Lacking quality sleep
Friends, I need your help.
What do you do to ensure you get a quality night’s rest?
I’ve noticed that I go through cycles where I am not sleeping well at night. Usually it will last a few weeks or longer, then I sleep well for a week or two, then it starts again. I have noticed that it seems to hit Steven at the same time too. We are waking up often during the night, or really struggling with that “I feel like I was awake all night” feeling (you know, you did get some sleep, but it was confused sleep and you thought you were awake).
It is crucial that I (everyone, really!) get quality rest at night. I only get about 6.5 hours of sleep – I go to bed at 10:00 and wake up at 4:30. So, if that sleep sucks, I feel drained and LOOK drained most of the time.
I’ve been trying to figure this out, and here are some of the things I have noticed disrupting my sleep:
- Stress/Anxiety – if I have something in the back of my mind, even if it is NOT bothering me, I will dream about it and wake up constantly throughout the night. Example – my plan this morning was to wake up at 4:00 am and run 7 miles then do 10 minutes of yoga (which I did). BUT, I kept waking up every hour last night, dreaming about waking up at 4:00 to run. Last week, while staying in Iowa, I kept waking up because I was dreaming about my grandfather, and his funeral. If I have a big meeting, or have to get up early, I will wake up constantly throughout the night, even if I am not worried about it.
- Temperature – I am a sweaty sleeper, or, as Steven likes to call me, “The Human Radiator.” I get really hot when I sleep. We keep our house at 67°F – I think it may even go down to 65°F during the night – but I still wake up drenched in sweat from time to time. I wear a sheet, and a fleece blanket. That’s it. And I try to dress in lightweight clothing. It’s awful when you wake up, drenched in sweat and have to go get a new sheet or towel to lay on.
- Food – if I eat too much before bedtime, or too close to bedtime, and have too full of a stomach, it can keep me awake at night, or make me have to get up and go to the bathroom.
- Water – the same with water – I have to consciously stop drinking it before bed or only take tiny sips or I will be up peeing, one or two times. I HATE that.
- Vivid Imagination – if I see something scary/disturbing on television/in a movie, I will have a vivid dream about it. On Monday, Steven was watching the original V (is that what it’s called?) series on SyFy and I had a disturbing dream that I was getting raped by a giant lizard man. No joke. And, you may or may not remember the Wustöf dream (As a side note, I was inspired this morning to write a post about kitchen knives. Watch for that coming soon!).
- Data – Sigh. Data. We love you. We love your furry little body. But you get in our way in bed! When Data sleeps with me, I half-consciously try not to disturb him by tossing and turning throughout the night, meaning I might be uncomfortable.
Interestingly, when I told my therapist last summer I was not sleeping well because I kept having to get up to pee, she just told me to get used to it. She said it happens to her every night and it has become part of her routine.
Ugh, no thanks, lady. I need quality sleep. Getting up once or twice a night does not equal quality sleep to me!
Can you relate to any of my sleep disruptors? Do you have any of your own to add? Do you wake up often during the night? Do you think that’s normal? Any tips/suggestions?!?!
Update: Amy‘s first comment made me realize I should mention – I do not drink any caffeine products, or typically eat products with caffeine in them. So I don’t think that is part of the problem for me. I know many people have a caffeine cut-off time though!
Themocracy
Hi Kim, I can relate to most of your sleep disruptors!! Especially the stress thing – I think of my mind like a tumble dryer, with the thoughts just going around and around and keeping me from falling asleep *sigh* I don’t know what to tell you, as this is something I struggle with regularly too. I have to be super vigilant about my caffeine intake which can really mess me up at night. One thing that seems to help me is that I notice I sleep best on the days I have had a good long run or some other kind of physical exercise combined with fresh air. I do admire your discipline of getting up so early to work out – I am a wimp when it comes to getting up early!
Hi Amy! I wish you couldn’t relate! 😉 I always tell Steven – I wish we had a home gym – I feel so great and relaxed after I do a good strength workout, I could just fall asleep. Maybe I should try yoga before bed?!
