Socializing at Office Holiday Parties
My office’s holiday parties are this week. That’s right, parties, as in plural. We have a team lunch at a restaurant on Wednesday (there will be 6 of us), a floor potluck on Thursday (about 100 people), and the company party on Thursday afternoon (about 300 people?).
I don’t worry too much about the food and drinks. I know I will be able to get a vegan meal at the restaurant (I called on Monday to check) and I will bring my own food to the potluck and not have anything at the other party. Really, the point is to have fun and socialize.
And that is what I worry about, a bit. I know I will be fine socializing at the team lunch and floor potluck, because I know people. But trying to navigate the company party and talk to people is difficult. And I’m not shy! I’m pretty friendly and open, and am rarely at a loss for things to talk about*. I just have not mastered the art of joining a conversation already in process, and since our company has a lot of groups, that is a lot of what the party is. I aimlessly wander around, trying hard not to stick with just my group, but struggle to break into conversations with the few people I do know outside of my group…
There was actually a great article about social anxiety in the December issue of Women’s Health containing a lot of tips about interacting with strangers/coworkers. One of the best tips (which is not in that link) was on how to break away from a conversation, by saying something like “There are a few other people I’d like to say hello to. I had a great time talking to you. I’ll catch you later.” That is definitely something I’ve been trying to figure out how to tactfully say! If you’re not careful, you’ll be talking to the same person all night!
The other tips (actually in the link) were to “play mind games,” “try a new tactic,” and “work the room” (I guess you’ll have to read it for those to make sense!). But the tip I needed wasn’t there – how to join a conversation that has already started.
Are you attending any Office Holiday Parties this year? Do you look forward to them or dread them? Do you ever feel like you have a hard time breaking into a conversation? What are your tactics? Have any tips for me?!
*This could be seen as good OR bad.
Themocracy
Mine is next week- I work in a middle school and many of my co-workers still acts as if they are IN middle school. As much as I honestly do not want to go and dread it completely…I always end up having fun because I stick to the people I enjoy being around.
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Oh, I was supposed to leave a tip! I would advise that you look like you are having fun, regardless of how you feel. Just smile and make conversation. And always use needing a drink or the bathroom as a way to get away for a few minutes. Then just take a different route back when you are finished.
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I think its great that you want to leave the safety of your own group. Just start by saying something generic or funny about the milieu. Or, you can offer a compliment to someone in the group you want to converse with. It’s hard to just pop into a conversation without feeling judged or self-conscience but the point it, you’re actually putting yourself out there to socialize. If it’s a company party, you all have at least one thing in common–your work.
You’ll do great.
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As you know, I have a unique situation so any work party I attend would also be a personal party. This reminds me of the time I got drunk at a work party, flirted with the bosses son, had sex with him, then fell down drunk in the middle of 57th street, New York.
The lesson? Never drink too much at a work function. 😉
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If the conversations already going, listen for a while and find a place to insert a comment. Also, I meet a lot of people just by walking up and saying hello, introducing myself and saying something like, ‘I don’t think we’ve met.’ I usually try to pick someone who is standing around looking as lost as I feel. It makes them feel better, and you can end up making a new friend. When you leave, you can always say, ‘It’s been really nice talking with you, but I see someone I need to have a word with. Hope to talk to you again.’
I’m a total gomer at this too. I tend to just stand to the side of a conversation in progress staring at people until I find a spot that I can contribute, which doesn’t really work. I’ve always wondered how people who just naturally work a room do it.
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Multiple holiday parties? That’s kind of cool. I work for a small, small company (less than 15) so we just do a luncheon but I know everyone so it’s no big deal. I have, however, been attending other holiday parties this year and in terms of breaking into groups, well, I usually ask the person how they know the host or became friends (obviously won’t work with work parties) but perhaps find someone who knows someone in the group and have them introduce you? That has worked for me in the past! I have definitely used the line that you quoted to break away from a group before and everyone is understanding and gracious.
Good luck with the parties!
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I think you should get ice breaker questions (they sell them as cocktail party gifts). Walk up to a group, have someone in the group choose a question and then discuss. It could be a fun, albeit cheesy, way to meet some new people from your company!
I’m attending two office parties: Mine in January and Sweets’ later this week. Both will be small (approximately 20 people). I’ve met most of the surgeons Sweets works with, as well as the nursing and administrative staff for the department, so I’m not too worried about that party. And my party? Meh. It’s a bunch of middle aged guys with their wives. I’ve been working with all of them for 10 years. For better or worse, it’s really not all that exciting.
