Needy
Confession – lately I have been feeling a really deep need to feel, well, needed. Included. Wanted.
Not accepted – it’s different than that. I want to feel like people want me in their company. Like people want to spend time with me.
And it’s not that anybody is making me feel the opposite of this! I have just felt so needy!
I’m not one to have a low self esteem. And I am not one to be very social. But something about right now is just making me feel that way.
I see blogs posts of people attending wonderful holiday parties with their close friends, and I sometimes I think “I wish I had a wonderful holiday party to attend with close friends.”
Maybe it’s the multitude – maybe it’s that I wish I had a group of “close friends”? Maybe it’s that I wish I belonged to a “group,” period? Why do I feel this way? I’ve never been one to fit in with a group. And I am not sure if I do well with group dynamics. Or with people dynamics.
I say all this, yet I have friends I make plans with… and know that if I had a full social calendar right now, I would be stressed out about THAT.
I just hate the feeling of being unsure. Unsure if I am a good friend, or an annoying friend. Unsure if I am fun to be around, or a downer. And I have to admit, I have been a downer. I haven’t been the happiest camper these last few months. And that may be what is making me feel this way.
Maybe this spam comment I got was good advice:
Thanks Kenguru! I think the first part of your comment is good advice (the rest doesn’t make sense).
Have you ever felt needy in the way I am describing?
I wonder if this is just a holiday-related feeling. Maybe I am just feeling a need to be around lots of people because it’s the holiday season. That is kind of what I am used to – spending Christmas day with family going from one celebration to the next, seeing so many people you have to talk over one another, laughing so hard you cry (or pee your pants), eating too much, making new inside jokes, goofing around, feeling exhausted at the end of the day, yet making plans for the next because you had so much fun…
I miss the grass. And daylight.
That came out of no where, I know. Just saying.
Who else thinks going back to therapy might be a good idea for me? Thanks for reading my crazy babble!
Themocracy
I need you! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 Your posts always give me a lift.
I think it’s perfectly normal to want to feel part of a group at the holidays, even if much of the year you can fill your needs alone, or with Steven and Data, or your family. And it is okay to be a downer sometimes, especially if there’s something going on in your life that’s challenging.
Come to Texas and I will hang out with you! Please don’t pee in your pants, though.
Aww, thank you! You are such a sweetie.
I will bring a diaper, I promise! Ha.
I have really been struggling with a lot of emotions lately. And I just don’t feel like I can share them on the blog, and I need to quit dumping on my friends! I just want to go back to mostly-happy-Kim!
Also I am one of the 20% that are “glad that they at you are!”
Dude, your spam is so much better than my spam.
PS: want to buy some penis pills?
Ha! I have had plenty of offers for that too. Thanks Chad 😉
I wish we could be real-life friends! You have such a wonderful, fun personality – and I love reading your true variety of posts.
I often wish I had a close group of girlfriends.
I have noticed that I am pretty blah lately – full of negative energy. I’m not sure why, but I also wonder if it’s the holidays.
Love and cheer to you, Kim!
Aww, thank you Sarah. I wish we could be real-life friends too. Especially so you could help me with my yoga. Ha!
Do you normally feel this way during the holidays? Are you feeling down about your grandpa?
1. Chad’s response is great.
2. I get a similar feeling often. “Do people really like me? Why aren’t I doing things? Where are all of my friends? Do I even have friends?” but then I realize I like some of my time by myself too, and eh, basically everything that you described.
3. I haven’t done it myself, but I’d say that therapy can’t hurt. You’ve had a lot happen these last few months, and it’d be a safe place to work through all of it – making it a double win. You get to work through your feelings, and you don’t have the added guilt of feeling like you’re dumping them on other people who don’t ‘deserve’ it.
Why do we feel that way? Especially you Lauren! I like you and I bet I know a few other people who do too. Ha. You could say the same to me.
I love that a good therapist can make you look at a situation differently. I have a friend who does that too, but yeah, the guilt!
I feel like this and not just at Christmas. Sometimes I wish I had more close friends, but I just don’t and its always really been like that. I have one close girl friend and some nice guy friends but its not like I have a bunch of friends that I hang out with each week.
