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By kilax, January 13, 2010 4:45 am

Have you ever regretted not apologizing for something that happened in your past? Would you apologize for it years, maybe even decades later?

Apparently, people are apologizing years later – especially on the internet. According to the Wall Street Journal article “Who’s Sorry Now? Nearly Everyone,” people are reconnecting on the internet so that they can apologize to one another for all sorts of things. One woman contacted someone she had told to “drop dead” 48 years earlier and apologized for that. Another woman apologized 3.5 years later on MySpace for not sending a thank-you for a shower gift.

I like that the article raised the question:

Just because there is someone from our past we could apologize to, should we? After all, how effective is an act of contrition—whether proffered over the Web or otherwise—that comes many, many years late?

The woman getting apologized to 3.5 years later for not receiving a thank-you did not think the apology was effective. She felt that the it was “astronomically” late and insincere. I probably would have felt the same way.

And the article brings up the point:

… we live in a self-help culture, where therapists, 12-step program guides and talk-show hosts are forever reminding us that forgiveness and gratitude are the way to happiness (and sobriety). Many times, a long-overdue apology, much like a confession, does more for the person offering it up than it does for the one receiving it.

I have a few thoughts on this and a few questions for you:

Have you ever received or given an apology years later? Would you accept an apology online? Have you ever expected an apology and not received one? Is it ever too late to say you’re sorry?

I tend to be uber-conscious of people’s emotions and can tell when I have made someone feel bad, so I try to apologize right away, sometimes in person, sometimes in an email. I can’t think of any apologies I owe. And really, I try not to apologize too much for mundane things. I am who I am and if something about ME bothers you I cannot apologize for that, but I can apologize for an action I’ve taken. I know that sounds awful, but maybe you can understand.

I AM guilty of expecting an apology and never receiving it. In fact, I am still waiting for one, and I am ashamed. But I just cannot seem to let it go. And I fear that it is something I will never forget and it will ruin the relationship with this person forever. I have to ask myself, if this person does not want to apologize for what they did, do I even want to be their friend?

It sounds like I need tips on “letting things go.” Ha. Well, the article didn’t offer those, but it did offer some tips if you decide to apologize to someone. Click “more” to read on.

Continue reading 'Is it ever too late to say you’re sorry?'»

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By kilax, January 12, 2010 5:31 am

Thank you for all of your feedback and questions yesterday – I really appreciate it. I am taking many notes to review. Keep the suggestions/questions coming!

I have to share a little secret – I have been weighing myself every single day since October 17th.

And to make it worse? I have been tracking every weigh-in in excel. Oh yes, so I can make fun charts like this:

What does this all mean?

That I am about to get chewed out for weighing myself 7 times a week?

Actually, it means that I have been using the home scale since October 17th and have not stayed overnight anywhere since then.

Well, that is about to change! We’re going to Barbados!

Ha! Not! I wish. No, we are leaving for Iowa soon and will be there 5 nights and 4 whole days.

That is a lot of time away from the scale.

Dun dun dun… what is going to happen?

What usually happens when I visit family (or they visit) is that I lose all abandon and stuff my face silly. But these past few months we’ve had family over a few times, and I have been fine. In fact, in the past few months I have only had four incidences where I felt like I was binge-eating, and they were all at work.

So, I am feeling pretty optimistic that I can forget about that scale for (gasp!) 5 days and see what happens. I think I can have fun and eat reasonably. And I know I can fit exercise in.

But just in case, what are your tips for eating healthy when you are in a situation that normally triggers the opposite?

My tips are to focus on the company, not the food, and to drink lots of water.

Comments (54)

By kilax, January 11, 2010 5:06 am

I feel like I am having a bit of a blogger identity crisis.

I am passionate about what I am writing, and I really enjoy writing, receiving comments and interacting with all of you. It’s so fun. And I like the style I’ve developed and the blogging schedule I am following.

