Focusing on the wrong things?
Do you ever worry that you are focusing on the wrong things in life? Like you’ll look back someday and say, “I wish I hadn’t wasted that year worrying about ‘fill-in-the-blank’ item.”
Sometimes I think I am. I wonder if instead of focusing on health and fitness, I should focus on fostering relationships and furthering my education. I wonder if I give things more importance than they deserve. I wonder if I am too uptight about my priorities. I wonder if I am missing out on the bigger picture.
I feel happy, at least!
Maybe, right now, all I can do is focus on what’s in front of me. Maybe that will change.
Themocracy
I have to remind myself to relax, to not be so serious, and to remember the important things. Blogging helps with that sometimes because when I start to write out what I am obsessing over, I realize how silly it is!
I think you need to ask yourself why “fostering relationships and furthering education” is something that you feel you should give more importance. I mean… why do they seem like they should be more important to you? Is it because you truly feel as though they are more important- or because others around you are telling you that they are? If you are passionate about health and fitness- then your right to focus on them. And without our health.. none of these other things would make a difference in the first place! My thought is that this bigger picture that we are all searching for is supposed to be a long tough journey. If it was easy then it wouldn’t seem that important to us. If you are happy, healthy, and focused on something.. anything- your moving forward and in the right direction!
Thanks for your positive and encouraging comment! I didn’t think of it that way – I need to be healthy to make those things (and many others!) happen! I feel like I do have people who expect me to do a lot more with my education. I worry that I let them down, when really, I want to take it at my own pace. But feeling like I should work on relationships comes from within. I live far away from my family and being around them this weekend makes me feel like I should make more of an effort (I always feel this way when I am here!). I will just keep trying!
Its hard to choose which thing to worry or think about! I know the feeling! Sometimes I look back and wonder what was I thinking! There is no way to get rid of worrying, so I try to take it in stride and keep it in check.
I am queen worry! I try and stay present and not be in the past or the future. I can try and plan but obsessive worrying doesn’t support me.
I think it’s normal to question the direction our lives have taken us, but if you really do wonder if you should have spent more time on education and/or relationships then maybe you should do some thinking about why that is and what you could do now to change it. The education might be a little trickier but I’m sure there’s room in your life to foster relationships without detracting from your focus on health/fitness. It’s all about balance and every day is a new balancing act, for me anyway:)
Right now, in my 40’s, I look back at myself in my 20’s and think I was really wrapped up in my own stuff, oblivious to a lot going on around me, and busy wasting a lot of time and energy on things that ultimately don’t matter. I wish I would have been happier with myself back then, been more adventurous and said yes to more things more oftenI
In the first half of my 30’s I was completely absorbed with taking care of my three small boys and really lost sight of myself. It took a major wake up call to make me realize that I had to invest in myself more, and from that point on, I slowly took steps to move in a new direction, which included going back to school.
Since I turned 40 a few years ago, I feel like I have started to come into my own, even though I have a ways to go on a lot of things.
Maybe it’s normal, the doubts you’re having, related to the life phase you’re at. You are much more self aware than I ever was, but don’t forget to appreciate the beauty of your amazing self right now – you’ll be glad you did when you turn 40!
Thanks for your insight, I needed that!
I think sometimes you can’t know what your priorities should have been until you see the consequences of having them wrong (or right).
I’m glad you are feeling happy though, that is something that is given way too little importance by most people. I think ultimately your priorities can shift and change as time goes on because no one stays exactly the same constantly. It doesn’t make sense for priorities to hold you back from doing something else, you can always adjust and change and decide each day what it most important to you right then. Balance in life is hard though. It is easy to SAY, but hard to put into practice. (at least for me)
Focusing on what’s in front of you sounds like a good plan. I’m pretty sure your relationships aren’t doing too badly…I’m a big fan of women can do it all, just not all at the same time 🙂
I don’t always listen to myself, but it really is pointless to say “if only.” I guess that’s pretty much the same thing as saying “I should be doing something else right now” … living in the moment sounds like the best plan!
<3 <3
I tend to worry way too much about what is going on around me with other people than the stuff that I should be worried about. I’m a fixer and caregiver by nature and I keep forgetting about myself. No more!
I think if it’s all in balance that focussing on health and fitness would inpire you to focus on other goals (since you will be feeling good, feeling confident, etc). Sometimes I tell myself the old saying, “You can have it all, just not at this exact moment.” That helps me just tackle what’s in front of me.