Me too. Never a group of friends. Not even growing up. Are we loners? 🙂
I need you too!! I love your posts – you tell it just like it really is. I am often jealous of those women surrounded by a great tribe of friends. I have great friends, but we’re all so busy and all so spread out (most of them are an hour away from me) that we don’t see each other nearly as often as I’d like…
I think this time of year (read: holidays) plus NO SUN ANYWHERE plus seasonal sickness plus lack of exercise due to all of the above equal me always feeling out of sorts this time of year….
Aww, thanks Bobbi! That is one of the annoying things about Chicagoland – your closest friends can be an hour away. And it sucks. Why can’t it be like Sex in the City?! 😛
I feel like this sometimes as well. I’m one of those poeple that don’t have tons of friends, but the ones I have I’m really close too. It doesn’t help that my closest friends live a couple states away and that I’ve been so busy with school.
It’s so hard to keep in touch with friends that live so far away. I was somewhat close with a few girlfriends in college, and we just haven’t kept in touch. Shame on me (us?)!
Kim….I swear, I think we could be sisters! I’m the same way…I look at holiday parties and think, “I wish I could go to a fun holiday party”. But then, I realize it would stress me out! I feel like I should go and part of me wants to get together with friends but part of me thinks it would create too much stress. I have a few friends but ever since I got married, I haven’t been seeing them as much. Plus, some of them started to bug me a little. Saying that makes me feel like a big jerk but it’s the truth…
We should get together over the holidays and have a stress-free gathering. 🙂
I think we are long lost sisters!
The ironic thing is that I am skipping the company holiday party this year. I don’t feel like being social with a bunch of people I don’t know, I want that “fun holiday party” where I know people. Ha. I need to create that.
I think we should get together!
I think it’s that time of year, when the urge to cuddle up to someone (or multiple someones) you love is so strong. Personally, I’d rather have one or two really awesome people in my life than a huge group of friends who I don’t feel strongly about.
I feel EXACTLY like this a lot. Well, okay, most of the time. And I don’t think that your missing the grass and daylight is so random… it’s not all that unusual to feel down in the dumps when the weather is so gray and dreary and sucky!
<3 <3
i’ve been feeling like that a lot. since my hubs and i go out to eat a lot we see many groups of friends and i always wish I had a group to go to brunch/out to eat with. i love to throw parties but have no one to come to my party all my friends moved away! so sad…
I definitely relate to this feeling, on occasion, especially when I’ve actually just been WITH really good friends (we have tons of friends and family in other parts of the US, and sometimes I wonder why we aren’t there). There is a sense of melancholy and longing… For me, it’s not about a group, but it is about knowing that I have a good variety of friends and family, people on whom I can count. Not that I don’t have that, but I think that people are much more dispersed these days, they come and go, and it is hard to keep up. Sometimes, when I follow other blogs, I do have pangs of envy, so I REALLY appreciate your honesty here.
I feel like that after I leave from visiting friends too. You have such a great time you really start to yearn for that! But we’re all so spread out, like you said.
I feel like this too sometimes – I think it’s the double edged sword of being not so social. Usually it’s okay but sometimes – especially during the holidays when it seems like everyone else is going to fabulous parties – we feel like we are missing out on something. Hang in there, Kim!
I totally feel the same way. I feel like people like me, I have friends, but none that are the super close to talk to all the time and do fun things with all the time. The closest I have to that is you actually. I am always so busy with kids, doctors, etc. that I can’t seem to find the time to do anything else and when I can I just want to sit down and knit and not have to talk to anyone. That is funny because often I am really wanting company and feel like everyone else is already out having fun while I am alone.
I totally understand feeling like this. I think the cure is for us to get together more often? And maybe for it to also be spring because sun always helps me and it sounds like that is the case for you too.
I DO think we should get together more often. We just have to make the time, right? I know that during the winter, I don’t want to leave the house. But I have really wanted to go ice skating, or snow shoeing or sledding, and those are things we could do together and the kids could come 🙂
Move. To. NY. We would have so much fun. Let’s be neighbors, haha. Actually, let’s move some place warm.
i have very much the same feelings and i do attribute it to me not having a close group of friends that lives nearby me. it’s tough!
