Realization: I can’t do it all/have it all
It seems like I am making a New Year’s Realization instead of a Resolution. Ha, ha… ha?
I keep putting myself on ridiculous schedules because I think it will help me out, when really, it just hinders me.
I have to STOP doing this. I have to.
Today is a perfect example. I am having lunch with a coworker and I also want to get a run in. I obviously can’t do it during lunch time anymore, so it would probably make sense to do it in the evening. No, that makes TOO MUCH SENSE, let’s get up at 4:30 so we can get to the office gym at 6:30 and put 6 miles in before work! Then, you get to run, see your friend for lunch, AND spend quality time with your husband when you get home!
It sounds so perfect when I write it all out, but Steven can tell you which one of these things doesn’t happen. By the time I get home, I am so tired from getting up so early that all I want to do is eat dinner and go to bed. I try to “relax” (how does one do that?) by sitting on the couch watching a movie, but I just feel exhausted.
And I keep doing this… why? It’s like I want to prove to myself that I CAN fit it all in to one day – working out, lunch with a friend, time with Steven, 3 hours commuting and 9.5 hours at work.
I can’t do it all. I can’t have it all. I have to prioritize. I have to be flexible/less rigid with my schedule. Ugh. I just need to learn HOW TO RELAX.
Friends, I have been fighting this for a long time. It’s what causes me to get burnt out and give up. I don’t want that to happen anymore. I am sick of yo-yoing with my weight, and really, with my life.
Do any of you ever feel like you are doing this to yourself? How to you stop/slow down?
Themocracy
It’s a good question. It has to be a decision. You have to really want to slow down and to live a different lifestyle. Believe it or not, if you keep making the same choices there must be some benefit in it for you. Try to find out what the advantage is of keeping this kind of a schedule (i.e, does it make you feel productive? Does it keep you from having to be still and face what is in front of you?) and dig deep to consciously make the shift. It will feel VERY uncomfortable at first, as all change does. But if you really want a more relaxed life that’s what it’s gonna take. Not easy. I give you credit for recognizing what’s not working and trying to make some changes. Good luck!
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Awww…this post made me sad, because I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I teach classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I cram EVERYTHING into those days– class prep, grading, etc., so that I can have the other days “off,” but then I spend Tues. and Thurs. running around like a giant, flaming ball of stress, and the other days, I’m worried about Tuesdays and Thursdays!! Ugh.
I’ve gotten better about forcing myself to slow down, really look at my schedule for the week, and figure out when doing work will make the most sense. Still, it’s definitely an uphill battle.
Just remember– no one is perfect…and the people who love you don’t expect you to be.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Don’t Phunk With My Black Eyed Peas =-.
I can definitely relate. And especially to the whole try to do it early in the morning thing – it works out until you do get home and want to pass out. I think it’s really a balance. Maybe you work out more intensely on the weekends when you have more time? Or just chug the coffee? Lol.. thats usually what I do. Not healthy I am sure. I think its great you are realizing what is the problem tho. Hang in there – I think it will get easier to relax and to balance it all. It’s just about finding the right combination for you.
I think the answer is right there in your post – you have to pick two out of those three things. You have to make choices. If you want to have lunch with your coworker, it will mean that you either go running after work and don’t spend time with Steven that night (which is not the end of the world occasionally), or you don’t get in your run that day and c’est la vie. Getting up at 4:30 is not actually giving you more hours in the day… it’s just making you tired earlier! Hope I don’t sound too bossy but honestly the answer is right there in your post; you have already recognizing that cramming it all in is not working for you.
I run into this issue only when I work late. If I come home at 9:00 p.m., I still feel like I need several hours of reading or other “me” time; I can’t just grab a bit and go to bed.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Lounging =-.
oh my gosh- the story of my life! I actually just went 75% time at my full time job so that I could have a little more down time. Between working full time, teaching 6 classes at the gym/week, taking care of Josh/frank, blogging, etc etc…things were getting more than out of control
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I so can relate to this post. I had the same realization last march that I can’t do it all. I always wondered how others do it… looking at friends facebook pics and status saying they had a good run now time for girl night I would wonder how do they manage… I realized a- half of them are single… so no worry for the hus or bf… or b- don’t have a hobby/charity/ etc that they are invovled in. So I made a rule… We don’t answer our cell phones from the minute we walk in the door and our families know this so if they call it better be an emergency or work emergency. I don’t give up my morning work out for anything. I plan on meeting friends on our OFF Fridays. Good luck finding the balance for you it is definatly a challange but you can DO IT!