But… I have this itching feeling that I could be more personal here. I just worry about doing that without comprising my “in real life” relationships.

I suppose most bloggers struggle with this.

Have you ever felt like you were having a blogger identity crisis?

Maybe I will work on a “FAQ” page or update my About page in the meantime. Do you have any questions for me? Is there anything you would like to know about me? Me, me, me, me, me. It felt weird asking you guys that. But I have always wondered!

I have a non-traditional giveaway for you. It is more of a “pay it forward” giveaway, but I didn’t just want to say “whoever comments first gets it!” So I will do a traditional giveaway and draw a name.

Have you heard of the book Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster? The book is about Lancaster’s weight loss journey (warning: if you have/had an eating disorder, this book may be triggering). She tells her story with a sense of humor and does not apologize for who she is. And bonus! The story is set in Chicago. Leah wrote about the book a few weeks ago, saying how much it made her laugh, and I thought, “Jeez, instead of letting this book sit on my shelf never to be read again, I should pass it on!”

So, I decided to. Let me know if you like this idea, because I used to have a book purchasing problem and could probably find a few more to pass on!

If you are interesting in having my meticulously well taken care of copy of Such a Pretty Fat, you’ll be excited to find out there are three entry possibilities! And, I decided to throw in some LastLine bookmarks for fun!

Contest Rules:

1. To enter the contest, simply leave a comment below recommending a fiction or non-fiction book to me.
2. To get an extra entry, link to the giveaway in your blog, and leave me another comment linking to your post.
3. And for the bonus extra entry, related to the first half of this post, leave me another comment below telling me something you like or dislike about this blog. Example? I dislike how RIDICULOUSLY long my posts have been lately. (And while I do write for me, but would love some feedback.)
4. This contest is open until 5:00 PM CST on Sunday, January 17th. I will probably use the old “name out of a hat” drawing to select a winner on Sunday evening. I will announce the winner on Monday, January 18th.
5. This contest is open to readers everywhere.

Comments (16)

By kilax, January 10, 2010 7:43 am

Ugh, this is way too long. Trying to work on that! If you decide to skim, make sure you check out my wipe-out story in the January 9 section (and I always appreciate your feedback on my questions in bold!).

Day 78 | January 4, 2010: strength

I had nightmares on Sunday about how busy the gym would be Monday (due to New Years Resolution-ers). How sad is that? It was unusually crowded. There were a lot of new faces, and a lot of randomness (meandering from machine to machine) but I only had to adjust my routine a bit.

I ended up using the new machines on Monday, and had to up the weight a bit on them (the weight was in different increments than the old machines). Yep. I had shaky arms afterward. Loved it!

Ha ha. I heard a funny conversation in the locker room while I was changing to go work out. One woman was getting ready to leave and another woman came in and recognized her. “Oh!” said the women who was walking in, “You’re starting the new year off right!”

“Actually,” the other woman said, “I have been doing this since October!” (Then she talked about one of the trainers and how great the program is that she set up for her and how it “saved her life.” Yeah. She said that.)

I bet that woman who had just finished her workout was feeling pretty good about herself, being able to say she had been working out since October. The other woman did say this was her “first workout.” Hope she can stick with it!

Biangular Lat Row: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 50 lb, 15 @ 50 lb
Lateral Raise: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb
Biangular Chest Press: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 50 lb, 15 @ 50 lb
Shoulder Press: 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Lat Pulldowns: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Pectoral Fly: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Arm Curl: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb
Seated Leg Press: 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 90 lb
Leg Extension: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 45 lb
Leg Curl: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 40 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Hip Abduction: 3 x 15 @ 115 lb
Hip Adduction: 3 x 15 @ 55 lb
Woodchop: 15 each side at 30 lb
V Bar Pushdowns: 3 x15 @ 30 lb

Day 79 | January 5, 2010: 6 m run + cross

I don’t know what it is about running on the office treadmill in the morning, but it has been going really well for me. I think I am a morning runner.

