chat with me! I am more likely to have a long convo with my grandmas.
(Intersting side note – I wrote this post while you were texting me Stunday morning! Of course, I did not have my phone with me and didn’t even know! I just thought that was ironic.)