Focus on a solution, not the problem
The other day, I was trying to describe a characteristic of someone who was (is) driving me nuts to Steven. But I couldn’t quite get it right. Of course, when listening to Jillian Michael’s 6/14 podcast yesterday, she explained it precisely. She said:
Surround yourself with positive people. Hang out with people that are focusing on a solution, not a problem. Hang out with people that are proactive, NOT victims.
Jillian was talking about this in the context of health, how hanging around people like this can discourage you from reaching your own health goals, but it is amazing how it applies to so many other aspects of life.
It’s the whole “focusing on a solution, not a problem” part. I am totally one for bitching and letting out steam, but it seems some people have a hard time getting past that point and getting things DONE. These people tend to dwell in how “bad” things are, and just get themselves more and more worked up, making it harder to get closer to a solution.
From time to time, we all dwell in a problem, for maybe a bit longer than we should. We wallow in it, and let the frustration/anger/sadness/what have you build up until we’ve reached a point of mental exhaustion, and either do something about it, or let it go.
But what I am learning is that some people approach every issue/challenge/problem this way. Yikes. That amount of daily stress cannot be healthy! Do you know anyone like this?
Themocracy
People at work complain ALL THE TIME, so I’m trying to take everything in stride. I know it might be because they’ve all been there for awhile and have let things get to them, and I hope I don’t become like that. I think part of the problem is with our manager, who isn’t necessarily open to suggestion. Bah!
I LOVE proactive people. The energy that’s created when you all have people willing to do the work on anything? So wonderful, even if it’s not the same thing. 🙂
YES! I am totally with you. It’s that whole shit or get off the pot philosophy.
it’s so hard for me to get out of the negativity rut as i like to call it!!!! but yes, hanging around positive/proactive people does help!!! i just hate being stuck at work with negative “debbie downers” like i am… that doesn’t help!!!
dc is always telling me i need to focus on the solution instead of the problem!!! it sounds like you are on the right track though!!! mad props to you!!!
=^..^=
p.s… where do you find the podcasts at?!
My mother-in-law is like this, and as a result Torsten can be like this as well. When it happens I point it out to him, though, and that helps.
Oh dear god yes I know people like this. I’ve significantly cut those types of people out of my life because they SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF LIFE.
My husband would probably say I tend to be a ‘victim’ instead of finding solutions, but I would disagree. Or maybe I just keep my complaints to myself.
My mom once went to a seminar where they said people are either “poopers” or “scoopers” and that life is hard for the “scoopers”.
oh my lord YES. everyone is entitled to wallow / bitch / complain when shit hits the fan. but then maybe start thinking of ways to prevent future shit-fan-hitting episodes, instead of just complaining and moaning and whining when it just. keeps. happening. and you do nothing to change the situation….!!
YES! I once had a roommate who would respond to my “Oh, it’s beautiful outside today!” with, “It’s gonna rain tomorrow.” Needless to say, she was only my roommate for one year. 🙂
I truly think if people focus on the negative, things will seem that much darker to them. And it’s amazing how people like that effect others. I have some close friends who are negative and “whiners,” and while I don’t want to lose their friendships, I do try to “limit” my time with them. It makes a HUGE difference!
Even more of a pet peeve for me are the people who go around looking for reasons to be angry and hostile — they are proactive at finding problems, not at solving them.
I feel like I have a can tendency to complain for a while, but I feel like I know when it’s time to put on my big-girl panties and fix something if I can, or learn to deal with it if I can’t.
Oh, I am SO without on this. I am a professional venter… but when I finish? I’m DONE. I let it go. I forget about it completely.
Or, if it’s a real problem… I do something about it. Go to the source, try to work it out… and then make a decision.
Simple as pie.
Oh yeah, I know WAY too many people like this (especially at work). I try to stay away as much as I can because I’ve been sucked into their drama too many times before!!!
I’ve been listening to Jillian’s podcasts for a couple of weeks now. It was actually on one of your posts awhile back that I found out that she had a radio show. So thanks!!! Whenever I’m starting to feel down about something or unmotivated, I listen to her. It’s really helped!!!