I LOVE our dogs, but if they sleep with me, I will not get a good night’s sleep, and therefore they do not. It was the same way with my cat– I eventually just had to kick them out of the bedroom for my own sanity!
Could you take a bath before bed? That usually relaxes me. Or do some dense reading?
I LOVE taking baths. I would take one every night if I could! I need to start incorporating that into my routine. One sounds pretty good right now.
I do have trouble sleeping sometimes, but I can’t point to a specific cause… I make it a point to empty my bladder before bed, though, otherwise the dead-of-night nature call occurs :p
For the imgination / stress/anxiety, you could try to meditate / sit quietly and quiet your mind for the 5 minutes before bed. It might help break whatever cycle you might be having by inserting a pause button of sorts. Yoga might do the trick too — if you find yourself relaxing and calming down while you do it! But if your mind races a gazillion thoughts per minute centering around the practice, ummm, probably not helping! 😀
Stress is usually the biggest thing that keeps me from sleeping well. But I can relate to your Data problem! I love Shasta, and she rarely sleeps with us, but when she does I am always waking up and tossing/turning carefully to try not to disturb her. She is so darn cute though that I don’t want to kick her out! Maybe it would be different if she slept with us every night though?
Nah. Data sleeps with us every night and I still melt because he is so cute in bed 😉 I always so “go sleep with your daddy!” and Steven always says “go sleep with your mommy!”
Gag.
“Interestingly, when I told my therapist last summer I was not sleeping well because I kept having to get up to pee, she just told me to get used to it”
Wow! That’s really crap advice! I have the same problem and recommend abstaining for all liquids three hours before bed and doing some relaxation techniques before bed. You may also want to get tested for diabetes, because frequent middle of the night peeing can be a symptom of that disease.
Yeah. I thought it was crap advice too.
And that is scary… about the diabetes. I will have to look up other symptoms.
I’ve read that sleep deprivation due to cat or dog is a common problem in this country. I have allergies so our cats can’t sleep with us.
To me it sounds like you are an unusually vivid dreamer and I think waking up every hour because of a meeting or a morning run is not the norm. Maybe something to talk to your doctor about? Also I know there are medications and even supplements that can give you vivid dreams, so that’s something to consider.
I never had sleep problems until I met the bf–he is an insomnia and sleeps with the tv on all night long and also gets up in the middle of the night to eat.He used to bring his cereal back into bed and I would hear crunch crunch crunch. I squashed that idea pretty quick.
Temperature is also a big issue to me. I often wake up drenched in sweat. Ew.
Team human radiator! I’m one as well and my boyfriend constantly says that I’m hot muahahaha.
Surprisingly enough I mostly have a very good night’s sleep. Only stress bothers me (which I luckily don’t have right now) and nightmares too.
I agree with Lynn: meditation is great for relaxation. Sometimes my brain goes 385093 miles per hour and it’s hard for me to “switch off”. Meditation helps me, as well as calming yoga.
Go, Team, Go! 😛
I go through phases, sometimes I sleep like a champ then I go through weeks when I wake up at random points. It depends on what wakes me up, it is either the Hubs snoring (or as he calls it rhythmic breathing) or the cat scratching the wall to get attention.
As I have gotten older, I find myself awake a few times in the night for no reason. I have no problem falling back to sleep but, it does interrupt the sleep cycle.
I drink herbal tea a few hours before bed, take a hot shower and read before I go to sleep, thsi calms my body and my brain.
Try a cotton blanket instead of a flannel one, that will help with the human radiator.
Have you ever considered using a white noise machine? Sometimes noises in the house (furnace turning on/off, creaking of houses, cat playing, etc.) or outside the house can disturb you without you even noticing it. Maybe a white noise machine will help mask those sounds.
For me, cutting caffeine out of my daily routine was key. I used to only drink caffeine before lunch and it still had an effect on my sleeping patterns. Now, I sleep soundly on most nights and am rarely tired during the day.
Fortunately, I sleep like a rock though just about everything. When I was working overnights and/or rowing in college I’d only get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at a time, and often during the middle of the day – so I learned to sleep through all the distractions. (Big thanks to my freshman roommate who always insisted on vacuuming while I slept, I suppose?)