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Well, it’s great that you recognize that your current schedule is not working out for you. And I think you right, prioritzing your schedule will help out greatly. Running is great for your health and for your body but not if it’s going to burn you out in the end. 4:30 am is so early! I’m not saying give up running or having a social life, but def don’t be afraid to do it at other times of the day or week. Whatever works for you!
Wow….this sounds kind of like me, but without the commute time!
I think this is one of the hardest things for me in life – time management. I feel so committed, and when I’m not busy and/or making money, I just feel incredibly guilty. Like it’s a waste. But it’s not! I have to stop thinking about it like that.
I think it’s important to be selfish a little bit, too….ya know? Some people might think it’s selfish to choose working out over lunch with a friend, but if I can see that friend another time soon and working out will help clear my mind, that is okay. It’s helped me to realize which friends I can see in groups, too, to kind of make it easier on all of our schedules.
I hope this New Year gets easier for you….I wish there were a simple solution! It sounds like just being aware and WANTING to change how things are will make a difference.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Gone Too Soon =-.
very insightful! you have a 1.5 hr commute each way????????????? i think you said that is time you can be on the internet, right? or read a book? but as far as “sheer time” that is a huge chunk. i would look at things you can change and things you can’t. if you can’t change your commute, than you make the most of it (tho it sounds like you have– the driver knows you etc?) i suggest becoming an evening fitness friend 🙂 it best fits my schedule and if for some reason i wake up with enough time to do something in teh morning i might have a double workout that day, or just do yoga at night or just yoga in the AM. or nothing in the AM. sleep really breeds relaxation and if that is what is suffering then i suggest try a week where you sleep more and workout less. focus more on things like yoga or quality time– with steven or by yourself or with a friend. see how you feel? i did this over the period when i was sick and have since been amazingly calmer. i lost some weight, have stopped eating as a way to unwind after work, and found that time itself isn’t the issue so much as TRUSTING that everything you want/need/should/could/think about … ALL THOSE TO-DOs… WILL get done. let each day happen.
so easy for me to say, right???? i’ve been “calm” for less than a month. lol. i’m usually high anxiety, and actually i still have trouble sleeping. but see where/when you feel your best. and def try to sleep more. it is somewhere to start!!!! because we all need somewhere to start.
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haha, well part of this is easier for me since getting up at 4:30am is SO NOT AN OPTION. i mean, so very, very, very not an option. i struggle to get up at EIGHT thirty, so… haha yeah, no. that simplifies things a bit, but i don’t really recommend “become lazy” as a life solution 😉
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ugh I am so bad at this too! I’ll get mad at myself when I don’t get as much accomplished as I want to! But lately exercise has been the one thing to go when time runs out. I’m really trying to get myself back on track with it. But it always seems like there’s never enough hours in the day!
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Don’t over-extend yourself! I’m sure that Steven would appreciate seeing more than your eyelids in the evenings. 😛
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I think it’s pretty cool that you set your goals so high. Your obviously a pretty driven person which I think is a super great thing! 🙂
I am writing up a post almost identical to what you are going through. Talk about being on the same page.
I have so many personal projects, videos, blog posts and many other things that I have going on at the same time that I am having trouble staying focused. For me, I have all these ideas and thoughts, yet I don’t spend the time doing all of them. Or I do all of them at once and get overwhelmed.
I have been struggling to find a way to get back on track and better manage it all. Identifying what’s wrong is the hardest part. I think once it’s been identified, managing it all will be a challenge, but with the weight lifted, it should be possible.
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Yikes – that is so rough. You are juggling a ton! The only thing I can really think of is maybe working on meal planning and incorporating more slow-cooker or weekend prep meals for the week. Hope you get some rest soon though!