Sad to say, my HUSBAND is like this. Makes it hard to remove myself. =/
I can get sucked into a good rant, but I try to steer the conversation so it finishes on something positive.
Some people don’t want solutions- they just want to vent. And typically aren’t too happy if you start presenting options for how to change the situation or their reaction to it.
Does this mean you’re never going to hang out with me again? *sniffle*
My mother in law is like this. It could be sunny and beautiful out and she could find a way to make that not good. I call her a fun sucker because she is just so set on wallowing in misery all the time and thinking “poor me” that it sucks the fun out of things. I am not one to sit and complain about things, I am a fixer. If there is something wrong, I like to fix it. If I can’t fix it, I deal with it and move on. I am fine with being there for someone when they are down, but after complaining about the same thing for a long time I lose my patience and end up not being a great friend because I just don’t understand letting whatever problem continue for so long and not DOING something about it.
That totally makes sense! I have a few friends who are SO down and out alllll the time and it drives me nutty. I have a hard time hanging out with them. Pessimists…it’s possible to turn your life around and become an optimist! I did.. 🙂
College was very hard for me because unfortunately I was in a crowd of people that focused on problems and not solutions. Most of my girl friends were too content complaining about how unhappy they were with their weight or boyfriends or grades, etc. to bother finding a solution. It was a stifling and frustrating four years. Since graduating in May, I already feel a lot happier not being around those people and not dealing with their solution-less problems!
While it’s not always easy to keep away from life energy vampires, I do my best. Fortunately, I’ve developed adequate shielding over the years to better protect myself!
Susan – What a bummer! That surely doesn’t make you feel good about starting a new job! At least you can keep a positive attitude!
Kyra – Exactly. Why does it feel like those people are sometimes so hard to find?
Beth – Ha! I have never heard that saying but I LOVE IT!
CourtneyInControl – Maybe when we are around nasty people like this, we just have to keep repeating positive things to ourselves, since no one else is? The podcasts can be found here – http://www.kfi640.com/pages/podcasting/. Just go over to “Sunday” and you can right click to download them!
Jess – It is something that is easily passed down from your parents if they are like that. I have definitely noticed that 😉
sizzle – That is what I was thinking when I wrote this. LIFE SUCKERS!!!
Erin – Aww, that is a cute way to think of it. And I think it is okay to complain! Just not all the time. You don’t seem to be that type.
Alice – Ah, yes. The people who have the same drama over and over because they keep doing the same thing and not learning from it. Duh.
Holly – Ugh! I would get so frustrated with a roommate like that! I have been trying to avoid these people as well. Sometimes you are stuck with them though – family, coworkers, etc.
Jen – I have met people like that too – always looking for an issue, or they turn everything positive into something negative. Gosh, life must be so awful for them. So draining.
LiLu – Simple… for some? Don’t these people realize how much time they waste complaining all the time?
nancypants – I am happy you like Jillian as well! She’s really insightful… or at least, straight-forward! After you listen to her stuff, you’re like “Oh yeah, that’s obvious!” but we can’t always think straight for some reason.
Holly – I am sorry. Does he want to get better at it?
claire – Sometimes you do just need to let people vent. But sometimes, especially when it is a group problem, it gets you no where!
kapgar – LOL! You are not like this AT ALL.
tori – I am sorry that someone you have to see often is like this! I will send you an email…
Bethany – I avoid people like this too. It’s too bad, because sometimes you have to stop talking to people you really care for.
Julia – I am happy you were able to get away from it! I hope your girlfriends grow up.
Dave2 – Share your secrets! 😉
mmmm. I AM this person right now. However, I am always constantly moving towards the solution which is why I have been working like a crazy person, but I still love me some wallow.
I will try to quit bitching though. Good post.
Hotch Potchery – LOL. I wasn’t trying to call you out. It’s okay to bitch! As long as you are moving towards a solution, which you are 🙂