The fiance has been sleeping much better now that he’s w/o caffeine and less sugar. I’ve also heard great things about setting up a whole bed time routine so that your body knows that it’s time to sleep.
Whoa. Hold up. Your roommate would vacuum while you were sleeping? WTF?
I am so sorry you are having trouble sleeping. I think stress is the only thing that keeps me awake. After getting up every 3-4 hours when Maya was a baby, I have really learned to appreciate uninterrupted (is that one word???) sleep. Nothing wakes me up anymore.
i have struggled with sleep since college. i use a fan for a “signal” and background noise that really helps me go to sleep. very soothing. i used to listen to a sleep CD (it was like a brain waves thing).
my big issue currently is what time to go to bed. i get tired, but i don’t fall asleep. and elliot stays up a lot later than me. i’ve been trying to get him to go to bed at the same time as me b/c it would be so much nicer and i would maybe relax more and fall asleep more easily.
suggestions: have a routine you follow, have background noise, if you don’t fall asleep right away get up and read a boring book for 10 minutes, focus on your breathing.
Steven and I have the same issue. Since he works from home, he wakes up later than me, and is not ready for bed when I am.
Ha ha, “Read a boring book”!
Kim,
I go to bed at 9:00 and wake up at 4:45. I know if I don’t go to bed at 9:00, the next day is tough at work. I get up 2-3 times a night to use the bathroom and for some it is normal. My wife thinks I have a problem, but it is just part of my routine. I also have a dog that sleeps with us and she is on my side of the bed so she is always waking me up. I try to get my exercise in at night and that seems to help me feel rested when I wake up.
I hope you figure it out and get some sleep!!
Hi Kim,
Actually, I’m also one of those that gets up at least once or twice to go to the bathroom at night. But, I find that if I’m sleeping well, then I just drift right back to sleep, but if it’s a poor sleep night, then I’m tossing and turning (but usually I was already doing that before heading to the bathroom).
Otherwise, sounds like you’ve pretty much figured out what prevents you from having a good night’s sleep.
The only one I might add is that for me, since I started blogging, I’ve sometimes stayed on the computer for over an hour right before going to bed and I’ve found myself feeling overstimulated and it would take me much longer to fall asleep and my sleep was more agitated. So, as much as possible, I try and stay off the computer at least half an hour before bed minimum. Reading is much better at calming me down…
Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, if they do squeeze them tight and they won’t come back tomorrow night 😉
Aww! I have never heard the whole bed bug rhyme before! 🙂
I usually stay away from the computer from the minute I get home. Last night I did look at my site right before bed though, and we were watching an action movie. Hmm. Maybe I should avoid movies. Reading is a good idea. That always makes me feel tired!
A few years ago I had started getting up to pee once or twice per night. I figured it was just part of getting older and it didn’t really affect my quality sleep as I typically can manage to go back to sleep pretty easily. Still, it was annoying.
Then, it stopped. I haven’t the foggiest idea what changed. It’s been a while and I didn’t really keep track of it, but it seems like it lasted for several months or maybe as much as a year. It may not have been every night, but if not, it was certainly most of them. Oh, well.
I can definitely relate to the sleep stuff. Some nights I sleep perfectly and feel great even though I too wake up at 4:30 for the day. Other days, like you, I wake up every hour and am thinking about things I am not even worried about. I don’t know what to do about it either. I am the opposite of you with the heat thing though. I wake up shivering almost every night.
I am so sorry you are having trouble sleeping. When I don’t get my sleep I am quite cranky and just don’t feel good. I think some people can go without sleep much better than others and I am not one of them! (Although really I suppose it isn’t normal or necessary or good for ANYONE to get less than 6.5 hours of sleep like I/you do so I guess I need a normal amount of sleep and just wish I needed less). I hope things get better and you find a solution soon!
The pee thing happens to me almost every single night recently. No matter what I do I wake up at least once a night to go. Before I was married my initials were TB and my friends used to say it stood for “tiny bladder”. But at least I didn’t used to have to get up at night to go!
