I’m starting to think that maybe I am NOT stuck in a slump (mood wise), but am really just a kind of negative person. Because if I was just stuck in a slump, wouldn’t all of those negative thoughts have left my head by now?
At the beginning of each week, I have to repeat little mantras in my head: Smile, Don’t swear so much, Don’t say that out loud, Be nice, DON’T GOSSIP, Don’t judge people… I have to actually, mentally remind myself not to do these things.
And the thing is, I FEEL like I’m a really happy person. I like my work, I love my husband and family, I get to do a lot of fun activities… so, why why why do I have all these sarcastic, mean thoughts in my head?
I’m not sure how to get rid of them, but I am going to TRY not to say them out loud. Because I am embarrassing myself, and probably Steven as well.
And maybe this is just a human characteristic, but it’s one I don’t want.
Ever since we started bowling so vigorously three months ago, my left hip has been in a lot of pain. It usually begins to flare up towards the middle of the second game. By the third game (and there’s almost always a third game), I am almost hobbling back to the seating area after I play.
Then, for the next few days, I am in quite a bit of pain whenever I get up out of a chair, or sometimes even when I am just walking around. The pain never really goes away completely, because we go bowling almost every three days.
Everyone keeps telling me I need to stretch out before I play. Fine. I’ll stretch out. BUT HOW to I stretch out my hip area?! (No perverted suggestions – you know I’m talking to you!)
I imagine that if I got rid some of the extra weight I am carrying around it wouldn’t hurt so much. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Whenever I write a seemingly personal post, like yesterday’s, I feel like I should follow up with something more generic. Something true, but something that doesn’t make me feel so exposed.
And I think I am trying to do that with today’s topic, but I really think it makes me sounds like a… jerk. Oh well. Maybe you can relate to the topic.
So, here’s a truth about me: I don’t trust other people’s judgment in movies AT ALL (except Steven – because he knows what I like and don’t like). If someone tells me a movie is good, I really won’t believe them. I’ll ask them questions about WHAT they liked about it, but I won’t believe it is good until I see it for myself.
We all have different tastes. And when someone recommends a movie to you, they are just trying to be nice. I understand that, because I DO IT TOO. I am such a hypocrite. I often find myself telling people, “I watched whatever movie this weekend and I really think you would like it.” I am even guilty of sending people DVDs in the mail because I think they will like them (so dad, what did you think of Idiocracy?).
And I really hate feeling disappointed when I see a movie, and don’t like it. Especially when it is something A LOT of people have told me they liked (and even critics liked), and I was actually starting to look forward to seeing it – like Wanted. I felt bored in the theater, and that a lot of it was predictable. I didn’t find the action that exciting, or the story even that interesting. I did love seeing the scenes in Chicago… but I wouldn’t see it again. Or recommend it to anyone else.
But who cares, right? I’m sure some people would never want to see the movies I am looking forward to this summer. Again, it’s all personal taste. But it’s also something we feel compelled to share with each other for some reason.
Kyra’s post about weight today really struck a chord with me, mainly the part when she said (wrote?), “Sometimes I feel as though I have had to give myself permission to lose weight.”
For at least three-quarters of the past year, I haven’t really cared about my body. I ate whatever I wanted and put on weight. I just didn’t care. Even when I saw pictures of myself looking awful and unhealthy. Even when Steven tried to help me. I just didn’t have the right attitude. I wasn’t ready to take care of myself.
Then, a few weeks ago, I started eating healthy again, or at least making healthier choices (unfortunately not on the 4th of July weekend, or this weekend, but… I was at least conscious). I’m not exercising again yet, but I can see this all headed that way.
What worries me, is that I have NO IDEA what made me want to change. NO IDEA AT ALL. I gave myself the permission to be healthy, but why?
So while I am trying to take care of myself now, I know that it could all change again.
I just wish I could figure myself out. Because the physical weight is more than physical. It’s beginning to weigh down on me mentally as well.
Whew. What a weekend. I’m so happy I took tomorrow off as well. I need to rest.
We went to our first Cubs game today…
The nerve wracking 9th inning
The Cubs lost, but we still had fun!
On our way to the ballpark, while we were still in the Loop, a woman stopped me on the street to ask how to get to the Cubs game. Long story short, I told her how we were getting to the game, but that I wasn’t sure if that was the right way to go.
A man shows up at her side and says, “Maybe if you didn’t get your education at Iowa State University, you would know where you’re going.”