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We totally have three parties too. Today is the last of the three. I should have made smarter choices about what I brought today, but I ummm just didnt lol.
I have the same issue of sorts when it comes to the social interactions required at events like these. I usually wind up sticking to who I know. The company CEO came up to me at the Holiday Party (the one at the hotel, not to be confused with the Happy Hour or the Potluck) and I totally did the deer in headlights thing, and I’m not shy! I just had no freaking clue what to talk to him about.
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We have one Christmas party, a lunch with about 10 of us, then the afternoon off to shop. No danger of getting drunk. The company I used to work for before did it big every year … and there was always someone who over-enjoyed, including me 🙂
This was a great post! I have the worst time working a room. I have no idea how to insert myself into conversations or even introduce myself to folks I don’t know. If someone gave a class on that I would totally take it! LOL
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We don’t have an office party. Thank god!
Whew… no office party for me!!! Luckily!!! I don’t think I could handle it… the stress, anxiety, mingling…. all of that!!! Good luck to you!!! I know you will end up enjoying yourself!!!!
=^..^=
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Since I’m self employed I don’t have an office party (unless the dog and I want to do shots together on the couch). I go to my husband’s party each year and I do love it. It’s a chance to dress up and be with him without kids. Small talk is not my favorite, but a glass or two of wine helps with that.
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oh my goodness, what timing!!!! i JUST wrote about this at the end of my post today. my party (singular, lol) is tonight. and it is NOT vegan friendly. i asked the older wiser vegan what he will be doing and we kind of laughed it off at our meeting yesterday… “guess we will starve” gahh. i’m going to eat before hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and get drizzzzunk. lol j/k. i hate socializing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM shy 🙂
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Not a fan, I just don’t network well at all. So I find these draining and painful. However, it’s a necessary evil…
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We typically have a office lunch. My boss works out of our east coast office so we don’t do anything fo the holidays. Sadly my company has a front office back office cliques so people just get their food and go to their groups.
I am not going this year since it is on Friday and I work from home on Friday and have a deadline for a project.
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We were going to go to our University Christmas Party (themed “Vegas Baby!”..hilarious), but we got so busy wrapping up the semester that we completely forgot about it! On the night of the party, around 10:00, we realized that we’d completely missed it! Whoops 🙂
I do get slightly nervous in big party scenes, but I usually just try to find three or four people that I feel comfortable with at the beginning of the party…and then I wait for the “wine effect” to take over– after a glass (or two), I’m usually much more comfortable talking to strangers or people that I don’t know very well.
Have fun at the parties!! I’m sure you’ll have a great time!
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I totally had to do this last week at a party I got invited to last minute. I only new one person attending and didn’t want to cling to her all night. So, I walked up to a group of people, noticed that two of them were wearing name tags that said Lisa, waited for a pause in the conversation and said, “Hi. My name’s not Lisa but do you mind if I join your conversation anyway?” They laughed and we started talking. It was hard and scary but the world didn’t end. I find that being a little self deprecating can help break the ice.
Our office party is Thursday afternoon/evening. Thankfully it’s a small department so I don’t worry about not knowing who to talk to.
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Oh, I dread the holiday socializing! My latest post can attest to that! I’m not really shy, but I’m very quiet, so I tend to get talked over and I end up feeling really awkward and uncomfortable. I’ll have to check out that article you linked to. Question for you: How do you handle the fact that your food preferences are different than others’ food preferences? I have a hard time feeling confident in the way I eat (vegetarian/almost-vegan). I worry about seeming weird or rude in social situations involving food. I wish I could just bring my own dishes or eat before/after and be done with it, but I worry and stress way too much about what people think. Anyway, it sounds like you have a good gameplan and I have no doubt that you’ll be fine at the company party. Thanks for this post!
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I will have to check out your post! I hate getting talked over. I am not quiet either – some people are just rude. I find myself interrupting when I shouldn’t, but I feel like I will never get to say anything if I don’t 🙁
To answer your question, if I am comfortable with the person, I tell them flat-out what my eating restrictions are, and offer to bring something. I don’t feel bad telling coworkers that I will not eating something because it has meat/dairy/eggs in it. I know it bothers them some times, but why the hell do they care? Now, when I was with a client last week, I was more discreet – no point in mixing up my personal views with business.,
Overall, I just lay it out there, if I think it will come up. I don’t broadcast it, but I don’t want to catch people off guard. 🙂 Most people want to learn more or challenge themselves to make something for me.
