Comments (34)

By kilax, February 11, 2010 2:51 pm

I’ve been in Iowa since late Monday afternoon now. My grandfather’s wake was Monday afternoon, and the funeral was on Tuesday. Originally, I had two presentations to give at work on Monday, and was going to leave Monday after work, and miss the wake. But when I was walking to work Monday morning, I thought “What is wrong with me?!” How could I choose to miss my grandfather’s wake? For work? I am still upset that I missed my uncle’s funeral, because I was living in Rome. Surely, I couldn’t let two presentations and 5 hours of driving keep me away.

So I talked to my boss, who was very cool about it, and took off. We just beat an awful winter storm and made it to Iowa as the wake was beginning.

But that is not the point of this post.

It’s Thursday. I have been here since Monday and I have been feeling somewhat useless and restless. I am not sure how I am supposed to act, or what I am supposed to say. I am not sure how to be comforting.

I feel very out of sorts.

But I did feel better this morning when Steven and I were able to do something useful – help my grandma make a spreadsheet to keep track of the flowers and money she received.

I guess that is why they say that keeping yourself busy helps deal with grief. The fact that we were actually doing something productive made me feel much better about being here. I kind of just felt… “not needed” before.

Comments (60)

By kilax, February 10, 2010 5:50 am

Sometimes, no matter what you do, you feel like it is never enough.

It’s not enough to…

• eat quaker oats for breakfast, it should be steel cut oats
• use pre-milled flaxseed, you should mill it yourself
• drink enough water to stay hydrated, you should be drinking filtered water
• make your own homemade wheat thins, if they still have sugar in them
• try to limit your sugar intake, if you are still eating regular sugar
• try to eat a healthy diet, you should also be fasting
• sprout your own beans, if you aren’t sprouting the right ones
• eat produce, if it’s not organic

(No, this isn’t about other bloggers.)

I do what I can. I am not perfect or trying to pretend I am. I eat processed foods. I struggle with overeating. I think I ate 20 oreos when I got to Iowa on Monday. I am pretty sure I will be eating my way through this sadness over my grandpa’s death.

But with all of that being said… I don’t feel bad about who I am. I am trying. I am trying to live a healthy lifestyle. It’s a bumpy journey. It’s even bumpier when you try to share it with people* who only want to tell you what you should be doing differently.

It’s funny. I am around people who don’t think about this stuff at all (they don’t exercise or watch what they eat) but I am the one getting all of these “suggestions.” Why talk to me? Why not talk to someone who is not doing ANYTHING?

And the thing is, if someone lectures me for a long time, basically telling me how to live my life, I’m not really going to buy into anything they are saying if they can’t back it up. I’m not. So, a tip – know what the hell you are talking about.

So what if I like cock soup?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
(Just kidding… it has chicken fat in it)

*Not everyone reacts the way I am describing, obviously.

Comments (32)

By kilax, February 9, 2010 5:09 am

You may recall that I don’t have a very good history with yoga – I have struggled with balance and breathing (and especially those downward dogs!) every time I have tried yoga in the past. BUT, they say it is SO GOOD for runners, so I keep wanting to try it!

I was really excited when ExerciseTV offered to send me three YogaWorks DVDs (Beginners AM/PM, Body Slim and Fit Abs) to review! ExerciseTV and YogaWorks have partnered and offer these workouts free online and OnDemand (available through Time Warner, Bresnan or Comcast). I didn’t realize it until well after I received these, but we have OnDemand at home, and sure enough, these workouts are on there! I highly encourage you to check them out. Steven and I tried them all (a few times) and loved them! If you don’t have OnDemand, you can get to them through exercisetv.tv.

We preferred Beginners AM/PM for relaxation, Body Slim for an invigorating workout, and Fit Abs for stretching. Each DVD has an instructor (a different one for each DVD) with a few students, including one “beginner” student who does modified, easier versions of the poses for beginners.

I think Beginners AM/PM is the best DVD to start with, then move on to Fit Abs, then Body Slim. Read below to hear more about each!

Do you do yoga? Do you prefer studio classes or DVDs?

Continue reading 'YogaWorks DVDs Review'»

Comments (24)

By kilax, February 8, 2010 4:43 am

Ever wonder what to do with all of those vegetable scraps?

Broccoli, carrot and celery scraps.

Make your own homemade broth!

This is something Steven and I had been talking about doing for a long time. We use a lot of broth, and one can of Swanson Vegetable Broth is about 79¢*. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but believe me, when you cook as much as we do, it adds up!

