The bad communicator
Actions speak louder than words.
For years I have been saying to my family “I don’t expect you to read my blog to keep up with my life.” And I thought that was true, but I realize this weekend that I was not acting out what I was saying. I was thinking things like “Well, I don’t need to tell them about how we cut down our own tree this year, because they probably saw it on my blog,” and “I bet they already know all about our November trip to NYC.” I found myself not saying things, because I assumed they already knew, from seeing it on my blog.
This is so stupid.
First of all, some of my family does not read my blog at all, so why was I acting this way around them? And secondly, for the people who do read my blog, shouldn’t I want to give them the full account of whatever it is I was writing about? I mentioned it casually on this blog post, but our online identities are not always 100% true to who we are! I try to be as honest and open as I can, but of course, I filter out really private stuff that would be inappropriate to discuss here. Anyway, I hope to get more in to that in another post! Back on track…
It’s funny to me to be thinking this, because I started this blog when I was moving to Rome with the sole intention of keeping in touch with people while overseas. But, I’m in the states now. I can call, email, and Skype with people. I do email and chat with my sister online, and call my mom every now and then, and sometimes my Grandma, but I really need to get better at this. I make such an effort to stay in touch with my good friends, why don’t I do it as much with family?
And I am not just saying stay in touch about what is going on with me, I am mostly thinking what is going on with them! Most of my family still lives in our hometown area and they see each other quite often, and more or less know what is going on in each other’s lives. Being out in Chicagoland, I think there is a tendency to forget to keep me in the loop (which is totally understandable), and I need to make an effort to stay involved.
So, I am going to try to call home more. Skype. Email. Whatever works.
So family – just leave a comment letting me know if you want me to contact you more often.
Just kidding!
Have you ever thought of your blog as a tool for keeping in touch with family and friends? Are there people you solely keep in touch with, besides other bloggers, via your blog?
The funny thing is, I drafted this post up Sunday morning, before I even left Iowa (and my family). So on Sunday morning when we were hanging out, I made sure not to pass on sharing something* that I had already shared on my blog. But then I found that I had to tell myself not to ask if they saw pictures on my blog, saw it on my blog, etc. Ha ha. That will be a hard habit to break!
*I am such an oversharer – you would think that would never be a problem.
Themocracy
What I love about blogs is that you can say as little, or as much as you want..it’s YOUR blog..:)
I overshare too. I haven’t told my family about my blog. But if they would check out my dailymile, they would be able to find the link 🙂
It seems like your blog has changed into something very different from a tool to communicate with family, so maybe it’s best not to think of it as a substitute for that. But it does take some effort, and I think I probably call IRL friends less with problems now that I can hash them out on the blog, which is probably not good. I don’t use my blog to keep in touch with family or friends… only a few friends have read it. Most of my friends aren’t bloggers and are busy with work/kids so probably wouldn’t keep up with me there anyway.
That is an interesting idea – are we turning to our blogs in times of trouble instead of irl friends? For me it’s good to write things out and sort out my feelings, but I have to be careful that I am still telling people in my life (like my husband!) what is going on with me!
None of my family even knows about my blog, so I’ve never used it as a way to keep in touch. But I’m really glad I live so close to my family because I know I’d have a hard time keeping up to date with everything going on. Granted, my family is pretty close and so everyone knows everyone’s business within five minutes of it happening, but I still don’t think I’d be able to stay in the loop the same way.
None of my family knows about my blog and I’ve mentioned it in passing to a few friends but nobody has read it to my knowledge. I have one person who reads my blog that I know IRL but I haven’t seen her in ages (though we’re trying to run a race together it just hasn’t worked out).
I know a few people who use my blog(s) to keep up with my life now that I live slightly further away. But, I, too, am guilty of thinking “well, if they just read my blog they’d know!” Sometimes my mom deliberately doesn’t read my running blog because she wants to talk to me about it first which I think is a good strategy. But at least she tells me in advance so I don’t think she’s already read all about something.
I started my blog specifically for sharing information with my family, but it morphed into something else entirely and then became what it is now (when my server is actually working, which it isn’t at present). Unfortunately, I don’t quite know what it is now, the result of which is that I rarely feel like something fits. This is why it mostly sits idle. Oh, well.
I think about this a lot. I started my blog almost 7 years ago (I think?) to keep in touch with family/friends far and wide. What happened is I met a whole slew of people and made a bunch of friends (awesome) but many of my close people don’t keep up on my blog. I sometimes think all these ways to stay in touch electronically actually end up keeping us more separate. I’m making a more valiant effort to connect via face-to-face time and phone conversations. I’ve relied on email and texting and people reading my blog/twitter stream/facebook updates and it just doesn’t cut it!
Along with your idea of technology keeping us more separate, I think it gives us a false sense of closeness sometimes too. You cannot replace face-to-face time with Skype or even the phone! Those are helpful tools but we need to see the expression on people’s faces. Well, imo. I guess Skype comes close. But it’s better to be there, with them!
i actually wish my parents would stop reading because now I have a lot less reason to call them!
Only a VERY select few people who know me in real life know about the blog. I guess I am less self conscious about it because I don’t think people who know me read my blog too often.
That’s funny–I recently had a couple people tell me they were going to hang out on Facebook less because they wanted to hear people’s stories face to face instead of reading little blurbs here and there.
And conversely I get annoyed when my friends (who I talk to and hang around with anyway) don’t know what’s going on with me because they haven’t been reading my Facebook posts (which I recognize is silly on my part).
I think Julie is right though, it seems like the focus of your blog has changed so it’s probably normal to rethink how your communication relates to it.
Ahh, Facebook! I would rather hear the full story too… but I would also like to see SOME of the story so I can ask about the full story. I feel like I am so confused every time I get on Facebook now. The settings on how much you see from people really changed!
We live in another state so we never know anything. I often feel left out because friends/family won’t invite me to baby/bridal showers. Even if I can’t attend I still want to send a gift! It makes me sad.
The only good thing about being out of the loop is being kept out of the drama!
I could write a whole post on your last statement. But I won’t. And that is one way I censor my blog. Ha ha.
Bon tardi! I can so relate to this post. I originally started my blog online via LiveJournal to share about Life after Cancer. Since that time, it shifted to writing about my battles with my weight. Now I write more about Faith, Running & whatever pops into my head.
I love Shelley’s comment because it’s true. You can write as much as little as you’d like. I don’t often share my blog site because it never fails…I mention it and then I don’t write. I write often and chingos and I just don’t share my blog. That’s Life, eh? Now I use my blog as a way to remember Life before and after Running became a part of every day living. Running doesn’t come easy for me…but the joys I’ve gained from running are priceless so I just do it.
Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to future posts. Cheers***
With the exception of my daughter and my wife, I really don’t care about other family members that read my blog. In the last 12 months, I started aggregating my blog posts to my Facebook feed, where most of my family is online. I rarely get any comments from family there, which means they leave my uncensored blog alone. Unless they are reading it and not telling me.
For keeping in touch with family, it’s cards, letters and emails and Facebook messages.
Since I’ve moved my blog has become a huge way of communicating to my family. Since my dad doesn’t do Facebook he misses out on a lot of randomness that happens with me. But he always goes to the blog for the most updated stuff. I like knowing that even if I can’t talk to my family every day they will still know kind of what I’m up to. I just wish they all had blogs for me to keep up with them!!