TB. Hee hee.
I hope things get better for BOTH of us soon. Do you think our overachiever tendencies have anything to do with this? (waking up early to get things done, thinking about things because we have so much on our mind…)
I wish I could get by with less sleep too! 🙂
I need quality sleep as well… I like to be in bed right at 9 and sleep by 9:30 and like you I wak up between 4 and 4:30. I can’t stand nights that I wake up at mid night and toss and turn and finally fall bask sleep 5 min before the alarm clock goes off. I haven’t figured out what causes that… but like you said if I have something big the next day and need to be up at a certain time than all night long I worry about not getting up..
When in college I would wake up in the middle of the night with the solution to the homework problem or a take home test… now I dream about taking exams and failing because I didn’t study enough (I have been out of college 8 yrs (not counting grad school).
The peeing in the middle of the night doesn’t bother me much.. I usually get back to bed and sleep.
Oh gosh. I have talked to many people about this! What is it with the anxious college dreams… after graduating from college? I have dreams that I forgot to go to class, that I didn’t do assignments… so weird.
I can relate to many of the same things- especially the stress/vivid imagination. I have to write everything I’m thinking of down on a piece of paper and set it on my desk so I can pick it up the next morning and think about it then lol
lol wow your therapist sounds like such a compassionate soul! i go through phases when i have awful “sleep hygiene” as they call it (love that term haha.) it’s almost ALWAYS related to stress for me. the only tips i have are to make sure you get moving at some point during the day, but not too close to bedtime, although it seems like you exercise plenty so that’s prob not it. do you journal at all? even just jotting down a few random thoughts/to do lists before you turn out the light is often helpful. i wish i had a tip about being a human radiator but i’m always freezing to the touch and my family calls me ice cube 🙂
Hey ice cube! 🙂
I don’t journal, but more and more, I am thinking that would be a wonderful idea for me, for this reason, and because it would let me get out things I don’t discuss on my blog.
I can actually relate to alot of those as well. I am super mind stresser! Sometimes I try a nice cup of sleepytime tea about 30mins before bed, that usually relaxes me and I sleep pretty good. I also noticed the best nights of sleep I get are after my 90 min yoga class.
I hope it gets better for you. And am glad to read everyone else’s tips.
Your therapist really said that to you?! Really earning her pay there. Anyway, I have horrible sleep patterns. Waking up to pee? Practically every night. Waking up randomly for no discernible reason whatsoever? All the time. I wish I could help, but I’m just as lost as you are!
<3 <3
Ha ha ha. I still have NOT paid my therapist! She was supposed to figure it all out and bill me. That was back in October.
I thought of you when I was writing this. And even when I was running this morning, thinking about it, I thought of you. I wish we could both find a solution.
My trouble is always an overactive brain–too many things to plan and ponder. 🙂 I’ve found that the Deep Rest meditation podcast from Meditation Oasis (on iTunes) really helps calm my thoughts…I usually fall asleep halfway through.
I’m fortunate enough where usually I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Being awake for 10 minutes after I get in bed is actually a pretty bad night for me. Races are a different story though. The night before a race, I don’t sleep very well because of the prerace jitters.
If anyone else already said this, sorry, I don’t have time to read all the other comments 🙁 lol. I’ve read that you should use your bed (and really your bedroom) for just sleep (and sex lol). If you get in a habit of reading, watching tv, going on the computer, etc. in bed, it’ll be harder for you to fall sleep. When I do have a hard time falling asleep, it’s usually because I’ve been reading a lot (in bed) or blogging a lot while laying down in bed.
LOL. No worries – I NEVER read all the comments. Props to you if you do!
And no one mentioned that, although, I have heard that before, and think it is wonderful advice. Someone, I won’t mention names (but it’s not me or the cat) enjoys having the television on in bed. I wish there was no tv in the room at all!
Anne made a good point about getting off the computer at least 30 minutes before bed. I find that if I skip the computer or the tv and read in bed for 30 minutes instead I fall asleep faster and stay asleep better. Although lately I’ve been waking up drenched in sweat! Gross! I think I’m going to have to sleep in my running clothes for their sweat-wicking properties.