I headed back down to the gym at lunch time for some biking. A coworker saw me taking my jewelry off (to lock at my desk) and said, “Are you going to the gym? Weren’t you there this morning?!” (Why yes, I was, remember, you said to me “Your motivation sickens me, Kim!”). Ha. She was only teasing me, but hey, I told her, I have nothing better to do at lunch time…

The only problem is that I am starting to get really hungry. And it’s hard not to eat everything in sight!

Distance: 6.0 | Time: 59:34 | 1: 10:21 | 2: 10:11 | 3: 10:00 | 4: 9:50 | 5: 9:41 | 6: 9:31
Bike Time: 45:00 | Distance: 8.22 (Set on “Ozark Trails”)

Day 80 | January 6, 2010: strength

What is your opinion on strength workouts – should you target areas, like “upper body” or “lower body” per day, or do entire body strength workouts?

I fit in what I can – strength 2-3 times a week, so I focus on whole body (like below). But I overheard this guy telling another guy in the gym about how disappointed he was when his son came home for Christmas and he found out that the son’s college track coach had them doing entire body workouts in the weight room. I was surprised he was so upset (I’m so nosy, I know!).

Biangular Lat Row: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 50 lb, 15 @ 50 lb
Lateral Raise: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb, 15 @ 37.5 lb
Biangular Chest Press: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 50 lb, 15 @ 50 lb
Shoulder Press: 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb, 15 @ 20 lb
Lat Pulldowns: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Pectoral Fly: 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 60 lb, 15 @ 60 lb
Arm Curl: 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb, 15 @ 25 lb
Seated Leg Press: 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 70 lb, 15 @ 90 lb
Leg Extension: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 45 lb, 15 @ 45 lb
Leg Curl: 15 @ 30 lb, 15 @ 40 lb, 15 @ 20 lb

Day 81 | January 7, 2010: 6 m run

I had another great 6-miler on the office treadmill (well, great until the last 7 minutes when I had to poo like no other). I get there early, turn on NBC and read the captions while I run and listen to music. Ha, it would be so cool if there was a station I could turn out to read blogs! Would you tune in? The only problem would be leaving comments.

Distance: 6.0 | Time: 59:34 | 1: 10:21 | 2: 10:11 | 3: 10:00 | 4: 9:50 | 5: 9:41 | 6: 9:31

Day 82 | January 8, 2010: cross

This post is getting WAY too long, so I am not going to say much about this uneventful hour bike ride (okay, except that I read a copy of Health and liked it – I might get a subscription).

Comments (22)

By kilax, January 9, 2010 6:46 am

Do you ever catch signs that you are slowly falling into a funk?

Sometimes I catch signs such as:

• losing interest in things
• being extremely irritable
• feeling anti-social
• not wanting to take care of my body
• wanting to sleep all the time
• feeling defensive and cranky

The question is, once we’ve noticed the signs, how do we avoid falling into a full fledged funk? This is something I’ve been trying to figure out for eight years.

I’ve noticed that if I develop a plan of reaction to each sign of falling into a funk, it helps. It gives me tools to use when I realize I am not feeling like myself. Now, I completely prefer preventitive actions to reactive actions, but for now, this is the best I can do.

When I first notice the signs of falling into a funk, I tell myself to pause and look at the bigger picture. Is the reason for my funk right in front of me? Is there an issue I have been avoiding? If it’s situational, and I can nip my unease in the butt by addressing the issue, I try to. Otherwise, I address each sign one by one until I work my way out of the funk. Click “more” if you’d like to read examples of my plans of reaction.

What are your tips on how to avoid falling into a funk? Do you ever catch signs that you are? What are your signs?

Continue reading 'How to avoid falling into a funk'»

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By kilax, January 8, 2010 4:26 am

What are your tips for reducing spending?