I don’t really worry that I am focusing on the wrong things, but I feel frustrated that it isn’t possible to focus on more things at once. My priority right now is my health, and that requires a lot of time and commitment. To say yes to my health, I have to say no to some things that might feed my brain or my emotions.
Don’t discount that you have strong relationships with your husband and Data and your family. One of my friends who is a runner joined a women’s running group and she enjoyed being able to run and socialize at the same time.
I think that is how I feel too – frustrated that I can’t do more at once. Spend my evenings working out, and studying, and socializing. Ha! A running group is such a good idea 🙂
YES – I feel like that . . . but who knows what is right and wrong anyways?!?!
well just the fact that you are thinking about it shows that you are able to shift your focus as necessary! i think it’s a constant process or re-prioritizing. it also has to do with people around you and what they need/want and the state of the world bigger and smaller, what we are caught up in and if we can/will/do spend time/effort evaluating ourselves and how we spend our time and if its making us happy.
ps- new header?! i love it!!! tell me that is an old fam photo??? and the car plate is “maniac”??? hehehehe. i totally agree with the contagious enthusiasm camp 🙂
That is one of our old family Christmas photos! I love the license plate too! 🙂
I think when you question what you’re doing with your life right now and you’re not sure if it’s the right thing, that’s when you look to make a change. But, from what I know of you, you love focusing on fitness. You love spending that time with your husband. And you have nurtured relationships because of your fitness focus (think of blogging and all those running blogs you read). So, you are doing more than you think. And if you’re happy, don’t knock what you’re doing. It’s all good!
I second the thought that you need to be happy in order to take best advantage of those other things you feel you may be missing out on.
It’s important to keep balance in mind and not be completely consumed by something like working out, but I don’t think that you’re any where near that point.
You’ll have the next 40-60 years to add to your education and certifications, and you’re still making progress towards a professional goal by simply working and learning – I know that the daily grind of work doesn’t feel like progress, but it is!
Yep, I sure do. Sometimes I focus on the immediate issue not seeing the bigger picture. I think that It is a trigger response and a self protection method.
There is a saying- “worry gives a small thing a big shadow”. I think of this when I get to over-thinking and processing. Do what feels good now. Be a good person. Keep listening to your gut. There are no wrong turns.
Sometimes I wonder if I am focusing on the wrong things, but then after time has gone by I wish I had focused more on certain things. I think it’s all a matter of perspective. And really we shouldn’t regret. Some things just seem important and probably are at the time. I am trying to always be posative and be in the moment.
I think if you’re happy, then you’re focusing on the things that are right for you right now. Our priorities shift and change as we grow and time marches on. If you start feeling unhappy, maybe then it’s time to look to where in your life you’re feeling unfulfilled. But if you are happy with where your relationships, your education, your life is at the moment, then I see no reason to worry if you’re spending enough time on them…
I am constantly stressing over the smallest crap. For whatever reason I can take the big things that come my way but the little things make me insane!
Well I am dealing with a personal crisis right now..rock bottom abiliity with physical and mental and financial …but regret is a waste of time…acceptance is the importance thing.
I’m like Christina – obsessive worrier. If I’m not worried, I’m worried that I missed something I should be worried about. Life! Can’t explain it.
i don’t feel i am…but i know my parents are thinking that i am.
their evidence?
my going to the gym multiple times (although once my mom was like, i’ll take you , coz if it’s importnat, i’ts important..)
signing up for crossfit classes (why can’t you just do it at ucla?!)
not getting on the volunteering boat faster, not figuring out my life already…(med school sis, pharm school sis,…then there’s ME.)
so meh.
I try to not worry about the little things and focus on the big picture. I think ultimately we should be doing things that make us the most happy
I like the fact that you are happy – that must mean you’re headed in the right direction! It’s really hard to see the bigger picture at times, so I think one day at a time works (for me).
I’m a big overthinker, so I ALWAYS wonder if I’m focusing on the “wrong” thing. I don’t really think there is a right or wrong though. Are you happy? You said you are. That, really, is what’s most important. There is so much chatter about what we SHOULD focus on, but everyone is different. It depends on your passions. I’m a very internal person so someone telling me to “focus on relationships” always feels a little intrusive. I like my relationships, thank you, I don’t plan on joining a bridge club to create more. If there are interests pulling you, explore those. If you’re happy as is, no need worrying about it.