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I look at this guy, and it is my boss from when I worked at ISU for the Environmental Health & Safety Department! His wife saw people wearing Cubs shirts (us) and stopped to ask for directions, even though he didn’t want to. What are the odds of that encounter? He lives in Ames and I haven’t seen him since May ’07 (we’ve only been in contact through email).
We rode to the game together, and I gave him my business card and asked that we meet again before he leaves town (he’s in for a conference). I hope we get together again!
In other news: When my sister was packing her car for the drive home, she found a package addressed to me behind the bushes at our home! WTF? It arrived on Wednesday, and I didn’t even know it was there. I wasn’t expecting anything. To my surprise, it was an early birthday present from Gina! A cute little vase (that looks like a milk jar) with two gray kittehs that says “Friends”! I feel so awful that I didn’t know it was there. THANKS GINA!!! I can’t wait to use it. (I don’t mean to look demented in this photo, but like I said, it’s been a long weekend!)
Last weekend, while on the boat with Steven and my family, Steven leaned over to me and said, “If you stick your head out of the boat, and breathe through your nose, that’s kind of what it’s like when you are in free fall when you go skydiving.”
Of course, I lean over to the side of the boat, and my mom says, “Are you thinking about going skydiving?”
“Maybe someday, mom,” I answer.
“Well, I don’t think you should,” she is obviously worried. “Sometimes the parachute doesn’t open.”
Sure mom…
Kyle, Christina, Kim and Steven
Our parachutes opened!
I wasn’t scared/anxious until I was actually kneeling next to the open door in the airplane, ready to jump out. For a split second, I thought “What the hell am I doing all the way up here?!” But then I jumped, and loved it!
If you had to wear only one pin everyday for the rest of your life, what would be on it/what would it say?
Using the “flair” application on Facebook made me think of this. It seems like the flair can actually be used to say a lot about yourself!
Kim’s Facebook flair
But what if you had to limit it to only one pin? I think mine would have something to do with my love and compassion for animals. Maybe this “I Love Animals” Pin? I think that says a lot about me, or at least gives people an idea of whether or not they’d like me!
Steven and I have been having fun with our bowling league. We don’t really have a chance of scoring first place in the league, because we missed the first three games, and all of those points were counted as losses. But we still have fun, meeting with different bowlers each week, cheering them on, making jokes, and watching their bowling styles. And we do win games – just not enough to make a “comeback.”
So far, everyone we’ve met has been really cool and fun. Until this week. The team we played was crabby and antisocial from the get-go. That’s fine with me, I am not there to screw around or be goofy, and if they don’t want to be friendly… whatever.
But I guess they made a few snide remarks to Steven about why we were winning. And they refused to sign the scoreboard at the end of the night (the captain signs from each team).
Bad sportsmanship is never cute, especially when you’re an adult.
Grow up.
It seems like I have been around kids a lot lately. A few of Steven’s high school and college friends have young children. Our neighbors (that we have become friends with, not our immediate neighbors) have a young daughter. Two of my coworkers brought their kids to the bowling party. Beth brought her two daughters to dinner last night.
HRC with Beth + girls and Kevin
I don’t plan on having children anytime soon, but when I meet all of these cute, sweet and well-behaved kids, I think “Maybe someday!”
Maybe.
Anyway, the things kids want to talk about totally cracks me up. They are always straight-forward and unashamed about what interests them. Wouldn’t it be nice if adults could be like that (sometimes) as well?
Some of the amusing questions kids have asked me lately:
- What was your favorite grade in school?
- Is it hard living in Chicago?
- How many cats do you have? (this one seems to be popular)
- What’s your cat’s name?
- Do you have any kids?
I don’t know why I think it’s so cute that they ask questions like that. I just do. (And I just love the stories that Tori tells about her kids. Okay, now I really sound like a freak. Enough of that)
Isn’t it funny trying to explain blogging and blogger-meetups to a non-blogger?
I got into this conversation with my boss tonight, when I told him I was going to meet Beth and Kevin. (He saw I was looking at Beth’s site, then asked what the heck I was looking at (her pictures from an American Girl Store visit), so I went on to tell him this was her blog, and I was meeting her tonight, and blah blah blah.)
He actually sounded interested, and told me to have a good time when I left.
I’m happy he didn’t ask, “Now, why would you want to meet up with people you don’t even know?” I’ve heard that’s a common non-blogger response.
Why does anyone meet up with people they don’t know? To try to create new friendships? That is always my hope. I think it probably worked tonight. We had a great time!
Comments (9) 
Themocracy