- I feel so tired and worthless lately. I’m not getting enough sleep, and I have to be “go go go” all the time because once I sit down, I am going to fall asleep. I cannot concentrate on reading anything (Can any of you? Please share your tips!). I can’t concentrate, period. I didn’t want to get out of my pajamas to go to work this morning.
- Speaking of that, I do love my one-on-one time with Data when I am getting ready in the morning. He does this thing where he gets up on the bathroom counter (photo above), and stands up so I will pick him up and hold him (otherwise, he will jump up on me). Aww.
- I am so grateful I have a family, friends and especially, a husband, that I can be 100% myself around. Because adjusting your attitude to co-align with someone else’s, even if just for the day, is so exhausting. And it makes you feel worthless.
- I have a friend who thinks that all bloggers are self-centered narcissists. Obviously, she does not know I have a blog, and I haven’t had a discussion with her to explain how, yes, bloggers are usually self-centered to an extent, but a lot of blogging is about the community and friends you make! Anyway, I can see why my friend thinks that, because she has a cousin who write a completely awful, miserable blog, that really is self-centered, narcissistic, and just plain bitchy. Sometimes my friend shares her cousin’s posts with me. They are hard to read, because of how infuriated they make me feel. One of the latest ones was about how she is “allowing” her husband to run the Chicago Marathon, even though it’s their one-year anniversary weekend (who knows if they will make it that long) but that she is NOT going to be selfless forever, and he better not expect that (it’s supposed to be a “feminist” blog, but, yeah, not going to get in to it). Long story short, WHOA she is psycho, and WOW that made me realize how lucky I am to have Steven as my spouse. He totally supports my running and commitment to other forms of exercise. Last night, he even made dinner while I did yoga! I sure am lucky. And surprised at how many spouses don’t support one another.
- When Erin was visiting this weekend, I told her how Steven and I might be going to lunch or dinner with Ben (the guy I met at the Snowshoe 5K) and his wife this Saturday. I told Erin that I am trying to make an effort to make more friends this year. Then I felt like a loser for saying that, and told her I was trying to make more friends since she is my only friend (update: only friend that I spend time with). Then I felt even more like a loser, and that I was insulting her too! Then I said something about how I would spend all of my time with her if I could (which is true) and just, yeah. I am not good with words (as you know). Sorry, Erin. What I wanted to ask was, is it lame that I am making a conscious effort to make friends? You know, at the running club, maybe going to this lunch? I really like spending time with people (when I am in the mood, ha), but I wonder if I am going about it wrong.
- What are your random Wednesday thoughts?
Themocracy
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time, Kim. I think everyone has those ups and downs. Hang in there. I don’t think it’s lame that you’re trying to make new friends…it takes a long time to build up good friendships.
Interesting about the ideas some people have about blogging. I have read blogs like the one you mentioned and they don’t appeal to me, I guess everyone has different reasons for blogging and I am sure there is an audience for every kind of blog…but I enjoy reading what you write and hearing about your life, and if someone doesn’t, then they don’t have to read it, right?
Thanks for your support Amy! And that is exactly why I don’t read that other blog. Ha!
I hate when I can’t be myself. Though I will admit that I’m my whole honest self only in front of Scott right now. I’m starting to be more open about my personality with others but it’s still guarded just a bit. I’ve been burned so many times by others that I have a wall up.
I don’t think it’s lame that you want to make more friends. This is my goal for this year as well! I’m thankful that twitter has introduced me to so many people that I can chat with and grab a dinner or drinks with. It sounds dumb but holy crap it’s hard to meet people! Plus that whole awkward, “Hey wanna do something?” is like asking someone out. LOL I get it!
Oh and P.S. Um, that friend’s cousin is full on craZy with a capital Z! I know a few people who’s SO’s have never been to a race of theirs and I think that’s sad. I’m very thankful Scott is not that way, he’s so supportive! I couldn’t imagine being with someone who isn’t. Why do that to yourself and be miserable?
Okay I’m done rambling!
