The Kind Diet – the importance of putting yourself first
This is part of a series of thoughts and reviews of Alicia Silverstone’s book, The Kind Diet. The first part of the series is the General Review. Check out this recent interview with Silverstone on the Wall Street Journal! I love that she says she wants her book to be non-judgmental. And she gives her Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup recipe at the end of the interview! Also, Silverstone and Michael Pollen will be on Oprah today! Wish I could watch it!
So, right there, on the second page of the first chapter of The Kind Diet, I knew I knew I was going to relate to Alicia Silverstone’s philosophy. How so? Well, she caught me with this statement:
So this [the Kind Diet] is about treating yourself like a total goddess and putting yourself first.
And you deserve that kindness, my friend. I used to equate having self-worth with being selfish, but now I understand that taking care of myself is the most beautiful thing I can do. And quite frankly, I can’t be a good actor, I can’t be a good wife, friend, or mother (to my dogs)… I can’t be a good anything until I’ve taken care of myself first. So this kindness to yourself is paramount.
I figured this out when I was considering changing jobs just over a year ago. So many people gave me their opinion on what I should do, and when listening to them I realized not everyone had MY best interests in mind. So I had to put myself first and do what was best for me. When I did, I instantly felt happier, even though I did struggle with feeling selfish.
And of course, this first and foremost applies to health and fitness! Later on in the book, Silverstone talks about “losing her way” and what happens when she forgets to put herself first. She talks about having an endless to-do list and the shortcuts she takes to save time… scarfing down food, skipping exercise, not journaling. She eventually crashes, realizing she’s lost her way. Sound familiar?
To find her way again, Silverstone remembers to:
- make clean, healthy food
- sit down while she eats
- take a deep breath and say a prayer of gratitude before eating
- remember that she doesn’t run the world, and then cut her to-do list in half
- restructure her time to put herself first
She says:
I know you have a million excuses for not taking care of yourself. It’s easy to feel pulled by the ball-and-chain of the to-do list. But if you don’t stay centered by doing the basic things, everything and everyone in your life will pay for it. I know it may feel naughty to acknowledge (even to yourself) that you are putting yourself first, but think of it this way: A mother must eat good food to produce milk for her baby. There are no shortcuts there. So be a good mother to all the beings and creative projects in your life by taking care of yourself first. Know that when you lose your way – and you will – you will always be able to come back home.
I thought long and hard about this Monday afternoon when I was walking home from work. I had had a HARD day. I was feeling really low, and stressed out. I wanted to skip my workout. I wanted to go home and go to bed. I wanted to eat to comfort myself. This is a little bit different than when I wrote about falling into a funk. This is dealing with stress and feeling extremely overwhelmed.
Then I remembered what I read. I remembered I need to put myself first. And for me, that means taking care of my mind and body.
Even though my to-do list is a mile long at work and ever growing, that is NOT my life. I don’t need to think about work when I am at home, or working out, or first thing when I wake up in the morning. I need to think about what is best for me at THAT moment. So I went home and had the best evening I could.
It’s liberating.
What do you do to make sure you put YOURSELF first? Do you ever struggle with it? Do you relate to this at all, or do you think I am going cuckoo?
Themocracy
I have definitely felt very guilty when it comes to putting myself first. In trying to pursue my yoga teaching career- I’ve cut down dramatically the hours I work at the day job I hate (waitressing at Denny’s- not really a cool place for a vegan!) I only work 2 days a week there- and teach 4 classes a week at the moment. I realized that I had to put myself first- and take the time I needed to focus on being a student… because without that- who the heck am I to be teaching others?!? People at work make comments all the time, that make me feel badly about my choices- but after over a year of doing both (4-5 days waitressing, and teaching 5 classes) I just had had enough and was forgetting who I was and why I wanted to do this stuff in the first place. As someone that stresses out easily about money and stuff like this it was really hard to give up the easy money that waitressing comes along with- but I don’t want to get sucked into that life like so many others! I want to teach.. and sometimes doing what you love means taking risks! Long story short- you have to have some sort of ritual.. be it with yoga, working out, whatever… and even when you really don’t want to do these things- more than half the time when you actually make yourself do them, you feel better anyway! I’m a firm believer in what you put into something is what you get out of it!! Lets all put ourselves first 🙂 Great post- lady!
