Fat Influences
According to the article “Lose the Weight: Are Your Friends a Fat Influence?” in the January issue of Women’s Health, our friends’ health decisions have a huge effect on us. So huge that the World Health Organization has listed them as a determinant of health, having as big of an influence as genetics and income level.
When I read that, I thought “Ha ha! That doesn’t affect me!”*
But then I started thinking outside of the realm of the article – about how my eating changes when I am around family. Then it hit – holy crap… their habits do affect me. When I see someone eating more, I feel like I should eat more too. When I see someone with a full plate, I feel like my plate should be full. It’s just an automatic response for me.
The article says that:
Consciously or unconsciously, people look to others when deciding what and how much to eat, and how much weight is too much.
Part of the reason we’re so easily swayed may be hardwired. Gregory Berns, M.D., Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and economics at Emory University, found that when others influence us, the area of our brain that makes conscious decisions is not activated. Instead, the occipital lobe, where vision originates, lights up. Translation: We focus on what we see other people doing (like biting into a cupcake), not what we know is right for ourselves (biting into an apple).
So, our brains are working against us. I can believe that. I know that I often feel like I need to eat, when I am really just “fake hungry” and looking to fill some other void with food.
And unfortunately, I could relate to this:
In some cases, we may even seek out relationships that allow us to indulge, says Susan Bowerman, R.D., of UCLA’s Center for Human Nutrition. “Many women have ‘food friends’ they can call up to say, ‘I had a lousy day and some fried mozzarella sticks sure would make me feel better.'”
I had a “food friend” in college. I could pig out around her and not feel bad. Unfortunately, it didn’t have to be after a “lousy” day. It was often a weekly date!
Of course, the article mentions that this influence can be beneficial as well – your friends’ good habits can rub off on you. And in the end, it is your responsibility to make your own decisions about food, no matter how hard that is.
Ugh. It is hard. But it’s important to learn how to live in the real world and not some imaginary safe place in your head. As private as we want our food consumption to be, it really isn’t in our society.
What do you think about the article? Do you feel like your friends/family influence the way you eat? What are your tips for dealing with “fat influences**”?
*Mostly because I don’t have many friends to hang out with!
**Their term, not mine.
Themocracy
I hang out with my boyfriend more than I hang out with anyone else and he can be a major fat influence sometimes. Whenever he is eating it makes me feel like I should be eating too and it makes me hungry! The thing is, sometimes he’s the opposite. Like when I get “fake hungry” from seeing a trigger, he’ll point out that I just ate.
Back in like middle school I had this one friend who I would hang out with all the time and all we would do was eat.
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Yup, so happens to me! When I see my family eating I want to eat too of course!! I just ask myself if I am really hungry or if I just want to join in.
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Peer pressure does not end in high school, as they say… and eating is such a social activity that it’s hard NOT to follow the cues of your companions. But to me, then, it becomes a “chicken / egg” scenario: you’re following them, they’re following you — who is following whom?!
I guess the trick is to imagine that everyone really IS following you, so you can just do whatever YOU want to do.
<3 <3
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Yes I totally agree with the article. My best friend and I became quite distant after I became a vegetarian because she was not accepting of my choice. She said she was but then she’d always complain if we were cooking together or looking for restauraunts to go to, so I kind of stayed away from her for a bit. Things are better now though, back to friends!
oh man, YES. just last night i was at my boyfriend’s parents’ house and they served each of us the BIGGEST EFFING portions of dinner. i was at a table with 4 huge boys and still felt compelled to “keep up” with how much they were eating.
I think that joining in the blog world has really made for positive influences on eating habits – and it’s encouraging for me because my family really does not eat healthily by choice and isn’t open minded about food in general (no trying new things, no veg/vegan experiments (this Christmas visit to my Dad’s being an exception – maybe I’m a good influence to them now?)). The only thing that does drive me nuts is reading posts about bloggers eating less than I would eat in a normal meal – and then them complaining that they will need to work out for hours to make up for it (yes, I’m exaggerating). What’s important for me is just reminding myself that *I* know what works for me and for my body, and that what others are doing around me is not always that 🙂
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I think it’s because someone else “doing it” (having dessert or eating too much) validates us and tells us that we’re not so bad after all because, based on what is happening at that moment, it’s the norm. It’s really so complicated, yet so simple . . . and either way, it’s a struggle!
Yikes this is such a major issue for me. When I visit family my healthy eating goes out the window! My parents eat very different from me and I always end up partaking in old habits when home. Definitely something I need to work on!
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My friends and family definitely influence the way I eat. Like you, it’s not so much friends now but family– I definitely indulge more when I go home, because I don’t get to go home very often. I can almost “feel” something click and change in my mindset the minute I walk into the door. Something along the lines of “Ohhh, these calories don’t matter. Just have fun this week!”
I’m trying to get out of that mindset, because it’s no fun returning after a trip home and feeling bad (emotionally or physically).
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I can so relate to this. I have been thinking about this very issue lately. I eat lunch with a co-worker and she eats FAST… she is done with her plate of food in matters of minutes. I have noticed that when I eat with her I tend to eat faster than normal and then I end up with indigestion or not feeling so great after lunch. The problem is how can I nicely say… I don’t want to eat lunch with you any more because you eat way too fast ?!
I agree with Kristie. I think of the blogging community as a source of positive messages about food that counteract the messages we receive from the media, co-workers, and sometimes family that encourage us to eat unhealthily.