So long Swanson! I never really liked your “Natural Flavoring” anyway!

We finally got a kick in the butt and started making it when Morgan posted “Make Your Own Broth” (Thank you, Morgan!!!). Steven made some the same day and we loved using it. It had great flavor, and of course, I felt so much better knowing what was in it.

I thought I would document it this time, so you can see how easy it is!

Ingredients:

• Whatever veggies you like – we used scraps of broccoli, cauliflower, carrot, celery, and tomato (well, technically a fruit)
• 1 big onion – whatever kind of onion you want
• 4-6 garlic cloves, smashed
• Whatever spice you like – we used pepper, sweet basil, thyme, parsley flakes, and a couple of bay leaves
• Salt
• Water – a big pot, 2/3 full (about 1 gallon)

I know the ingredients are pretty vague, but really, you can just put in what you like.

Directions:

1. Fill the pot of water up 2/3 full and turn heat on to high. Clean your veggie scraps, chop them up a bit and throw them in, along with the chopped up onion and smashed garlic cloves.



How much water we started off with.



Rinsed and cleaned veggie scraps.



Chopped Red Onion.



Smashed Garlic.

2. Add your spices and salt. Stir it up and bring it to a boil.







So pretty and smells so good!

3. Simmer for 3 hours, stirring occasionally. Really, you can simmer it for however long you want – the longer you do, the stronger the broth will be. We simmered it until the water was reduced by half. Taste it every once in awhile to see if it needs more salt.



4. Let the broth cool (until it stops steaming).
5. Strain the broth out (see photo below – set your colander in a large bowl). Smoosh the veggies with a spatula to get extra the extra broth out. Throw away the veggies.



Strain out the broth…



… smoosh the rest of the broth out!


6. Put it in storage containers (we ended up with 8 cups, so we used two 2-cup containers and one 4-cup container) and store it in your fridge! We also put some in the freezer to use later (we are gone this week).

This is so easy! You just leave it on the stove and let it go. The only requirement is that you have to be around the house for a few hours.

Do you use a lot of vegetable (or meat) broth when you cook? What dishes do you use it in? Would you ever make your own broth?

Since I am talking about food (again, what is this?!) I thought I would show you these cute measuring spoons my Aunt Sue gave Steven – a Smidgen, Pinch and Dash!

*It’s virtually free to cook it at home, since we have the veggie scraps. We just don’t know how much it costs to run the burner!

Comments (23)

By kilax, February 7, 2010 1:02 pm

Thank you so much for your kind words about my Grandpa. It really makes me feel better! It feels weird posting this Training recap, but I already had it written out, as well as a few other posts for the week, so what the hell…

Day 106 | February 1, 2010: 6 m run + strength

I think this is the first time I’ve run and done strength in the same day. Every move was about 1.5 times as hard because my body was already tired. And it didn’t help that my face felt hot all day. How weird is that? My cheeks were red all day and I just felt uncomfortable… luckily that went away by Tuesday.

I was thinking about doing a tempo run, or maybe some intervals, since I have a 5K on 2/28…. but didn’t have anything planned out. Any speed tips for me before my 5K? Can you recommend some workouts?

Distance: 6.0 | Time: 58:27 | 1: 10:11 | 2: 10:00 | 3: 9:50 | 4: 9:41 | 5: 9:31 | 6: 9:14

Biangular Lat Row: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 65 lb, 15 @ 65 lb
Lateral Raise: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb
Lat Pulldowns: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Pectoral Fly: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Arm Curl: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb
Seated Leg Press: 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 90 lb
Leg Extension: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 45 lb
Leg Curl: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 40 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Hip Abduction: 3 x 15 @ 115 lb
Hip Adduction: 3 x 15 @ 55 lb
V Bar Pushdowns: 3 x15 @ 30 lb

Day 107 | February 2, 2010: cross + yoga

I used the bike during lunch and did the YogaWorks Body Slim DVD with Steven after dinner. Not doing THAT again! I had a major food baby in my stomach and kind of felt like I was going to hurl.

But… my NEW yoga mat kept me smiling…

Can you tell what is on the mat? Let me show you a close-up:

Yes, cheetahs!

What does Data think?

I am sort of a goober, I know. I was super excited to use my new mat and not slip during the warrior poses. However, my hands got a bit sweaty and slippery when doing downward dog and plank. Is this normal? Steven said it happened to him the day before (on his new mat!) but that he was less sweaty the next day. Maybe I was just extra sweaty Tuesday night.

