The architect I’ll never be
Last November, when I was offered a new job, I decided to ask my boss out for “coffee” (I don’t drink coffee) to discuss the situation. I wanted to give him a heads up of what was going on, as well as ask his opinion on what I should do. I felt like he was a mentor, as well as a boss, and his opinion was (still is) highly important to me.
Of course… he thought I shouldn’t take it, that I would hate it, and it would ruin my career. Oh well. You’ll have that.
Anyway, we started to discuss my performance in the office. He had a lot of very nice things to say about me, but did mention one thing that bothered him – that I didn’t seem to be doing much research on my own about our profession outside of the office. That I wasn’t reading the trade magazines or coming up to him saying, “Did you read about that project at such and such location? What did you think about the glazing system they used? Blah blah blah.”
He was/is right. I’ve received an issue of Architectural Record every month since I’ve graduated. I never finish reading an issue. Sometimes, I don’t even open it! And I feel kind of guilty. And I feel kind of… not guilty.
I was so burned out at that job that I didn’t feel like devoting any extra time to personal, self-enriching career-related research. I often worked through my lunch break so that I would only have to work an 9-hour day. The last thing I wanted to do was spend what little free time I had thinking about work-related topics.
I kind of asked him when he expected me to be doing this research… because if he wanted me to sit around at work looking at trade magazines and websites, I would be more than happy to. But that wasn’t the case. I explained to him that I got home around 7:30 each night, ate dinner, exercised then went to bed. And yes, I do spend almost 3 hours on the train, but a lot of the time I am sleeping, because I only get 6 hours of sleep a night. So… wah. Wah wah wah.
I didn’t say it to him, but the thing is, I don’t want my career to define who I am. I want it to be a part of me, and I want to discuss it with people, and I want to love what I do (which I DO), but I don’t want to be… THAT architect. The one who lives for architecture. The one who devotes ALL OF THEIR TIME to being an architect. That’s just not me. I have too many other interests in my life that I want to devote my time to: travel, running, bowling, volunteering, restoring the Datsun (are you reading, Steven?), spending time with family and friends… you get the idea.
The funny thing is, now that I have a new job, and don’t feel so overwhelmed all the time, I think I COULD find time to read those trade magazines. And maybe I will.
Themocracy
And it’s perfectly fine if you don’t. 🙂
I am subscribed to some trade magazines, and I read a lot of industry news online–LinkedIn does a nice job of organizing it so I can just pop in on it all in one place. I have to be aware of what’s happening if only to know where to swoop in and recruit people from when times change. And also I feel stupid when candidates know more about what’s going on in the industry than I do. Lately I spend more time reading HR articles only because it enforces what I am trying to study for the test.
But, you are still so early in your career, I really wouldn’t get too hung up on it. Enjoy your life–work is NOT life!
Some people are very ANAL about their job. They eat, sleep and drink their job.
They are very boring people. Because, usually it is ALL they are able to talk about.
Does reading ALL of the Architecture magazines make your old boss a better Architect, not necessarily. If he is reading all of these magazines, what does he do to unwind or relax? And when does he have time to do it? You have to have diversified interests. Read them only if you WANT to, not because someone made you feel guilty because you aren’t. Your free time is a very precious thing. Enjoy it!
Do what makes YOU happy and don’t worry about what others THINK you should be doing. You’ll know when it’s time to start reading every single article that comes along. Does anyone really do that?
diane – I SHOULD make more of an effort, like you do. But you’re right – right now it is so early in my career that I am still learning a lot in the field. There is a lot of new stuff for me to take in everyday. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
Denise – Oh yeah. They ARE boring. And I think people really DO read all of that stuff, obsessively. I had classmates like that in school. I don’t think my old boss is like that – I know he is active in other interests as well. But he was more committed than me!