Good for you for making the decision that was the best for you! It sounds like you will be much happier in the long run. And sometimes, we DO have to make monetary sacrifices to be happy and really do what is best for us.
Interestingly, your comment made me think of a story in the Feb. Self about a woman who hated teaching college and quit her job to work at a Co-op so she could focus on writing! There is something for everyone!
oh this post is absolutely lovely . . . and perfect timing for me . . . I am definitely CHAINED to my to do list at home and at work
thank you for sharing 🙂
I CAN’T wait to get my hands on this book – it sounds amazing. A few years ago I was pretty confused and felt guilty when I put myself first. So it wasn’t a surprise that I ended up with an eating disorder and hated myself. My family helped me a lot and made me realize that I deserve to be happy but also that I have to take care of myself. It was a really long journey but I’m at a great place now. I can’t imagine a life without happy / silly things anymore and think it’s really important to nourish our body and soul with positive things. Even though I sometimes have down-days I make sure to have one highlight per day. It can be a great breakfast or watching a film with a friend.. All these small things make me happy.
It’s great that you listened to your feelings and did what you wanted to do.
I bet we all can relate at one time or another.
It easy for me to put myself first because there are no children to worry about around our house.
My husband and I are a team: we put each other first most of
the time.
It makes it easy putting your self first when you have someone
to remind you to do it.
I think you know this is something I struggle with quite often. But it is true that a person needs to take care of themself so there is something there to give to others, even though that is hard to remember and put into practice sometimes.
I completely agree that you need to put yourself first & I don’t think that’s being selfish at all. I feel like the way you treat yourself if reflective of how you treat other people. I don’t think you’re going cuckoo 🙂
Fortunately, I already acknowledge I am a total goddess and always take care of myself first. 🙂
A lesson I learned a long time ago that I’ve lived by ever since is that you can’t fix every problem and you can’t make somebody else responsible for your happiness. From there, everything else just kind of fell into place for me. It sounds like Alicia Silverstone is on the right track… you can’t really care for another person until you first care for yourself.
LOL. Your comment made me think of how this book seems to be geared towards women. I guess that is my one gripe!
I think a lot of people don’t get the “you are responsible for your own happiness” bit. Hmm. That reminds me of a Friday Question I wanted to ask…
That has been a new realization for me. I used to be the person that moved everything around and go way out of my way to get something done for someone else… then it came to my wedding and all those people that I went out of my way for, didn’t even bother show up to my bridal shower the morning before the wedding… and that really hurt.. sure I understand it would have meant paying an extra night for the hotel but paid 3 extra nights because of the activities they had planned for their wedding… non the less I realized… I come first and I should always put myself and husband under stress to do something or be somewhere.. Now my life, husband and schedule comes first… I hate to sound like a b** but the reality hit and it hit really hard.
You aren’t being a byotch – I am on the same page. I have done so much for others and gotten nothing in return (not even a thank you) so I am kind of just DONE with those people. I cannot belive your friends didn’t go to your shower. Guess I shouldn’t call them “friends.”
One of my bridesmaids skipped picking out the bridesmaids dresses because she “didn’t feel like driving” after I offered her a ride. It really hurt my feelings.
this is def a book i would like to read. i love the message already. glad you are reviewing/reflecting on it for us. i totally agree, but i think it also takes some creativity and compromise, especially if there are literally places you have to be all the time or people you have to take care of (i’m thinking ahead to when i have kids). so it has got to be partly in the attitude itself and not just the practice. i think your example is a great one– making decisions that then in turn spiral UP instead of down. i know exactly the “liberating” feelign you are talking about and hope to have it as often as possible 🙂
Good point – we need to put ourselves first, but remember that it is not always easy.. especially if you are a parent! I cannot imagine the challenges they face!