I’ve woken up in a panic about something I have to do the next day and I just repeat over and over to myself that I will deal with it then and right now it’s time to sleep. That seems to help.
LOL. You totally crack me up with thinking of sleeping in your running clothes. Hey, then you could go straight into an early morning run, too!
I wish I could help but I share some of your troubles. When I’m stressed I’m constantly waking up. The pet issue isn’t a problem anymore since I switched to a double bed and there’s plenty of room for the two of us. As for the water, I try not to drink at LEAST 2 hours before bed. Even that will sometimes have me waking up to pee. Last night although I had no water for the last 3-4 hours, I STILL woke up twice to pee.
Maybe reading before bed would help calm your mind a bit? It sometimes helps for me. 🙂
You know, I used to be a really great sleeper. Since I started working full-time (so the past 7 years), I have insomnia phases. I blame work. Ha. I’ve kept “sleep diaries” and I can’t seem to see any patterns. I just have phases. Sometimes I have no trouble falling asleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night or very early morning and can’t get back to sleep. Sometimes it’s because I start thinking about something, but sometimes I’m just strangely alert (my doc said this is related to depression). I’ve also had phases of having a really hard time falling asleep, though that was mostly when I was on birth control. My anti-depressant makes me want to sleep for like 12 hours, so I feel tired on 8 hours of sleep. I think it’s normal to have inconsistent sleeping. I just treasure the days when I’m fully rested.
I think lowering the temperature at night could really help you. I’m the same way (sweaty sleeper) and at night we drop our heat to 60 degrees. It sounds cold but when you’re under the covers it’s not bad at all. We just program it to come on before we wake up in the morning so we’re not stuck getting up in the cold (that’s the worst!). When I stay at a friends house or whatnot and they keep the temp up higher I sweat to death!
You know, that is a great idea. I wonder if my husband would be game.
I can relate to all of the above disruptions except mine isn’t Data, it’s Manny. I haven’t slept a full night in such a long time. I hate it! I used to go through cycles but since getting pregnant I’ve been a really bad sleeper. I should starting texting you, “Psst, are you awaaaake…” : )
Ha ha. Please do! At least then I would be laughing.
the best/easiest i was ever able to fall asleep was when i was taking an Alexander Technique class – it’s all about figuring out how your body wants to move (and be at rest!) and retraining your movements / posture / etc to be more comfortable. our instructor had this exercise she had us do as we were falling asleep, and MAN did it knock me right out! i want to go back for a refresher course JUST to relearn that part 🙂
Wow, I don’t know how you function on 6.5 hours of sleep. I need 8 or I’m exhausted!!
I have to deal with all the problems you mentioned: water, food, stress, TEMP (big one) etc. I definitely think about my food and water intake every night before bed and like the room to be cold (but in my dorm this is often hard to control!)
To destress and make sure I settle down before bed and get a good night sleep, I try to put away all computer/cellphone/electronics an hour before bed and push everything aside and read a book. This really helps, but obviously there are some days when I’m so busy I can’t have an hour..
I find that when I have disrupted sleep (like, for the past 6 and a half years between pregnancy and kids) I need to physically be in bed for 10-12 hours to feel as rested as I feel on the rare nights I sleep for 8 hours straight.
I have a lot of similar sleep disruptions to yours above. I can’t sleep if I am too warm and I have just stopped watching any scary movies because I won’t be able to sleep. My husband watched Paranormal Activity (I didn’t) and he just described bits of the movie to me and I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Ugh.
Oh! And I wanted to tell you that the husband finally read Eating Animals and thinks he wants to go vegetarian. 🙂 Again, thank you!!
Oh yay! I am so happy that your husband read the book and is thinking of making the switch! 🙂
Steven can watch those scary movies too and it does not bother him, but like you, I CANNOT get an image out of my mind!
I get about the same amount of sleep as you. In the past, I have had a hard time sleeping when I was distracted/worried about something going on at that time in my life. It hasn’t been too bad recently, especially because I’m running in the mornings, so by the evening, I am dead tired! Good luck with you though!