Bike Time: 30:00 | Distance: 5.79 (Set on “Ozark Trails”)

Day 108 | February 3, 2010: 7 m run + yoga

Lucky me… I got to work at home Wednesday because of a special work exercise! I took full advantage of the opportunity to do midday yoga with Steven. We did the YogaWorks Beginners DVD and it felt so much easier than Body Slim! No slippage either.

Do your wrists ever hurt when you are doing yoga? Mine didn’t so much on Wednesday, but sometimes, they ache just a bit.

I also got to fit in outdoor evening run because I didn’t have to commute! It was a great 7 miler…

1. I got to run in the daylight!





Our town home is in the far right in the background

2. And listen to the new Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone podcast. There was a call-out to Jen! How cool!
3. It was a warm 26°F
4. I didn’t fall



I avoided spots like THIS ONE!

5. I didn’t have to poo!



6. I was done by 5:40 pm!

except…

1. Jack, the Garmin, kept beeping every 5 seconds to tell me to turn (couldn’t figure out how to turn off GPS)
2. My water bottle spilled onto my jacket and pants and made a big frozen spot on my thigh



That is what my water bottle did to my pants… nice.

3. Said water bottle had a cap that tasted like soap. YUMMY.
4. I kept feeling like I had to cough something up, but nothing would come out. Does that ever happen to you? Damn you boca chicken salad!

Now, if only I could fit in 45 minutes of yoga and a long run every day! Wouldn’t that be great?!

Distance: 7.0 | Time: 1:06:27 | 1: 9:50 | 2: 9:48 | 3: 9:44 | 4: 9:38 | 5: 9:24 | 6: 9:00 | 7: 8:59

Day 109 | February 4, 2010: strength + yoga

I did a strength workout during lunch at the office gym, and the YogaWorks Core Body Flow (part of the Fit Abs DVD) with Steven when I got home. I was worried it would even harder than the Slim Fit DVD, but I found it a bit easier, and that it really helped me feel stretched out. I’ll do a full review when I review the YogaWorks series sent to me!

Biangular Lat Row: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 65 lb, 15 @ 65 lb
Lateral Raise: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb
Biangular Chest Press: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 50 lb, 15 @ 50 lb
Shoulder Press: 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Lat Pulldowns: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Pectoral Fly: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Seated Leg Press: 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 90 lb
Leg Extension: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 45 lb
Leg Curl: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 40 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Hip Abduction: 3 x 15 @ 115 lb
Hip Adduction: 3 x 15 @ 55 lb
V Bar Pushdowns: 3 x15 @ 30 lb

Day 110 | February 5, 2010: consulting w/PT + cross

I met with one of the personal trainers (PT) at the office gym on Friday and I am SO HAPPY I did! The PT is also a runner, and I could tell she has a lot of knowledge to share with me. I gave her my exercise history, my current exercise routine, and told her about my shin stress fracture. She watched me run on the treadmill to study my form, then helped me develop the routine below, which I will go through twice on a normal gym day (we just reviewed it, I didn’t do all the moves on Friday). Her method is to start working out the big muscle groups, the move to the small ones at the end of the routine. She incorporated a lot of balance moves, to help with my shin (and overall balance), and also some speed moves, sort of to help with my running speed/burst of energy. She wants to meet again next week (which will probably have to be pushed back until I come home from Iowa) to give me some advice on my running form (yay!) then I am to follow this routine for about a month, until we tweak it again.

Kim’s New Routine x2

Step Ups w/Dumbbells: 20 ea. leg @ 10 lbs (ea. hand)
Smith Squats: 15 @ 40 lbs, explode up
Isolated Lunge with Hammer Curls: 30 sec ea. leg @ 5 lbs, fast paced
Crunch Fly (on exercise ball): 20 @ 5 lbs
Bosu Lunge n’ Jump: 20 ea. leg
Bosu Push Ups: 15
Bosu 1,2s: 30 sec
Rotator Cuffs (lie on back): 20 @ 3 lbs (ea. hand)
Calf Raises w/Triceps: 25 @ 20 lbs

Notice, no more weight machines? She wants me to stick to this. I was nervous about doing any free weight work, since I am unsure of my form, but she helped me with that.

So… I was spent just sampling this routine. Anything involving that damn Bosu is intense. I can’t wait to try this out next week, and get better!

I did 30 minutes on the bike afterward, but very slow.