Oh can I ever relate to this! Quitting my previous job was something I had to do to take care of myself. The environment was toxic and every day I was coming home unhappy – and I knew it wasn’t just affecting me. I definitely still have to tell myself I am not being selfish for taking care of myself though – for most of high school + college I was feeling pressure to not only “take care of” my future (by doing well academically + saving up money for myself), but also to take care of my family because they were struggling financially. I put so much stress on myself, and if it weren’t for sharing it with Chris in college I don’t know if I would have been able to free myself from it. He helped me see that the responsibility I felt wasn’t mine.
Oh gosh. I take on “mental responsibility” for all sorts of things I don’t need to.
I am so happy you got out of your toxic job. I know someone else who was in a situation like that, and leaving was instantly better, even though it made life a bit harder.
It’s possible that I’m just really selfish, but I don’t have a hard time putting myself first. I give a lot to those around me, but I am the first one to excuse myself for a hot bath, to take a trip to Vegas with the girls or to go out on a long run. Especially since having kids. If I don’t take care of myself it really reflects on the type of mom I am.
I think mothers are the most likely NOT to put themselves first, and I am so happy to hear you have managed to figure it out. I worry that my own mom still is stick in the “putting others first” mentality. I wish she would focus on her own happiness!
I struggle with this all the time. I tend to take care of the pet and the hubs before I take care of me. I try to take a few minutes each day for myself but, it does not always work. My mom gave me some shopping money so I can go out and get some new clothes but, I keep thinking of what I can use the money for….car repair, dog food, cat food, dog classes. I am working to get to the point where I can take some time and money for me and me alone.
Such a great post! I completely agree with you and Alicia that you do have to put yourself first. And when you do, you actually feel better. I have been in a whirl wind lately with my job and have tried to not take the stress home with me. There is no use worrying about it when all my body & mind needs is a little break. My biggest thing is to not skimp on the things my body really needs (good food and excersize). As you already know I have been struggling with both things a bit since I have been working abnormal hours. But once I did take some time for me I felt a million times better!
Love this post. I agree. I am a better wife/mother/friend when I am taking care of myself. I needed this reminder today so thank you!
heh.. i’m pretty darn good at putting myself first. too good, some might argue 😉
You know, when I think about it, I don’t have much trouble putting myself first anymore. I really do take the time to care for myself and do what I want (maybe too much…is that possible?). I do make sacrifices for work or family or Lawrence, but I am #1, and I feel less and less shame saying that. I make sure I eat what I want and need. I make sure to do yoga if I want, or go for a walk. I give myself manicures and pedicures, as necessary. I get movies from Netflix that I enjoy and curl up with those…or with a book. I’d say I’m pretty kind to myself, actions-wise. I can be hard on myself in terms of internal verbal criticism (“you’re lazy” or “you need to work more on your writing” or whatever), but I try to take care of myself first and foremost. I’m no good to others if I don’t.
There is no shame in that, and exactly for the reason you mentioned – you are no good to others if you ignore your own wants and feelings!
I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. I often will bail on work outs and just lay on the couch even though working out will likely make me feel better. I hate that I do this but it’s an old habit I am slowly trying to break.
Keep working on it! You’ll get there!
I struggle with this too, but notice that if I put my workout gear on, and grumpily go to work out, I will instantly get into it!
I’ve almost always put myself first so do I struggle with it? Nope. Yes, I’ve gone through periods where I feel selfish but making sure that I’m happy is too important to push aside. Happiness makes life more enjoyable and makes you more of a joy to be around. =)
Wow, we really DID have the same Monday. I hate thinking about work stuff outside of work or in dance class or when trying to fall asleep. But sometimes it’s hard not to do.