How has eating vegetarian been going for you?
I’d like to think that with co-workers, you’ve interacted with fellow party attendees before, so even if it’s small talk about work, you can still get started. Jumping in on already ongoing conversations is a challenge, tho, I agree … … I’m facing a lot of social anxiety challenges nowadays because I’m trying hard to go out and interact with Springfield Twitterers (or Twits, teehehe), and when in small groups I’m pretty okay… but at the two tweet-ups I’ve been to with over 15 people, yikes! Bad enough hubby and I were among the later arrivals, but in addition it really felt like few people bothered to include us strangers in the already existing conversations 🙁 Of course, it doesn’t help that hubby and I are both rather quiet and certainly not social butterflies … at least, not among strangers and large groups! :p
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We had our office party last Thursday night at a great German restaurant. I really enjoyed myself because it was a sit-down dinner and I knew everyone there (I work for a small company). I guess my good time depends on the crowd at the party. I definitely have social anxiety so if it’s a large party and I don’t know a lot of people, I can be pretty shy. But if there are lots of people I know there or some I know and lots of friendly other people, I’m OK. The worst is when you work for a stuffy company (like the last one I worked for) and you really have no interest in talking to a number of people there.
Oh gosh, I suck at breaking into conversations. My office party is on Thursday night, but I usually have my lil group and I guess I wait for people to come up to me. I can easily go up to someone if they are by themselves but if they are in a conversation with other people, I probably wouldn’t have enough courage to break in. Wow, that sounds so lame. Let us know how it goes!
First of all thank you for the comment!! And congrats on losing 20 pounds!!
Second, I now work for a small company, makes office parties less stressful. But I used to work for a bank. Those Christmas parties were HUGE. I solved the awkwardness by drinking a LOT. Not as good of an idea as it sounds let me tell you. One year my brother had to come pick me up from the side of the road because I went hysterical and refused to go anywhere with anyone.
So I wouldnt suggest liquoring up.
I’ve never really been to a holiday office party. I guess…be professional AND fun at the same time?
But make sure you say “Um, I don’t drink” 3248902849023 times so that everyone feels SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE and then pegs you as “oh, a non-drinker” for the rest of your time at the company. Such is our life.
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We’re going bowling for our office party. I’m not all that jazzed honestly. I don’t really love bowling. BUT! I am inviting some friends/coworkers over my apartment after for the real party. I’m excited about that. I like parties that I host the best but I’m pretty okay at most social situations. Helps that I am an extrovert, a talker and a flirt. 😉
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I’m not one to try joining in a current conversation. I would rather sit back and have people come to me. Guess I’m on the shy side.
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I wish I had tips for you but I am socially retarded. 🙂 I’m okay in situations with people I know but put me in a room of strangers and I’m likely to find an excuse to leave as soon as possible, after I’ve stuck my foot in mouth a few times. Seriously, I can always find something inappropriate to say.
Good luck–I’m sure you’ll be fine. 🙂
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Hey Kim!
Great question! First, whew! Lots of parties this week! Wow! For the party-phobic person, it could be quite a week of anxiety… LOL!
We went to my husband’s old work group’s holiday (house) party last weekend. (He changed companies about a month ago.) Found that most of the conversation was about work.. and I stayed very quiet (becoming more common for me as I get older, it seems – what’s that about??). But I guess the only advice I’d offer (and that I’m trying to practice much more often) is to ask about the other person, keep redirecting back to him/her – people like to talk about themselves.
Enjoy your parties!
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ick i hate schmoozing which is something i have to do a lot in hollywood, but i think it’s not as bad when it’s people you work with and not a bunch of superficial strangers!
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We don’t have a holiday party at L’s, but we have one at my new job, which is this Friday!
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gah! I hear you there. I always feel so awkward at holiday parties. I definitely end up sticking very close to just my “clique” because I don’t really know half the people I work with! That’s pretty sad, I know…
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A party of 300?!!! Whoa….that’s…big. I can totally see why you are feeling overwhelmed.
But I guess this goes back to the whole “new girl” thing…just smile, shake hands with anyone who smiles back, introduce yourself, pretend you’re having fun, and people will be drawn to you…because I’ll bet more than half of them are feeling pretty awkward themselves!
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My work doesn’t do Christmas parties. Apparently they used to but stopped after someone got a DUI or got in a car accident or something like that.
In general, I always feel like I have a hard time breaking into conversations. I don’t know why but it’s not fun 🙁
Unfortunately, no tips! Other than staying safe!
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