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I think the eating habits (or just regular habits) of people definitely affect us. As I recover from anorexia, I find that it is helpful for me to be around women who are healthy eaters, without crazy dieting mentalities. I would love to think that I just have the strength in myself to ignore diet-speak, but I think it’s human to be affected, to some extent. I try to connect with people who appreicate food and are conscientious about their food choices (without being nuts…haha). On days when I’m having trouble eating enough, I do look to my husband as an example of healthy eating. I see him eat a few cookies and I think, “Ok, I really shouldn’t feel bad for the one I just ate.” I think we all do this…
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I think it’s true! We’ll eat pretty good here at home, but when we go visit family, we eat horribly. We started WW after a friend did and we all went on vacation together. I really wanted to eat delicious vacation food (REALLY wanted a funnel cake at Silver Dollar City), but felt like everyone was judging me by what I ate. It was like a first date all over again.
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Kim, I just read this article last night. The second quote you included–the one about seeking out relationships that allow us to indulge–really struck me when I was reading the article because I know I have done that. In fact, as good as I feel about my current eating/health habits, I just did that this past weekend, catching up with an old friend at our favorite restaurant and overindulging in that meal.
ha! I would think the same about it not affecting me because…well…aside from my family, I only have a few friends I eat regularly with! But I do think this is true. My family, for the most part, is very positive. We do get into the crap load of sweets at times (and my mom looooves us kids to eat them all!), but for the most part I would say they are understanding of how I eat.
Friends are a little tricky, though….I have about 1/2 of my friends who eat really healthy, and the other half eat a lot of sugar and sweets. I get roped into the “I don’t want to make THEM feel bad for eating XYZ, so I should, too!” and I need to stop doing that. If I want a cookie, I should eat the damn cookie. But not because I think it’d hurt someone’s feelings if I didn’t. 😉
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I’m at home right now, and I’m having a very hard time eating as I normally do in my apartment. It’s upsetting because I feel like my pants are fitting tighter already but that I’m unable to really get back to my normal habits while I’m away.
I do have a “food friend”, but fortunately, she’s also my running buddy. That helps a lot!
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my inlaws all have eating problems (too much, too often, too unhealthy) and its hard to be around them. my hubby can be the same way (obviously, he is bred from the same stock). I know I’m worse when I’m with them, but I can handle it. What I worry about now is my daughter … and how she will be affected growing up in a family that cherishes food above all else. They already cannot stop talking about giving her french fries and pastries, and she is only one 🙁
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In high school I always had a certain girlfriend that I would go to for pig outs and in college I had a few different ones. Its all about who we feel comfortable bingeing around or eating bad for you things. I know I’ll eat more if they are eating more, and less is they are eating less. It is very influential. Now, if my bf wants dessert, I do too. Its hard making positive choices.
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I totally agree with this. My family eats relatively healthily, but I still found that once I moved out, it was way easier for me to eat properly. My dads big into snacks, so he’d be eating chips and would offer them to me, so I’d take a handful. Then another handful.
Oh, and in response to your question, my moms dog is STILL not over it! lol the first time I came back over with Lexie after I moved out she was choked. She thought shed finally gotten rid of her. And if my mom talks to Lexie, or anyone plays with her, my moms dog sits there and growls. Shes a grumpy old dog!
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I agree with the research article, for sure!! I also believe it can be avoided or at least limited in its impact though. I think once we realize that it effects us, we have the ability to say “nope, not going to let it happen.”
Of course, that being said, if it’s an occasional eating out with less-then-healthy friends, it’s not such a bad thing. But if it’s routine, we might try to not let the influence be so powerful. 😉
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I agree with this article. I think I have realized this a little and being aware of it has helped minimize it’s effects. I always feel like I ate better when I’m alone or at home than when I’m out with friends or at college. For example, at home I can have a desert when I really want it, where as at college sometimes all my friends will be like oh I really want ice cream lets go! and I’ll be like oh good idea, even when I’m not really in the mood or hungry. There are definitely people that I feel more comfortable eating a lot around and others that I don’t.
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I read that article! Unfortunately.. I believe it to be WAY too true. Ugh. Until I read it, I didn’t realize that my eating habits do, in fact, change depending on who I’m with. One of my good friends could actually be labeled as a “food friend”. I love her to death but being around her usually means my healthy habits go right out the window. I’m hoping now that since I’m aware of the influence she has on me, I’ll be able to keep true to myself.
At first I thought no, doesn’t change my eating habits … but then I thought about what I order with different friends. And yes, it does change. With friends who order burgers and fries I am more likely to do the same. With my girlfriends who are ‘healthy’ I tend to order salads.
Great post and question
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I can definitely relate to that article! I realized that my parents have a very indulgent attitude, mainly because they’ve been athletic all of their lives and used to be able to eat whatever they wanted! I on the other hand, can not. So I’m much, much more willing to eat craptastic food when I’m home with them. There is also a feeling of safety at home, where I know I can eat whatever and they’ll still love me 😉
I’ve recognized this and am trying to change it because I’d rather not associate home with an out of control food frenzy! It’s been a big change over the past few years – both at home and going out to eat, regardless of who I’m with.
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Sweets is a terrible food influence in my life. Before dating him, I would eat dessert only on special occasions. Now? It’s a must or he gets grumpy. Ugh. =)
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My cousin and I are terrible influences on each other!! It’s like the instant we get together the only things that are said are “Oh yes, we should definitely get the chocolate cake AND the cheesecake for dessert!” And “$300 for that purse? You should totally buy it even though you already have another neon pink purse you never use at home.”