The first to know
Whether it’s good or bad, is it a honor or burden to be the “first to know” news?
I have a friend who tends to confide in me with news before she tells anyone else in our circle. For example, she told me she was pregnant well before she told anyone else. And I was honored! But then when she told everyone else, I had to pretend that I didn’t already know. And since some people were not happy to know the news (I know, AWFUL) I had to deal with that as well.
It’s not that big of a deal when the news is good, but now the friend confided some news in me that is others will not take so well. I admit, I am saddened by the news, but am looking at how it benefits her in the long run, so I am happy for her. Sorry to be vague (you know how it is).
So again, I am honored that she sought me out and told me first, but now, I feel somewhat burdened. I know this news, and have to wait for it to come down the pike. I have to orchestrate my reaction when I receive it from other people so it doesn’t seem like I already knew.
Maybe I’m just over thinking it.
Have you ever felt burdened by knowing a piece of news before everyone else did? Or do you find it exciting and wait for the day when the person makes the reveal?
To whom do you first tell YOUR news?
I first tell my news to… my mom. Yes, it’s true. I tell all of my BIG news to Steven first, but I call my mom to tell her I got a great deal on paper towels, made a really good wrap for lunch, am excited to see her… okay, maybe those things don’t count as news!
Themocracy
Here I thought you were about to announce that you’re pregnant.
But, yanno, paper towels are cool too.
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Ha.
Ha ha.
That is probably the most unlikely thing that would ever come out of my mouth.
It always used to be my mom but since I’ve been with Mike I definitely tell him big news first. Then I still call my mom, but she’s been bumped to second. 🙂
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Definitely is Chris now. Before that? A girlfriend that I can’t really talk to anymore :-/ My parents have never really been the ones to go to. No harm with it though – when you’re not used to it anything else seems weird 😉
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I know the feeling!! I’m oftentimes confided in first, and it’s hard when everyone around me is talking about the situation without knowing the actual results. Its awkward acting as if I have no idea.
My mom is the first one I’ll share news with if it’s a “I need advice” peice of news. If I need someone to be excited over the news, I’ll go to one of my close friends or my sis. 😀
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I’ve never minded being the one to find things out before everyone else… I actually mind more if I don’t find out!! I have a zillion nieces and nephews, and I can’t remember a single time that I was told that one of my sisters or sisters-in-law was pregnant. I always had to figure it out on my own. Yeah, it didn’t take me very long, but still — I’d definitely rather be “in the loop.”
As for who hears my “news” first… I have no idea. Not like I have so many earth-shattering things happening, but — this may be hard to believe, since I “talk” nonstop on my blog — I’m actually rather taciturn.
<3 <3
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I’m sorry you’re in an awkward situation. That’s never fun.
I share my news first with either my husband or my mom…depending on what the news is and who I can get int touch with first! But regardless of the news, they will both know withing minites of one another.
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Perspective is everything, so let me offer you this: at least you’ll eventually be able to share that news with the people you know. A LONG time ago, my grandmother confided some news in me that, if I’m smart, I’ll never tell other family members. You see, my grandfather was a smoker (though he quit cold turkey when he was in his 60s). Eventually, he passed away from lung cancer. My grandmother told me and only me (because I’m the one person in this family who hasn’t ever smoked) that his cancer was a rare form NOT related to smoking. She only told me because she wanted all the others to be scared into not smoking any more (or ever again for that matter). Talk about being burdened with information … though, in this case, it’s information I’ll gladly hold close to my heart.
Usually, when I find out something before everyone else, I remind myself it’s not my story to tell. And if others are upset I found out first, I remind them that it’s not their story to tell, either.
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I share all of my big news first with my hub (of course), but next in line is almost always my sister. I was the first person (other than her husband) whom she told her pregnancy about, and I was honored!!
Hope it all works out…sorry that you’re feeling burdened; that’s no fun 🙁
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I’m sorry you feel burdened right now. That is really sad!
When someone tells me something first I am usually honored but since I am terrible at keeping secrets I feel pressure like I need to make sure I don’t accidentally say something about it and I agree with you, the pressure to react correctly when the news is finally told is difficult too. It is great when someone trusts me enough to confide in me, either good or bad news though.
At work I’m sometimes the first to know of stuff and when I finally hear about it through the grapevine, I may say that I already knew. I don’t try and act like I didn’t know and I’m surprised. But it can be a burden to know first.