I think balance *is* hard. But, if you’re happy then I think that’s one of the most important things!
As I’ve gotten older, and especially in the last year or so, I mainly focus on being happy and doing the things that make me feel that way. So far that’s included concentrating on my marriage, keeping close ties with important friends and family members, traveling, indulging in pop culture fun, cooking/baking, keeping my weight in check and laughing as much as possible. The big picture, for me, is that someday I will die. So will the other people who are important to me. So dammit, I’m going to eat that cookie, go see that movie and take that trip. It’d be great if there really is a heaven where some god or whatever hooks us up with whatever we want in the afterlife, but the only thing guaranteed is what’s happening right now.
I usually try to make a set of goals and constantly evaluating them to make sure I am still focused on my goals and or if they need to shift and change. If I look back to 5 years ago for instance and say.. I should have focused on x vs y, I remind myself that at the time when I evaluated the situation it was the right situation. That’s whats called experience…
you know, i think if what you’re focusing on right now makes you happy, THAT’s what you’ll look back on and be satisfied with. i mean, maybe you feel like you SHOULD be concentrating on something else right now, because it’s a “should do” – but when you’re 70, are you going to care that you did all the things you “should have done,” or will you care that you spent your life being happy? 🙂
I think that you can focus on ALL of those topics, one shouldn’t be limited to what they should make a priority in life. Health, fitness, relationships, education.. work on it all. Besides if you weren’t healthy and fit, then it would be harder to focus on your loved ones and education.
I look back and think that every single year. want to make this one different.
I think about this all the time. Being in college, I’m always torn between spending quality time with family and friends and enjoying these years, or focusing on school. It’s hard because school is really important to me and I want to do well, but I always think about how it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things if I get an A or a B. To make sure I’m focusing on things that are important to me I always reflect after every semester, did I study too much? Should I have gone out that night instead of doing the reading for class the next day? etc. It’s a work in progress I guess..
Good question! Yes, I have been guilty of focusing/worrying about the wrong things. In fact, I used to worry about so many things. Part of my depression recovery was to learn how to take things one day at a time. That is what I do, and that is all I can handle. I do have a few long term things, but once they are in place I no longer give them my attention, until the time gets here. If I try and attempt to focus on more than one day at a time, I will get stressed and frustrated and lose sight of what I am trying accomplish, and forget to be satisfied about something I accomplished for the day.
I think health and fitness are very important. Not for the purpose of being thin (which used to be the case for me), but for living a longer, better life. Without your health, what do you have?
Now, it isnt the ONLY thing of course. If you want to further your education you absolutely should. An education is NEVER a bad thing to have. Ive always believed its the one thing that no one take away from you. Probably why Im so bothered by my lack of education.
Put some thought into what really makes you happy, because in the end, thats wahts important. But I find it hard to believe you will ever regret being healthy.
Feeling happy is the best feeling in the whole wide world! 🙂
I think about this all the time! I get caught up in grad school mentality and then stop to ask if this is really making me happy or if there’s something I would prefer to do. I don’t have a good answer yet, unfortunately.
As long as you are happy (and, I think, healthy), good for you! That’s what is important. (Though, arguably, a lot of people blow off important decisions and shirk responsibility to “be happy.” And I think that’s crappy. But I know you don’t do that!)
I need to think about this—I so focused on work for 6 years that now to focus on health it is like a part-time job. I get SO focused that everything else falls short. I need to figure out how to balance.
All.the.time.
I think especially now, as I am getting ready to turn 30 (I need to give myself a dollar for every time I say that phrase in the next 4 months), I look back on my 20’s and realize how much time I wasted worrying about my weight/body image. Even when I told myself I wasn’t – it was always there. I want to go shake my 20 year old self. 🙂
That’s the good thing about getting older, I guess. I’d like to think we stop wasting (as much) time worrying about those silly things – ya know?
Yes, I do worry a lot about my focus being on the wrong things. I am distracted a lot and it’s hard to stay focused and I end up getting involved in a mindless task or project. But forcing myself to get back on focus is even harder. I have to tell myself a lot that the end result is worth staying focused on what I want/need to do is helping some. I can tell I will need more time.