We used to know a couple where they belittled each other’s exercising. It was really bizarre… they pretty much hated each other!
That blog sounds delishly bad. One of those where you can’t stop reading because it’s so wrong…
Sure, we have a little narcissm. But who doesn’t? Everyone looks for an outlet to celebrate their accomplishments (no matter how big or small). Your friend just hasn’t fallen across the right blogs…
I completely agree, Amy B! A guilty pleasure for sure!
She totally hasn’t. I should recommend some to her 😉
Joey mentioned to me the other day that he’s so glad he can be 100% himself when he’s with me because when he’s at work (or around people he’s not close with) he acts different and he can feel it and it’s draining. I’m glad for that too. 🙂 I feel the same way.
I don’t think that’s a lame way to make friends! I’ve been thinking about expanding my friends a little, especially to include couples! I am friends with a girl I ride the train with and hope to get together with her at some point (and she has a husband!) and a couple who live in the next building over who have a super cute dog. I know these people and talk to them when I see them, but haven’t gone out or hung out with them otherwise. I must make that happen!
That blog girl sounds crazy! And it sounds a little like that article you mentioned the other day about exercise widows. How difficult is it to be supportive of a spouse? Especially when it’s something healthy! Geesh.
The thing is, she mentioned that article in her post and said that “Marathons can lead to divorce.” Yikes! She just needs to grow up.
I hope you do get together with the train girl and your neighbor!
Sniff. I’m your friend. But I hear what you are saying.
And bullet no. 1 – I feel the same way every damn day. I hope your NY trip will shake things up a bit!
Aww, Gina! I hope I didn’t upset you! I meant “in-person” friend. You know if we lived close I would be bugging you all the time.
And I think NYC will help! Just the fact that I won’t have poopy-pants (Data, not Steven) waking me up every day!
That is the most adorable picture EVER.
And totally not crazy to make an effort to make more friends. It’s easy post-college to get isolated in our little world, I think. Just become you, your husband, your world. I think it’s a GREAT idea to always want to be pursuing new friendships!
Thanks 🙂
Yeah, I have been in that little isolated world for a few years. I like it, but we’ve realized we have fun when we see other people too!
You poor thing! I think you need to concentrate for a few days on getting some good solid sleep. There is no way to feel cheerful and energized if you are so sleep-deprived.
LOVE the picture of you and Data. One of my favorites. Frankie does something similar, where he stands up and rubs his cheeks against my (expensive) glasses.
I think it’s very healthy and commendable that you are making an effort to make some new friends. (I’m sure Erin understands that you are just supplementing her; she’s obviously a terrific friend). Once we get out of college, it really can take some effort. One of my closest friends was a co-worker who invited me for a cup of coffee out of the blue. Now we are really really good friends. If she hadn’t done that, I would have missed out on a great relationship. Also I think you could probably make more friends quite easily, but your commute and your running schedule don’t leave you a lot of time for socializing. Plus you have all of your virtual friends… don’t forget us!
I am hoping I can sleep in during my upcoming trip to NYC! Because I know it is not going to happen this weekend. 🙁
And don’t worry – I love all of my virutal friends! Love your posts, comments, emails… 🙂 Seeing them is one of my fave parts of the day!
I completely get what you’re saying about the friend thing. And I don’t think you’re going about it the wrong way at all! I have a tendency to get in my little rut with my family and some close friends, but I need to put myself out there more, too! I definitely think getting involved in a running club or with some type of group is the best way. I have made SO many friends through my spin classes at the gym, and even found a running buddy!!!
Ooo, I am excited you found a running buddy! You must tell us more!!!
You should definitely be getting out there and meeting new people and making other friends! I’m totally get it! I’ve never been a person who has a gazillion friends. I prefer one or two super close friends (like you!) but it’s always nice to have a diverse group of friends, too. I don’t think there is one “right” way to make friends. Of course, I’m really bad at it, too, so I’m probably not the person to ask!