Aw, Kim, I need you!
I haven’t had a group of close girl-friends in years (since college, really). At least, not the type that I can call up and say “let’s go to brunch” or “come over and have wine”. But then I realize that I do like having my alone time and my own routine. It’s just that when that gets old it’s a downer not to be able to try something different.
P.S. I’m not saying I don’t have individual friends, just that I don’t have a group of them Sex and the City style.
Thanks 🙂
I’ve always thought it would be fun to be part of a close-knit group like that! I never have been. I’ve always been kind of the one-on-one type.
The fact that we live so far apart really effin’ sucks. Big time.
I vote for you and Gina to move to Texas!!!! It’s warm(er) here!!!! I totally understand how you are feeling. I just want you to know that I think you are a most wonderful fantastic friend and I want to be around you!!!
=^..^=
Thanks! I think you have the right idea with all three of us being somewhere warm, TOGETHER!!!
I’ve had a lot of blog girl friends telling me lately how jealous they are of my gaggle of girlfriends. I think there’s something about this season that makes you wonder about where you fit in the world and whether or not you’re who you are supposed to be. I don’t know. But I do know that there have been some significant changes in your life in the last couple years – loss, marriage, jobs, etc. Give yourself a break and maybe feel that hurt a little bit before you move on.
Around the holidays, I always wish I had a boyfriend. It feels lame, but it is really true. It never bothers me to be single, not even on Valentines Day…but it downright hurts at Christmas.
I see I’m late to this party, but I completely understand how you feel. My boyfriend gets that way fairly often too. The darkness and lack of grass definitely doesn’t help!!
Late comment but I have been feeling EXACTLY the same way as you! I’ve been feeling lonely and wish I had more close, reliable friends! But I’m also kind of intimidated of fitting in with a group, particularly a group of women. (I really don’t share a lot in common with many women)
All you can do is be grateful for the people you have right now and try to meet new ones! (Though forming new adult friendships can be tough!)
I feel like I say the following a LOT, but, “I DEFINITELY know where you’re coming from!” Mine has more so to do with being single this time of year…I LOVE my family more than anything, but can’t help but get a little sad when my sisters break off to go to their in-laws. And friends, too. I think it’s absolutely normal this time of year, though….I mean, look at the “favorite” movies about the holidays – “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Christmas Vacation,” “White Christmas,”….all of those people have people around them all the time and have so much fun. I think it’s normal to want what’s in the movies!
On a serious note, if you can go back to your therapist, I totally would! I went to mine yesterday and seriously, I feel like he gave me an IV of happy drugs (which, he didn’t – but he has that affect on me). “-)
Kim, you are very needed!
Yet, I can understand the sentiment. It is the wanting t be acknowledge that can be overpowering. It is not something that can easily be defined and yet we have all been there.
Good luck and we all need you here!
This was a great post. I’m like you……I honestly don’t have a SUPER close group of friends here in town that I could rely on. Because I travel for work, a lot of my friends are spread across the country.
Maybe we need to have a virtual party over skype?
That sounds fun! Can you do that? I have skype but have never used it.
I know exactly what you mean…in fact. I haven’t really posted about it (yet?) at all but it looks like I’ll be heading to some sort of counseling/therapy come January. I’m just really having a hard time with all of the crap that happened in 2010 and resistant to change and moving on. Good luck!
Kim, believe me when I say it, you are a great friend! Not to mention, tons of fun to be around. But I do understand what you’re saying — I feel the same way. Sometimes I wish I was part of a close group of friends, but when I’m honest with myself, I know I need a lot of space and me time. I’m not comfortable when I have to be social all the time. Maybe your so-called neediness is also a result of not living close to your immediate family? I know, especially at this time of year, that I would have a lot more functions to attend and things to do if I still lived back home in Connecticut near my mom and her family.
Aww, thank you Kate! That means a lot to me.
Aw. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I think we’ve all been there. I look forward to your posts and would love to meet and hang out with you. 🙂 Too bad I live so far away!