You have an interest in the Datsun!?!?!?! You’re going to help restore the Datsun!?!??!?! vjnhgnvjggjvnhgjbjnvbvnjnbnvbjgbnjnjgnjjnn…Sorry, that was my jaw dropping on the keyboard… 😉
I hate it when employers expect your every waking moment to be about the job. And far too many people buy into this mantra. I blame this train of thought for being the primary reason behind our country’s ridiculously high divorce rate.
I think life needs balance. Work shouldn’t be the only thing you do! (and I need to remind my husband of this quite often!) I know it is hard when it seems like everyone is doing extra but sometimes you need to refuel yourself too in order to be better at your job and everything else in your life too.
for me, i have to have a very distinct divide between work and life. i felt bad about not being “ambitious enough” or “career minded enough” for a few years… then i realized something important about me: i work so that i can afford life. work is not my life; work is what i do so that i can have all the fun experiences when i’m not at work. that made me feel a LOT better.
I am a huge huge HUGE proponent of work/life balance and hate working for people that are not. I think that in this day and age, it is okay to be focused on your job when the time is right but also leave that in the dust and enjoy your personal life.
Steven – ummmmmmmmmmmmm…………………………… yeah!
kapgar – That could be. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who was a workaholic. It makes you feel… unimportant as the spouse.
tori – I think if you spend too much time in “work mode,” you become less productive overall. Being like that all the time just leaves you drained!
Alice – I am happy you shared that with me. Because right now, I have a lot of people expecting me to do certain things, when for now, I just want to work so I can enjoy life outside of work, like you 🙂
Hilly – I am with you – all about being serious at work, but enjoying my time outside of work. Even if it means leaving the office on time 😉
you have such wise friends leaving excellent comments!!!! brownie points for throwing the Datsun in!!! lol i couldn’t agree more with there needing to be a balance between work and life… i know i get so burned out when there isn’t… and i really like and agree with what Alice said- i work so that i can enjoy life!!! in my personal opinion, that’s what it’s all about!!!
=^..^=
YAY for you for not wanting to be defined by your job. Really, how boring would THAT be? And there is so much more to than that. Dealing with a three hour commute is awful enough as it is time taken away both from your life and from work as well. So unless you can use that time wisely (in your case, sadly, sleep was the best thing), it is a big vacuum of things you could be enjoying. I am glad you aren’t so stressed and crunched for time at your new job that you can actually enjoy more of it, even spending some personal time to invest in it. It sounds way better than the previous situation for sure! 🙂
So, I think I’m going to echo your other readers here, but I also think it’s important enough to hear it one more time. Just about 10 years ago, I had been in a very demanding job for my first few years out of undergrad. I traveled four days a week and worked long hours, sometimes weekends, too. My co-workers often asked when I was going to get my MBA, because it was pretty much expected in our industry. I told them, I wasn’t. And I really began hating work. I hated myself, too. Because, my life was work. And when it wasn’t work, all I wanted to do was sleep, because I wasn’t getting enough of it at work.
And so, I got out. People made fun of my decision to go to a very plain job (in the same industry, but one that doesn’t require travel). I watched as one of my best friends (who was then my equal at work) shot up professionally and soon earned double what I was making. But, you know what? I was (and still am) OK with that. I worked a solid 9-10 hours a day (now, I’ve managed to get it down to 9 hours a day). Stopped caring about industry news. Worked hard at work. But, left work at work. Had a life outside work. And had weekends that were 100% mine. I’ve never once felt regret over that decision.
No one should express dismay if you’re balancing work and life. No one. And if they are, I’d venture to guess they’re doing so because they have yet to figure out that balance for themselves.
I have a few subscriptions to Interior Design magazines and all I ever do is look at the stuff in them! I never read any of the articles! Woops! 🙂 When I find something I like I rip it out!
I totally hear you. Work should NOT define who we are. Too often we let it, and it always leads to an identity crisis when we lose or move on from that job, or we’re not happy, etc. I find that the more you enjoy what you’re doing, however, the more likely you are to put more effort into it (like you are finding).