I’m sorry you’re feeling so down right now. I didn’t want to get up and go to work this morning, either. My work projects aren’t exciting me and I’m finding it hard to concentrate as well. Maybe those snow days gave us a glimpse of life outside of the office and we want it back!
The funny thing is, some other commenters have mentioned “quality” vs. “quantity” of friends. And I get what they are saying. But I am not close at all to have too many friends! And right now, I cannot imagine doing things other than running with the club, but I consider those people my friends (or close to it). And, I don’t know. Sigh. I would rather have one really good/awesome friend like I do (you!), than a bunch of sort-of friends.
Yeah. Working from home last week… that was life. I am dragging 🙁
It’s harder to make lasting friends as we get older. It takes 2x the effort it did when we were in our teens/20s (are you still in your 20s? yes, I think so, oops!). I think it’s healthy to be socially active but with a good balance of partner and alone time.
I do not agree with your friend about bloggers. That’s a stereotype that so many of us don’t embody. Sure, we write about our lives but we also connect with other people and find friendships and support in unlikely places. People who say that usually have read boring, negative, bad blogs (like your friend) and haven’t experienced how community can be built by what we share.
I think that blog is the only one she reads, so I can see why she would think that! I wish I could share with her some of my faves, but I would be revealing myself!
Kim-
This year I made a coinscience effort to have BETTER friends. It is one thing to surround yourself with a lot of people…which I have always done…but another to have actual lasting friendships. As I have gotten older, I have learned less is more. I think eventually you will see that too.
Just because I don’t know you IRL, doesn’t mean we aren’t friends. If you ever did want to talk, I am only a phone call or text away. Or email. Or whatever. 🙂
I recently made a list of things I love about myself and I find that when I am down, reading it again helps!
Keep your chin up Kim 🙂
Right now, I only have one close friend and a few acquantances, so I am trying to just find friends… before I determine if we have a quality relationships. And I do consider you to be my friend! I love all my blogger friends 🙂
I have been trying to meet new people this year- it is hard and I don’t want to discount the friends I already have but I do try to hang out with them and make new friends. Its tough though. I feel like I don’t have very many close friends and I wish I had more, I wish I had people to hang out with on the weekends.
Data is so cute. I love having one on one time with my dog. Whenever I pick her up from my parents house after work, as soon as we get home she just sits by the door and waits for her cuddle time. She will not move until I hug her and pat her for at least a minute. I think its so sweet.
Also, I have no friends either. I totally understand why you would want to put in an effort to make more.
I am kind of laughing about the thought of bloggers being narcissistic (I think I spelled that wrong, sorry!) because I have never in my life had such a supportive caring community of people here for me when I need it. I guess blogging can be all about yourself, but the ones I read are people who care about others and kind of meet lots of friends though it and support each other.
I am also laughing about your update on the only friend thing. I know what you mean, you two have a special bond and are in similar places in your lives but you’d also like to meet other people like that so there are more people to spend time with too.
I was thinking about the friend thing the other day because at school, I am only taking one class, am so much older than everyone else so I don’t feel like I have any friends at school. I have people I talk to now, but not a ton. I don’t expect to necessarily make friends at school since I am hardly there and not really in the same place in life as most of them, but it would be nice to have more people to talk to and hang out with. I don’t really go very many places without my kids, so I don’t really get a lot of time to make new friends. Most of my friends have little kids, and are so busy all the time. I can’t complain because I am busy all the time too but I guess I wish it would be easier to make connections with people as an adult. When I was younger it was so easy and making friends as an adult takes so much effort!
I think making friends at school is so hard! Even when I was in college, and the same age as my classmates, I could never relate to them!
Friendships do take a lot of effort. It’s usually worth it though! 🙂
This weather is doing none of us a bit of good, imo. Every time I talk to my mom she says I sound grouchy and not like myself. I don’t feel grouchy, but I DO feel easily annoyed and I squarely place it on the lack of sunshine in my life.
re: friends…remember when I thought my friend Heather would move away and I was scrambling to make new friends to “replace” her? I’ve discovered that you can add friends, but quality still wins over quantity. I made some new friends last year, but only Heather is Heather. When/if she moves away, our friendship will just change. Anyway, I think the running group will help you out. 🙂
I should be better about contacting you for lunch and stuff. I just always figure you’ll be exercising during lunch, and I usually like to take a short lunch so I can get out of here early. But now that I have a membership to the Art Institute, we should take advantage of it!