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Again, you make me feel guilty. I dont have the commute or the 9.5 hour workday and still cannot manage the run and quality time with the spouse. Oh jeez 🙁
.-= Author’s last blog post… Yeah, I Totally Didnt Run Today =-.
But I don’t have a kid! That is more than a full-time job! 🙂
Hmm. I approach things more on a weekly basis rather than day to day. It helps give me more flexibility on when I fit stuff in. Prioritizing & letting certain things go can be hard but it keeps my days more manageable.
.-= Author’s last blog post… Solstice =-.
I know how you feel. Sometimes I get really irritated thinking how much time I actually spend sitting down at home and relaxing. Then when I think about how much time I spend at work, it makes it even worse.
I deal with it by not going out ever during the week. lol I know it makes me sound like a total hermit, but I to the fun things on the weekends, during the week I just dont have the time.
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Ugh, that is a lot to cram into one day. Just remember that you’re still doing a lot every day (a lot more than I am, anyway).
Can you try not planning and scheduling your day? I think sometimes it’s good to roll without a plan, that way you don’t feel guilty if you don’t “check off” everything on your list.
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I run myself ragged all the time thinking I can do everything and be everywhere for everyone. It just makes me exhausted and cranky. I have no idea what to do to fix it either. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day (EVER!) to finish what I have set as my goal each day. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to do that I exhaust myself trying to figure out what to do first. I end up wasting time that way because while I am trying to prioritize things, time slips away.
Good luck figuring this out. I don’t have a commute like my husband (and you) does but I am on duty 24 hours a day for my own kids and then 36 hours a week for my daycare kids. It all adds up to not enough “me” time and not enough couple time either. I got the P90X for Christmas and trying to squeeze in time for that this week was killing me. Finally I told myself that it isn’t going to make myself more healthy to stress out over doing something good for myself. I took a break and figured I will do it when I have time and it is better than never doing it, right?
Anyway, this is all off subject, but I feel stressed/overbooked too and I am not sure what to do about it. Hopefully we can both figure it out soon! Life is supposed to be fun too, not all work and scheduling! I seem to be not so great at relaxing or doing fun things because they don’t seem “important”, but they really are. I think both of us need to remember that!
I hate coming to this realization. I like to be busy and accomplish as much as I can, but sometimes I really need to tell myself to slow down. I think what helps me do this is making to-do lists Sunday night for the week. This shows me that I actually have a lot of time throughout the whole week to accomplish what I want and I don’t have to do everything all in one day. I also really try to make my to-do lists realistic. The more lists I make, the better I get at knowing what I can handle and what I can’t.
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I know exactly what you mean with this one. I get so attached to my schedules, trying to fit in everything in this perfect way. I hate, hate, hate the idea of “prioritizing.” When someone suggests this to me, I scoff. Prioritize? NO, I shall fit in EVERYTHING, thanks. Except, well, that doesn’t keep me sane 😉 Sometimes, I really do have to sit down and figure out what’s most important to me. The kicker is that what I WANT to be most important often isn’t most important. I have to get real with myself and come to terms with the fact that I can’t do everything, so what’s going to make me happy and mean the most to me when I’m old and gray? Sometimes, what I want to be most important is my career, for example. I feel like that’s the “right” priority. But, often, what really matters to me most is time with my husband and cats 🙂 I’m a big fan of lists so I’ll often sit and write what takes priority in my life. There are always trade offs, and I think the less stressed and upset we get about this, the happier we’ll be. My kooky massage therapist said that discontent in life comes from being attached to things. I get so attached to the way I want things that I have a hard time enjoying day to day events. It seems to be about letting go…
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I say good for you for being bothered to squeeze in a workout. When I get busy, always the first to go. I like the ideal that one reader offered–plan out by the week, not daily. Happy New Year Kim!
.-= Author’s last blog post… 2010 here we come! =-.
The last two days of my vacation all I could think about was all the stuff I had to cram in when I got home. That’s no way to “relax”! I wish I had a magic wand, but mostly I feel just like you.
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