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I’m sorry that you feel burdened by knowing first. Unless your friend has specifically asked you to pretend that you don’t know the information when she reveals it, I don’t know that I’d worry too much about pretending to be surprised. There’s importance to holding her secrets if she wishes, but she’s shared it with you first for a reason, and I feel that your other friends would likely understand and respect that. (I hope that makes sense, it seems a bit ambiguous to describe.)
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I pretty much always tell my news first to Mike and then to my Mom.
(pst. my new years resolution was to start blogging again…)
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I think it’s probably bittersweet- being the first to know. Either way, clearly you’re a trusted friend. I don’t really tell my big news to anyone in particular. Maybe my sis?? I’d like to say that I tell the bf first but that’s probably not true. He’s not enthusiastic about little things–like sales, etc so sometimes I leave him out of news. That’s sad. Oh well, that’s what girlfriends are for.
Sorry you’re feeling burdened.
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I used to know that feeling when I hung out in circles of women, but now my close friendships don’t overlap so it isn’t even an issue.
My mom is always the first that I tell. 🙂
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It depends on the news. Sometimes, I just don’t want to know much less be the firsts to know. Other times, I am glad that I know first.
I typically share news with my husband and good friend before moving on. sometimes it is my mom too, but it depends on the news, My mom has a tendency to blab.
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I hear you on that.. I had two friends pregnant at the sametime due a week from each other both told me and asked me not to tell anyone else.. so when they both started showing and found out the other is pregnant I had to play the oh how cool that you are pregnant at the same time.. but then they both asked me why didn’t you tell me so and so is due around the same time as me.. we could have shared stories.. grr.. can’t win.
My big stories are always told to Raymond, but after that its my mom and dad depending on the nature of the news.. if it is an awesome recipe, found, pregnancy or wedding mom but if it is school job related then both at the same time.
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I also go with the “already knew” route. It’s no secret that people tend to confide in someone they are close to before making certain things public. It’s just how things go. And the burden of “knowing”, oh, that can really weigh you down. I had a pastor confide in me (it was a mess). It was so bad that now my personal rule is to NEVER become personal friends with my pastor!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
I think it is a bit of a burden to be the confidant. It can cause a lot of stress to hold a secret, especially when it’s something that affects you emotionally or causes you some kind of disappointment or pain (even if it’s on the other person’s behalf). I’m not connected to a huge circle of friends. I tend to be close to people who have separate groups of friends, so they usually confide in me, knowing I don’t know their other friends. It’s fine because I can usually talk to Lawrence or another friend about it (since nobody knows each other). This is starting to sound confusing, or like high school. Ha. Anyway, you are obviously a very trustworthy person and your opinions are valued, which is why people share with you. That’s great! If it starts to weigh on you at all, I would just talk to your friend and tell her your boundaries.
To answer your question, my mom used to be the first person I’d share with. I learned when I got married that this wasn’t 100% healthy for my relationship. I was telling her things about my husband, for example. I’ve had to tweak some of my patterns, with the knowledge that my husband is really my family now. If it’s big life news (new job, moving, etc), of course I tell my parents and a few select girlfriends, but Lawrence is my main go-to 🙂
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I don’t really like being the first to know for the mere reason that I have to act surprised when the person finally releases the news. Your friend should do you a favor and say Kim was the only person I told, because I needed her support.
My big news goes first to Steve, then to my mom and so forth. Here’s a question for you, if your friend tells you in something in confidence…is Steven still allowed to know?
LOL, I told the friend I would keep it a secret except from Steven!
It really depends on the info being shared. I’ve had to hold secrets for people and while I was honored to be trusted with the information, sometimes it has effected me very deeply and I’ve wanted to process my own thoughts/feelings about it but could not.
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Yikes….that is an awkward situation to be in. 🙁 On one hand, you feel honored that the person told you first, but then I personally don’t like the pressure of keeping secrets! I will keep a secret if told to, but it’s just not my strong point.
I’d say my “person” is either my mom or my middle sister. Don’t know if they like that or hate it!
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agreed with you in your email– cupcakes will always be in. some people do them for their weddings even!!!
i guess i would consider it an honor b/c you are obviously trustworthy and a compassionate listener. i consider myself those two things as well and i think this is what prompted me to pursue mental health as a profession b/c it is an interest to me — therapeutic relationships, etc. but that said, it is hard when the person doing the “telling” isn’t maybe the most clear-headed, responsible, or long-term thinker type of person. in those cases it can definitely be a burden how news has a widespread effect and knowing in advance all the consequences is tough. additionally, sometimes you do have a responsibility to break the confidence… i think the cases that i would share the burden would be if real harm was going to come of the news and i could do something to prevent it. but you know you always get those “game” questions like, would you want to know if your spouse was cheating on you? would you tell your friend if you found out her husband was cheating on her? would you tell so and so x. etc etc. i think i would always rather know and i’m not sure if i would always rather tell.