I do usually exercise (or have meetings, wah) during lunch, but we should get together!
(1) cute kitty! i love my kitty lovin’ in the morning too.
(2) i feel a bit narcissistic just writing about myself, but i make an effort to try and make folks laugh…. so that’s not a bad thing, right? blogs: facebook for long-winded people. really, it’s no different.
(3) sorry u feel crummy. i have to learn to shut my mind off to get to sleep some nights. i think it’s a female thing. worry worry go go go….
I think blogs are a reflection of who you are. So a bitchy blog would be written by a …well you know.
Totally not lame to make an effort to find more friends!
Ha ha! Your comment made me laugh, Marcia.
I FEEL narcissistic writing about my life and my problems, and that’s why I don’t out my blog to people I know in real life, but I keep blogging because of the connections I’ve made. I love the community.
This time of year makes me grumpy. This cold makes me grumpy. All this frickin snow makes me grumpy. Add no sleep to that, and I’d be a recipe for disaster…I hope you can get some good sleep soon!
I joined GRC and now I am SO NERVOUS. I was poking around on connect, and everyone’s race times are LIGHT YEARS ahead of me. 🙁 My insecurity is totally rearing it’s ugly head, huh? But at the same time, I’m excited too. Mostly about the friends part – it’s tought to meet people as you get older. I have my core group of great friends and then school friends (other kids’ parents). It so tough, so I think it’s cool that you gave yourself that as a goal…
Don’t worry about the GRC! Seriously, look at the paces people sign up for the runs at. You will find people to run with! And I will join you for the short run on Sat (at the end of my long run).
I think people writing about their problems makes them more real, and we like them even better, rather than thinking they are narcissistic.
I’m excited to see you Saturday – it should be fun! And as weird as it sounds, I’m excited about long runs again. I’ve really missed having a training plan…
Ha! Craving long runs never sounds weird to me! That is why I try to include them as often as I can.
Looking forward to Sat! Did you see we are doing a pic at 8:45?
I am back. I forgot to comment on the blog comment. 100% honest here…I agree. That is right. I agree. But only to an extent. I do think there are bloggers out there for all the wrong reasona- selfish and mean bloggers. I am actually working on a really dedicated post right now that is taking a long time because I want to convey it well, that has to do with how some bloggers truly take the fun out of what it is supposed to be. From an outsider perspective, some just don’t understsnd how amazing blogging and the blog world is when it is done right. You are not a selfish blogger at all- most aren’t- but that isn’t to say that she is completely off either.
I know my opinion isn’t the popular one. It rarely is. But I thought I would share.
Ooo, I can’t wait to read your posts! Your posts are always so good and spot on with what I am thinking!
I see a lot of blogs that are like that – you can tell they are just in it for them. That is probably how they are irl!
I’m certainly in the “not getting enough sleep” category.
I think your feelings are totally understandable. This winter is really hard on me, and I’ve had a hard time concentrating lately too! And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making a conscious effort to make friends. I think that all relationships (romantic or platonic!) take some conscious effort, but we’re supposed to think that they are effortless.
I can think of a few narcissistic bloggers… [I’ll go ahead and raise my hand for that one too…]
Girlllll…I wish we lived closer. I am constantly on a search to find more friends but it’s hard to step out there. I’m not the type of like social situations so I wish there was some sort of friendship sight like match.com, except for finding friends! I think there’s a market for it. 😉
Also, I am so picky with the blogs I read! I know everything can’t be sunshine and roses, but a blog with only negativity? I can’t follow them!
I wish we lived closer too 🙂
Another blogger linked to meetup.com – have you heard of that? I had a friend who used it 🙂
Yeah, I try to ditch the negative blogs. Well, the ones that are all negative, all the time!