Work to live, not live to work.
I, like many of the commenters, let work define me for far too long. I was on laptop/blackberry 24 hours a day, and had a boss who expected me to answer everything ASAP because she had no life (though, she didn’t follow her own credo and once yelled, yes yelled, at me because I hadn’t told her something…which I had, in the email she hadn’t bothered to check). Sure I was rising fast and all that…but now I work about 8 hours a day, read industry stuff sometimes (largely because it is an industry that is always in the news and it helps my in my life to udnerstand it), and don’t take work home with me much. Way, way better.
I’ve had a recent conversion of sorts on the subject.
Ideally, I’m still of the “work to live, not live to work” mindset. But in practice, I find myself increasingly doing the opposite — studying industry stuff on my own, outside of work. It’s expected in IT (we in IT tend to be treated like slaves, for dozens of reasons I won’t enumerate here), true, but not *absolutely* necessary… Yet, lately I’ve been treating work as life — and *liking* it. (For better or worse, that’s sort of the way consulting goes; industry rags even call the profession a “lifestyle” – which I think is accurate…) I didn’t behave this way a year ago, and would’ve (and did) screeched at the idea of working outside of work.
I think one big difference, in my case, is that my employer allows me somewhat more freedom and flexibility to do as I please than any I’ve had before, by a large margin. If there’s something I think might be useful and marketable, they’re pretty encouraging of me to study it (even on their time, as time permits) and report my findings… I’m treated more like a professional than a cog in a machine.
I have a professional/academic cross-over monthly magazine I receive. I’m about 9 months behind on reading them (partly because they’re too academic for what I’m doing professionally, or the articles are not as well-researched as I’d expect, or I simply forget I have the magazine in my backpack), but so far, I have been reading every one I get…
CourtneyInControl – That is the last thing Steven said to me last night before he got in bed – “so, you want to work on the Datsun?!” 😉
teeni – I am starting to despise the commute. And yes, even though I am not driving, what you say is true – it is time taken away from life and work – I could be doing so many other things. But I am grateful to feel more relaxed at this job. Very grateful 🙂
SoMi’s Nilsa – Thank you for sharing that story! Because I can truly relate. It seems like sometimes when you are in a certain career, people expect you to follow a certain path – or they view you as a nothing. Well, it DOESN’T have to be like that – and YOU’RE proving it!
Christina – Hey, at least you’re opening them! You’re one step ahead of me! 🙂
Marissa Kristal – I actually thought about you when I wrote this! I thought about how being a writer probably requires you to bring a lot of personal experience to work, and maybe feel like you are working ALL THE TIME. But I know you keep it balanced. And I know you love it 🙂
annie – I could write a whole post about that – getting upset about not knowing something, when really, you failed to read an email, listen to a voicemail, read the meeting minutes. Ugh. I am happy you got away from that. It seems like those people never change and are only around to make things worse for the rest of us!
E – I think if I was given time at work to research personal things like that, it would be more enticing. But because I wasn’t, I wasn’t doing it. That’s so cool that you have this job where they let you do your own thing, when you can. I wish all jobs could be like that – but not everyone is as hardworking and trustworthy as you are, I’m sure 😉
I don’t think one’s career should define who they are, unless it’s something that you are excited to do. A job that you like and enjoy. Like a film director or a graphic artist.
For me as a Network and Email administrator, I’ve been doing this so long that it’s gotten to a point of burn out. I tell people what I do, but the excitement is gone. Which basically means I need to find something to do that I like and am proud to have define me.
Happy to know that your new job is not overwhelming. That’s a nice thing to have.
martymankins – If I had a REALLY cool job (like working at Skywalker Ranch or something) I would be ALL ABOUT IT. But, I don’t. We don’t. MANY don’t!!! I hope you find something that excites you more… maybe your writing?! 🙂