I am starting to switch to morning runs too. Maybe that will help!
Thanks for commenting! I love meeting new bloggers!
I’m a lot like you with the sleep thing. I used to be a major insomniac to the point that I was “self-medicating” with alcohol. NOT HEALTHY! Then, I saw a specialist and she put me on Ambien. AWESOME but very dangerous drug. I slept amazingly when I was on it – almost 3 years! Too bad it’s really not safe. Then, I started to really research the problem. I read a book called _Insomniac_ by Gayle Greene. Totally changed my view on sleep. Basically, it’s really hormonal – especially those night sweats. You might want to keep track of your sleep patterns and how they relate to your menstrual cycle. It might help you understand it better. Plus, I don’t completely believe that “you MUST have 8 hours of sleep” thing. I think it really varies from person to person. See if you can get a copy of that book. It might help. Good luck!
Oh gosh. It sounds like that book might really help. Thank you!
I used to have trouble sleeping too. I find that when I don’t have a set schedule, I have a hard time falling asleep. No matter what time I go to bed, I always wake up before 7:00am on weekdays and before 8:00am on weekends. It’s really the only way that I can keep my schedule the same.
I pee a lot! No really… I pee a ton! I drink probably over a gallon of water a day and usually a huge water bottle before bed (about 24-32oz). I’m used to it. I wake up at least once, but sometimes twice a night to go to the bathroom. I know you don’t like the idea of it but I feel like I’m half asleep when I go to the bathroom haha!
Another thing I’ve noticed is that more than 8 hours of sleep is too much for me. I need about 7-7.5. If I sleep more than that, I’m tired all day and have a hard time sleeping the next day.
Not sure if this is helpful, but just things to think about!
Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep on Sunday nights because I subconsciously get nervous about work or just have a lot on my mind. I sometimes will get up if I don’t fall right to sleep and get a small drink or eat a banana or some cereal. My mom always told me that sometimes your body needs a little water or something to eat to allow it to go to sleep. I think it depends on the person and your routine. When i was little I would always have a snack before bed because we would usually eat dinner so early (5:30 dinner, 8pm bed). I know the feeling of sleeping but not really feeling like i have slept. I think it sometimes depends on the bed too. I have a select comfort bed and I know that i always sleep well on it.
Sweaty sleeper? Sleep nude. Oh sorry, TMI??? And buy Steven headphones that have a receiver that plugs into the TV. Only he can hear the TV then. GREAT invention and not that expensive. We don’t have any of the cats sleep with us because…..well at our house that would be a circus! I have trouble getting my mind to shut off sometimes too. It’s very frustrating. And the peeing thing, I try not to drink too much before bed. But darn it! Sometimes I’m thirsty!!!! Good luck.
P.S. We are all in Iowa this weekend for mom’s 80th BD. 😀
Most of the time I’m so exhausted when I get in bed that I read for a few minutes and then quickly fall asleep. However, every once in a while (ahem, last night!) I cannot get my mind to stop thinking and I either cannot fall asleep or wake up a lot, like you said. Ohhh, I like the idea of a bath before bed to relax though 🙂
Short of drugs or a sharp blow to the back of the head, I see no way to “guarantee” a good night’s sleep.
Glad you put in the disclaimer re: caffeine, because that was going to be my first question! I can’t have it after 12:00 p.m. or I have trouble falling asleep…
Have you tried melatonin? Or “sleepy-time” tea? I’ve never tried the tea, but I’ve heard it (as well as chamomile) works wonders and helps you get tired naturally. I SWEAR by melatonin. I used to take it Sunday-Thursday night, but now I take it maybe 1-2 times a week. I rarely stir at all when I’ve taken it!
Like others have suggested, I’ve heard reading or taking a bath can also help you relax. Would maybe the noise of a fan or humidifier help?
P.S. Someone told me if you don’t pee at least once during the night, that means you’re dehydrated. Doesn’t that suck?!
I have not tried that tea, but I think it is worth a shot. And I would love a hot bath each night!
Ha. If that is true, I doubt I am EVER dehydrated! I drink too much water, probably!