That’s a great photo of you and Data cat. You seem to always have some good, classic-looking photos… do you use some sort of filter?
Regarding working at making friends, that is not abnormal at all. I understand completely. If you’re trying to break out of your comfort zone (its comfy for a reason), your going to work at it. Some people are more “few, close friends” and it is more challenging to develop newer relationships.
Thanks! I actually took that photo with my phone then just messed with the exposure and saturation in picnik 🙂 I do like to edit using Photoshop when I am at home (I edited that on my netbook on the train).
That is exactly it – leaving my comfort zone. I guess it feels challenging in a good way!
Do you have the winter blues at all? It’s a real thing!
Making friends is SO hard! You would think it would be easy to make friends living in a city of eight million people, but I have no clue how people do it. If it wasn’t for blogland or twitter, I’m not sure what I would have done. I’ve met people at running groups, but I don’t usually do things with them outside of that. A lot of people who have a fair amount of friends here usually know them from college or something, not necessarily the “adult” world. I keep meaning to try things like meetup.com (check it out!), but I’m also scared of/bad at social situations, so I don’t like the awkwardness. I tried showing up at Bears bars in the city to attempt to make friends, but that was a major fail. Could you make new friends with Steven? If you know at least one person, it’s usually a little easier. My mom always tells me that people like when someone asks them to do something, but most people are too scared to go outside their comfort zone to risk asking someone to do something….and it’s so true.
I’m not sure I actually said anything helpful, but I know what it’s like to try to meet new people….still working on that!
You know, I don’t feel like I have the winter blues, but I wonder if the lack of sunlight is getting me down.
Don’t worry, your comment was helpful! Especially knowing that you can relate in another big city! I love the time with my new running friends, but am not sure if I will do too much with them outside of running (although Steven did help the club prez with her surround sound). And I think you are right – people like to be asked to do something! I just need to keep doing that. And you too? Have you met any cool peeps at work?
I think your Mom is right! One of my closest girlfriends is my friend because she invited me for coffee. I would never have done it myself and I’m so glad she did.
PS: Love the picture of you and Data cuddling. That is so super sweet.
Aww, thanks! 🙂
1) Making friends after college is really tough. I completely get where you are coming from. Huge props to you for putting yourself out there!
2) OMG, where is this blog? This chick has a lot to learn about marriage and treating people well. Feminism doesn’t mean bull-dozing your husband and doing only what you want to do. Gag. My anniversary is always during Wimbledon and my tennis nut of a hubby gets up to watch it live (at 6 a.m.) every year. Big whoop. I make breakfast and we watch it together. It’s called compromise.
Stepping off my soapbox now.
Ha! Love your comment. Especially #2! Yeah, that is what I wanted to say to this girl that I don’t even know. Compromise. Communication. Trust. GROW UP! Sigh 😉
I completely relate to you on the making friends thing… and on a lot of other points as well. I must say, you and Data are way too cute though!!!
=^..^=
Thanks!!! 😀
Aw Kim I’m sorry you’re having a rough patch. I am right there with ya with the tiredness and not wanting to come into work. haha. Data is so cute with you! My parents are out of town so their cat has decided that I am its new mommy. Today she sat at my head at 5 AM pawing me (ie, feed me!). Cats really are hilarious.
As for that blog post, wow. People really are nuts! I think that some bloggers can be narcissitic (if they are I don’t read their blog) but I think for the most part we do it for the reasons you said- the sense of community and support!
Aww, sounds like our kitties have the same mindset! Data always wakes me up early. I miss him when I travel but look forward to sleeping in 🙂
I have the same thoughts about some bloggers, and the worst blogs are the ones that belong to self-centered narcissists. I also have a family member with one of ‘those’ blogs and I feel like I have to read it because I’m family, but I really dislike her ranting and being crass and talking ad nauseum about herself and how everything relates to her. Not only is it annoying, it’s SO boring when you can’t even relate enough to care what the person is talking about. But your friend is wrong about lumping everyone together like that, tons and tons of blogs, including yours, are about sharing and community and friends and sharing your life, but not being self-centered at all.