Two Mondays ago, I mentioned that we cut back on spending in 2009, and Chez Julie asked me to share some of my tips. What a great idea!

I have a lot of tips and I bet commenters will too – so don’t feel bad if you can’t read them all – PLEASE SHARE your ideas!

I broke my tips into three categories: Shopping, Entertainment and General. Click “more” to read (skim, really) on.

Continue reading 'Friday Question #95'»

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By kilax, January 7, 2010 4:56 am

Gossiping. We all do it from time to time. It’s so fun, yet so wrong… right?

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday – “Killing Gossip with Kindness.” The article discussed methods teachers are using to quell student gossiping, rampant gossiping on the internet, and the merit of gossiping.

Quelling Gossiping in Schools

A teacher quoted in the article said kids today seem more sarcastic than past generations. She suggests to students that before saying something about someone else, to ask themselves, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?“

What a great triad of questions to remember. It seems obvious to think through these questions before you open your mouth, but of course, we don’t. And while I have to say – I think many kids are just MEAN – I believe this exercise would be helpful and develop good habits.

Rampant Gossiping on the Internet

The article mentions the plethora of gossip online, and how it can permanently tarnish your image – because it’s online forever. We bloggers are familiar with this. People seem to be apt to say things online, behind the safety of a computer screen, that they would NEVER say in real life.

Professor Daniel Solove*, who wrote a book about internet gossip, was quoted:

Given the times we live in, he says it can’t hurt to reinforce in our children the need to ask: “Is it kind? True? Necessary?” But he suspects that “we can’t make people nicer. So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He advocates the strengthening of laws against Internet irresponsibility, arguing that the specter of being sued is the best weapon to slow down malicious gossip.

Can you imagine being sued for what you say online? That seems like an invasion of freedom of speech, but hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The Merit of Gossiping

To me, the most interesting part of the article was the section with quotes from Professor Susan Hafen**. She argues for gossiping:

In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,” says Dr. Hafen. “But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn’t be able to tell any jokes.”

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn’t “kind” may be a way of “avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”

That last sentence quoted is what I struggle with – keeping my mouth shut and letting other people get away with irresponsible behavior. No matter how hard you try to communicate your concern, it can still be perceived as an attack to the person, rather than a discussion of their actions (or lack thereof).

What do you think of the article? Are you going to ask yourself “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Are internet laws against gossiping appropriate? Is there merit to gossiping? Do you think you need to cut back on gossiping? (please comment on what particularly interests you from the article!)

Overall, I can say I gossip much less than I used to, and that is a direct reaction to the work environment I entered in December of 2008. But, there ARE people who irk me the wrong way, ALL THE TIME, and boy, does Steven get to hear it. I make a conscious effort to try to say some nice things about them from time to time as well, but yeah, not all the time. I am going to start asking myself the three questions.

Bonus Question: Have you ever tried to remain neutral when with a group of people who are gossiping?

I have. You don’t say anything and they get VERY upset. It makes them feel bad. I’ve been in this situation a lot.

*From George Washington University Law School.
**A professor of communication at Webster State University in Ogden, Utah.

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By kilax, January 6, 2010 5:40 am

What’s better than arriving home to a fresh cooked meal?

Nothing, really.

When I arrive home and Steven has a warm dinner on the stove, ready for me to eat, I feel like a pampered princess.

Do you like it when someone else cooks for you? Whose cooking is your favorite? Or do you prefer to make your own food?

Last night, Steven made a modified (because we were missing a few ingredients) version of Anna’s (newlywednewlyveg) Black Bean Fiesta Soup.

Here are the original ingredients, crossed out with what we substituted. Check out her site for the full recipe! I hope you don’t mind that we changed it up a bit, Anna!

• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 3 clove(s) garlic, chopped
  
• 1 tsp. olive oil
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1 1/2 T. Dried Red Pepper, 1 1/2 T. Dried Green Pepper
  
• 1 4. oz. can green chilies, chopped 1 1/2 Tsp Dried Jalapeño
• 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp. chili powder 1/4 tsp. Ancho Chili Powder and 1/4 tsp. Chipotle Chili Powder
  
• 1 tsp. cumin
• 1/8 tsp. turmeric
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. lime zest
• juice of one lime 1 Tsp. Lime Juice
  
• 3 2 15. oz. cans black beans, drained and rinsed
• ADDED: 1 15 oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
  
• 3 cups 2 cans vegetable broth
  
• 1 15 oz. can corn
• ADDED: 1 15 oz. can diced tomatoes
  

Also, our favorite cornbread made a guest appearance. It went deliciously with this soup! I recommend trying the soup (either the original or our version). It was so tasty – perfect for a cold evening, and not too spicy!

Crap. I better be careful. I don’t want to turn into a food blogger. Stop making such tasty eats Steven! (no really, please don’t stop)

Time for another meme! Ayla (dainty vegan), Leah (why deprive), Kim (Adventures in Wanting) and Trayn Harder all gave me the Happy 101 award. Thank you! I am supposed to list 10 things that make me happy. Making this list was fun (I could have kept going past 10). I think I could do this everyday! Give it a try! Click “more” to read on.

Continue reading 'A twist on Anna’s Black Bean Fiesta Soup / Happy 101 Meme'»

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By kilax, January 5, 2010 5:04 am

Whether it’s good or bad, is it a honor or burden to be the “first to know” news?

I have a friend who tends to confide in me with news before she tells anyone else in our circle. For example, she told me she was pregnant well before she told anyone else. And I was honored! But then when she told everyone else, I had to pretend that I didn’t already know. And since some people were not happy to know the news (I know, AWFUL) I had to deal with that as well.

It’s not that big of a deal when the news is good, but now the friend confided some news in me that is others will not take so well. I admit, I am saddened by the news, but am looking at how it benefits her in the long run, so I am happy for her. Sorry to be vague (you know how it is).

So again, I am honored that she sought me out and told me first, but now, I feel somewhat burdened. I know this news, and have to wait for it to come down the pike. I have to orchestrate my reaction when I receive it from other people so it doesn’t seem like I already knew.

Maybe I’m just over thinking it.

Have you ever felt burdened by knowing a piece of news before everyone else did? Or do you find it exciting and wait for the day when the person makes the reveal?

To whom do you first tell YOUR news?

I first tell my news to… my mom. Yes, it’s true. I tell all of my BIG news to Steven first, but I call my mom to tell her I got a great deal on paper towels, made a really good wrap for lunch, am excited to see her… okay, maybe those things don’t count as news!

Comments (43)

By kilax, January 4, 2010 5:19 am

Ha. I had two posts written for today. The first one was a rant on some article I read yesterday and it made me sound crazy. I decided not to use that one and wrote another semi-rant that made me sound bitchy.

Pause.

I must have been in a weird mood yesterday morning. I decided to table those for another day when I have more time to think and am not writing in the “heat of the moment.”

Do you write your posts ahead of time? Or are you more likely to write and immediately hit “publish”? What’s your blogging style? When do you blog?

I generally write all of my posts ahead of time (except for the random “spur of the moment” posts) and schedule them to be published in the morning. I even work on my Sunday training recap post throughout the week so I can publish it after my last workout on Sunday.

During the week, I write posts in the morning or evening train ride. Sometimes I write 2 or 3 at a time. Sometimes I just write them the night before. On the weekends, it’s more sporadic.

And I usually DON’T censor myself! But I have a hard enough time communicating as it is, and if I go back and read something and it doesn’t make sense… then it is not ready to publish! We’ll have to see if I ever use those!

We figured out what to do with the leftover Vegan “Meatloaf” – Vegan “Meatloaf” tacos! I kept joking to Steven that we should make them, but he kept saying no. Then he was too sick to argue so I made them and he LOVED them. Ha!