Bike Time: 30:00 | Distance: 5.11 (Set on “Ozark Trails”)

Day 111 | February 6, 2010: 6 m run

I was hoping for a relaxing 6-miler, but that wasn’t the case:

• It was 26°F and sunny, but SUPER windy
• The sidewalks were icy, so I had to run in the street, which stresses me out
• I felt like I had lead legs

Well, they can’t all be easy!

Distance: 6.0 | Time: 56:43 | 1: 9:46 | 2: 9:40 | 3: 9:32 | 4: 9:21 | 5: 9:16 | 6: 9:03

Day 112 | February 7, 2010: yoga

Steven and I did the YogaWorks Body Slim DVD and I was drenched in sweat. Is this ever going to get easier?! I have noticed my downward dogs have become easier – my legs have been straighter and I don’t feel it as much in my calves. That is a sign!

Week Summary: 19.00 miles

I really loved fitting yoga in this week, and doing it with Steven. It would be great to make yoga a daily habit. It’s easy to do since we have DVDs and mats at home.

I found out this week that Tony is also running the Wisconsin Half Marathon – I hope I get to meet him!

And, I totally forgot to post a link to my guest post on Andrea’s site – check out my tips on cold weather running!

Comments (42)

By kilax, February 6, 2010 10:28 pm

Thank you so much for your comments on my post this morning – each and every one made me feel better. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and sharing your wonderful memories with me.

My grandpa passed away this morning, in his sleep, possibly before I wrote that post. I will be heading home Monday for the funeral and to spend time with my family. It will be nice to see them all again so soon, and ask them to share the memories I am struggling to find.

Again, thank you for being so thoughtful. It really helps me cope.

Comments (25)

By kilax, February 6, 2010 7:28 am

When I was eight or nine-years-old, and would play with my sister, I used to tell her, “Remember this! I can’t remember anything from when I was your age!”

She was three-years-old. I wonder if she even remembers me telling her that.

I felt that I was very insightful, and also, generous, to be giving her that advice at such a young age.

I should have taken it myself.

My dad’s dad has Lewy Body Dementia. We had some good moments with him when we visited in January, but we know his health is rapidly declining, and I’ve been trying to console myself.

I’ve reminded myself of how lucky I was to grow up with all four of my grandparents alive, and, to have them be able to interact with us so much. All four of them were only a 20-minute drive away! I bet we saw them once a week, and I loved growing up with them in my life. Even though I feel guilt* over living far away now, and not seeing them as much anymore, I still do the best I can to stay in touch and spend quality time together when I visit.

And I’ve told myself to think of all the good memories I have of my grandpa. In my young, naive brain, I think “What is death, if not a celebration of life?” I think about how I always say (and think) that I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life when I die, so, why not use that thinking to conjure up wonderful memories of my grandpa?

But I can’t.

I can’t remember. The advice I gave to my sister, a simple “Remember this!” I cannot do myself. My memory is blocked. All I can see are images of my grandpa in the last few years, struggling to control his body and mind, and restricted in movement.

Where did those memories go? I know we spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up. We were often at their house, but they came to my concerts and plays, and we even did long road trips together.

Where are those memories?!

I feel like I have a mental block on my mind right now, and it’s only making me feel worse about the whole situation.

Do you ever feel frustrated when memories seem to fade away? Is there a wonderful memory of your own you would like to share with me, to make me feel better?

Continue reading 'Trying to remember'»

Comments (23)

By kilax, February 5, 2010 5:44 am

For some reason, I am getting hit by about, oh, 10 spam comments every minute right now. Check out the peak on the right edge of the chart below! And I’ve gotten even more spam comments since then.

Anyway, I usually read through all of the spam to look for mistakes, but since I have 500+, I’m not going to. Please send me an email if your comment gets caught in spam. It most likely will not! And this will probably die down after awhile. Just a heads up.

Since I am here, I should let you know, I worked from home one day this week, and because I did not commute, am about 200+ posts behind. I will catch up! That’s me, leaving comments on posts from the past…

Comments (37)

By kilax, February 5, 2010 4:56 am

What is your opinion on therapy? Have you ever been to a therapist? If yes, did you find it helpful? If no, have you ever thought about going?

This question is inspired by Stef’s Wednesday post. Check out her post for the full context, but this part stuck with me:

It saddens me to know that many people still consider it to be cowardly to seek treatment for mental health problems. Like some of the other commenters said, mental health should be no different than physical health. If I had cancer, would people tell me to just use my willpower to fight off the disease? Would it be shameful or “cowardly” to get chemotherapy? Doubtful.