I have the same problem making friends, I want to meet people like me, but I’m not super social and I don’t go ‘out for drinks’ and other trendy city things…I don’t want trendy city friends! So far I’ve lived in Toronto for 3 years and I literally do not have a single friend that lives here that I could just call up to hang out. So fear not, there are other people that have just as hard a time making friends.
Hope you get some sleep and get out of what sounds like a winter funk.
That is part of the reason my friend is so annoyed – it’s her cousin’s blog and she wants to be a part of her life but she is just so awful! And she can’t relate. I wish I could send her a list of blogs she should check and out would love 🙂
Thanks for your nice compliment about my blog 🙂
I am not in to trendy city things either. Like drinking and staying out? Nah! Have you not met any Toronto bloggers? It would be hard to be there without friends. Is that not where are from?
I’ve been having trouble convincing myself to workout lately, but that will be a blog post today or tomorrow. As for reading, I was trying to finish a book that I really was enjoying but just couldn’t focus on. So I did the “man thing” and holed myself up in the bathroom until it was done. Worked beautifully.
Okay, it’s Thursday, not Wednesday, but I wanted to respond!
First of all, it sounds like you need a break from all of the busy-ness and rushing around. Can you give yourself the rest that you need while still fulfilling obligations?
As for the friend issue – I totally hear you on that. I have friends from work and a few people that I know who live close by, but it is HARD to make friends when one is an adult. I think that initially joining a running club or doing meet-ups may feel forced, but the hope is that you’ll connect to people on a different level and make friends. Personally, I think that you are brave and open and honest about the social issue.
Also, I enjoy your blog very much, so keep at it!
I kind of have a break day planned – the day after President’s Day! I plan on taking it off to sleep in and relax. And hopefully Data will let me 🙂
Thank you for your nice compliments! I guess I do feel like a dork because I feel like I am forcing things, but maybe that is what it takes?
There are so many different area’s of your life where you make friends. Like when you are a couple/married you usually gravitate towards other couples. Then you start having kids and then it’s that group you gravitate. It is harder as all adults because most people are set in their ways as they age so it’s hard to find open people.
And the narcissistic blogging thing. Yeah my sister said I was an attention whore for writing my blog. Yup.
Wow. I cannot believe your sister said that. There are definitely attention whore bloggers… you are not one of them!
That’s so cool that you’re going to dinner with the guy from the race! I’m absolutely love my friends, but I’m usually too lazy to build new friendships. Or shy. Or both. In any event, I think what you’re doing is cool.
I know this all too well and have for the last 17 months of my life.
As most regular visitors to my blog have most likely noticed, my videos (which I love to make) have been few and far between. I’ve let so many other things in my life distract me from the things I love and want to do. Not a day goes by that this issue doesn’t consume me in very mild to super extreme ways.
I think the solution (for anyone that experiences this kind of mood and mindset) is to push all of the negative aside and focus on what makes you happy. I know your running is a central point of greatness in your life and from your regular blog posts, it’s obvious to any of your readers that you take great pride and enjoyment in your physical activity.
Pushing away any distraction that takes you away from what you want to do is the key to getting past this time. I’ve been working to make efforts here, and I can say that even though it’s not the easiest thing to do, it’s what needs to happen to get my past all of this grey period to more productive times.
OK, first, can you send me the link to the miserable blog? I need to read that stuff for myself! I think you should have a talk with your friend because she needs someone to help her understand that so many bloggers are great people simply looking to connect with other people.
I don’t think it’s lame to make a conscious effort to make friends. It’s difficult to make new friends as an adult — especially when you don’t have children — and it takes a concerted effort to do so. I struggle with the same thing. BTW, I think you are awesome and when you put yourself around new people, I would think lots of others would want to be your friend. And I would love it if we saw each other more often! You are a lot of fun to be around. 🙂