I took one night off to curl up on the couch and whine to my husband. But last night I went to two back-to-back exercise classes to deal with the stress more actively.
I don’t have any problem putting myself first and I don’t feel guilty about it.
Love the snowshoe header!
I can honestly say that I’ve never had an issue putting myself first, and I don’t think it comes across in a selfish way (although maybe I’m not the best person to ask ;)). I mean, I give time to my family, my friends, my job and all the usual suspects, but I’ve also never had an issue taking time for myself, going to see a movie, watching a TV show I’ve recorded, going to dinner with my husband or settling in with a book or a stack of magazines. I make most of the food I eat and I work out several times a week. I have no idea why I’m like this since I feel like most people struggle with the balance, but I’m not complaining.
You’re making me want to read this book more and more! Next time Im out I am totally going to pick it up.
As for putting myself first, Im about to sound really awful. lol
I have always been a very selfish person. My whole life my parents have said “Leah, the world doesnt revolve around you” and I tell them “I know that, but that doesnt mean I dont think it SHOULD”. So putting myself first has never been an issue for me, its kind of been a given.
The problem for me is putting other people on my list. Im not good with sharing, or with doing things for other people if its not something I want. Im absolutely in the wrong job for me right now (reception/office manager), since my attitude towards just about everything is “do it yourself”.
lol told you I was going to make myself look bad. Oh well – its all true!
As someone who has just had a really sucky day, its nice to read this post. She’s right-We should start taking better care of ourselves.:)
I try and practice yoga as often as possible to get my mind cleared and back in a more positive mind frame.:)
Hi Pauline! Thanks for commenting! I have only recently begun yoga, but love how relaxed it makes me feel. I hope you are having a better day today!
(it’s casey, by the way. i totally left out the “s” above) i will have to check out that book. putting yourself first is difficult. i’m struggling with that now.
I saw your comment about post secret. yeah, totally depressing. those people didn’t need post cards, they need hugs. though maybe it felt good to get it out of their systems.
Hi Casey! Thanks for commenting! I love meeting new running bloggers 🙂
Some of the Post Secret stuff made me feel sick to my stomach or just utterly sad. I guess I am just avoiding it now.
Yes yes yes! I always put my family and myself first. They are the most important things to me in this world so they come first. People do think it’s crazy but they aren’t living your life so how can they judge? You just might inspire me to do another related post!
Hmm, I don’t know who(m?) I put first. Usually, I feel chained to my to-do list, so maybe not always myself. That said, I’m pretty selfish, so I probably do put my own interests ahead of others’ more than I think I do…?
The “Kind Diet” sounds interesting; the principles sound similar to those in “French Women Don’t Get Fat,” though maybe it’s less elitist! I’ll have to check it out.
I definitely like it better than French Women Don’t Get Fat although that was a fun read too! Maybe I should use that for my next giveaway. 😉
Yesterday, on Oprah, Alicia Silvestone was on talking about the Kind Diet and showed some of the recipes – they looked really good! They also talked about the movie, Food, Inc.
I heard about this book a week or so ago from someone tweeting. I made a mental note to check it out … then forgot! Yesterday I turned on the tv while I was lacing up shoes to head to the gym, and Alicia was on Oprah. She is very relatable, I was instantly hooked. I ordered the book online … and like all Oprah things it was #1.
I am so excited to read it.
Hi there 🙂
I just ound your blog and i have to say its totally awesome! I am a huge fan of Alicia Silverstone’s and Im so glad that she is putting out such a posative message about veganism. She is such an inspiration. Whenever I get too stressed or in a funk I have to work out! If i dont i go bananas! But when I work after school sometimes I cant make it to the gym and i get in a bit of a funk.
Anywho I cant wait to read more of your blog!
Hi Michal! Thanks for commenting! I feel so much better when I work out too. And I hate feeling stressed and leaving it to the end of the day. I feel so much better when I can get it in early!