I instantly thought about one of Jillian Michaels’ podcasts – she was talking about how we have coaches for sports, and mentors at work, but there is still a stigma behind therapy, when really, it’s just a “life coach.” She said we should ALL have life coaches. I really love that comparison.

And that is how I think about therapy now – as coaching, or guidance. It’s someone you talk to, who is able to look at your situation from a different perspective. Sometimes you need this outside perspective, sometimes you can see it on your own. But either way, there is nothing wrong with seeking help. We all get in bad places from time to time, and are not always able to pull ourselves out on our own.

I have had 50/50 luck with my three therapy experiences. I had an awful therapist my sophomore year of college. I was dealing with the stress of just getting into the grueling architecture program, and she didn’t really listen to me, or give me any useful feedback. I quit seeing her.

During my junior year of college, I was still dealing with anxiety, and really connected with my second therapist (I believe making that connection with the therapist is so important – if you don’t feel it, it’s not going to work), and was making a lot of progress… but then we had a meeting with my parents and she told them something I specifically asked her NOT to. So, I didn’t trust her anymore (you can read more about that time in my life here – I discuss an anxiety drug she put me on).

My last therapy experience (last summer/fall) went really well, and I felt like she helped me see things in my life from a different perspective, and help me balance out my moods a bit more and NOT strive for perfection (I’m just a little bit Type A!*).

So, I do find therapy helpful, but it is kind of about what YOU bring to it. And since I tend to get there and just SPILL it all out, I think that has helped me.

Do you want to hear my thoughts on my last therapy experience? Click “continue reading” to read more…

Continue reading 'Friday Question #99'»

Comments (57)

By kilax, February 4, 2010 4:49 am

I love Wheat Thins. I do. But check out the amount of sodium in them:

230mg? That just seems like a lot to me! (According to this article, “Some 75% of dietary salt intake comes from processed foods.” The recommended daily salt intake is 1,500 mg, but the average adult American male consumes almost 4,000 mg a day!)

And what is up with all of the ingredients?

Ingredients: WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT FLOUR, UNBLEACHED ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMINE MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), SUGAR, SOYBEAN OIL, CORNSTARCH, MALT SYRUP (FROM BARLEY AND CORN), SALT, INVERT SUGAR, LEAVENING (CALCIUM PHOSPHATE AND/OR BAKING SODA), MONOGLYCERIDES, WHOLE GRAIN BARLEY FLAKES, WHOLE GRAIN MILLET, WHOLE GRAIN RYE, WHOLE GRAIN TRITICALE, VEGETABLE COLOR (ANNATTO EXTRACT, TURMERIC OLEORESIN). CONTAINS: WHEAT. BHT ADDED TO PACKAGING MATERIAL TO PRESERVE FRESHNESS.

Ugh. What the hell? Why does the list of ingredients have to be so long? I’d much rather make MY OWN wheat thins…

(Brilliant segue, no?)

Steven found a recipe for Homemade Wheat Thins from the King Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking Cookbook on this blog, and set out to make them last Sunday.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/4 c. whole wheat flour
• 1 1/2 tbsp. sugar
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. paprika
• 4 tbsp. margarine
• 1/4 c. water
• 1/4 tsp. vanilla
• additional salt for topping (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine the flour, sugar, salt and paprika. Melt the margarine and mix it all together. Combine the water and vanilla, then add to the dry mixture, mixing until smooth.
2. Preheat oven to 400°F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper.
3. Divide the dough into four pieces (see below – this just makes it so you aren’t rolling out A TON of dough). Lightly flour your work surface and rolling pin and roll the dough into a large rectangle, about 1/16th thick. Trim the edges with a pizza cutter (see below) and cut dough into squares.





4. Put the squares on the baking sheet. Sprinkle with salt if desired. Repeat steps 3-4 with rest of dough.



5. Bake the crackers one sheet at a time, until crisp and brown, 5-7 minutes. Watch the oven LIKE A HAWK! You want the crackers crispy, not chewy, but not burnt either! Remove and cool on a plate or cooling rack. They will stay crisp for several days in an airtight container.

Looks just like a Wheat Thin, right?

Perfect for taking to work!

Nom.

We* were impressed. The ones we baked just right, tasted JUST LIKE Wheat Thins! It would be cool if we started making these every week, along with our granola bars.

And I think you could add cinnamon and they would be SUPER tasty sweet treat!

Have you ever felt like a processed food had too much salt or too many ingredients and tried to make your own version?

*And so were my coworkers that I shared these with! They both immediately asked for the recipe.