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I tell my boyfriend everything first. He’s never as excited about things as me, but he’s the first person I think of when something good happens.
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I always tell my big news (and most of my little news) to my husband first. Or, if I find something out at work, I tell my fun office buddy. 🙂
Have you ever talked to your friend about how it makes you feel when she tells you things first? Maybe she doesn’t fully realize that she sometimes puts you in awkward situations. On a positive note, at least she’s telling her news personally and not letting everyone know important things by posting them as Facebook statuses.
I tend to feel burdened when people tell me things even if I’m not sworn to secrecy! Especially when it’s something “bad”. I never know if I should tell people or not. Even Jason. I guess I don’t really tell anyone “first”.
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I feel the same way. One should always feel honored if a friend finds you trustworthy enough to hear the news first.. yet at the same time, knowing not-so-great news can be hard to carry. My mom is also one of the first people I tell all my news too.. usually. I have a few people that I’m super close to and it all depends on who happens to be near me at the time.
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oh yeah, that can be rough. eesh. at least that means you know you’re a really good friend!! 🙂
Hubs gets my news first, and when I get others’ news (such as the recent preggers news of one of my sisters) I often feel a little awkward, because I know I’ll have to downplay it later, when everyone else finds out… and I don’t play things down very well. 🙂
DID find out today that the pregnant one is giving us ANOTHER nephew. I told her send it back. No, really.
🙂
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Hmm.. it depends what the news is on who I tell first. Its probably usually my boyfriend or my parents.
I feel like I have similar experiences to you. Its really an honor to be considered trustworthy but sometimes its just too much weight on my shoulders, too big of a secret. I usually end up telling someone that doesn’t even know the person/doesn’t affect them at all just so I can get the weight off.
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hahah yep you totally deserved teh award! =D i know. it’s sooo amazing to be like I”M FUNNY! PEOPLE LIKE ME! =D
and hmm. re: news. i think itell my buddies and MAYBE my mom. =D
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I DEFINITELY like to know news first. I pride myself on being awesome at keeping secrets even to the point of telling white lies to avoid telling the secret. I don’t know what my deal is haha.
I guess I tell my fiance my news or my best friend- I don’t have a lot of news though haha. At lest not “secret” news.
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I am so with you! I tell my mom first and then MAYBE my husband second. Sometimes my brother takes precedence over the hubby. I don’t think I feel burdened but honored. I guess it depends who it is! But I love to be the first to know in any case. 🙂
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I guess I tell Harrison all big news first–unless it involves a present for him, in which case, I obviously keep my mouth shut.
I know what you mean though–feeling burdened by hearing news first. Fortunately, I’m not a very good listener, and I ‘m also a blabbermouth, so this doesn’t happen often. 😀
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that’s quite a burden that your friend placed on you! it’s totally cool to be the first to know something and have to keep it a secret until they are ready to share with others, but oyu shouldn’t have to pretend you didn’t know afterward!
i tell my husband first, then my parents, then my husband’s parents….
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Well you are very valued as someone that your friends can trust and turn to for love and support. This is amazing! You are such a great person 🙂
It does sometimes put extra stress on you, I do understand that. Sometimes I wish they just kept it to themselves as I usually lose sleep over it! LOL
Great post love
XXOO
Well the one instance I’m thinking about where I knew something that others didn’t wasn’t a very happy situation. I was angry about what I knew and furious that it was a secret at all. It all came out in the end but it was a very stressful horrible time for me. (back when my parents were getting divorced)
For me, it really depends on what the news is and who I talk to first lol. Most of the time I tell my boyfriend things first but other times I tell my parents first or a friend.
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I have three best friends and whoever answers their phone first, gets to know first.
I recently had a friend tell me some news that she hasn’t told anyone else and I was honored that she felt she could tell me.
Being in HR, this happens to me FAR too often. It is very hard sometimes to know things that will affect people’s lives and have to keep it all inside. I have an awful poker face and am a terrible liar so keeping secrets is super hard for me! (I usually end up telling stuff to my mom too, because I figure she never knows the people involved and it makes me feel better to tell SOMEONE!)