Not a clue
Kyra’s post about weight today really struck a chord with me, mainly the part when she said (wrote?), “Sometimes I feel as though I have had to give myself permission to lose weight.”
For at least three-quarters of the past year, I haven’t really cared about my body. I ate whatever I wanted and put on weight. I just didn’t care. Even when I saw pictures of myself looking awful and unhealthy. Even when Steven tried to help me. I just didn’t have the right attitude. I wasn’t ready to take care of myself.
Then, a few weeks ago, I started eating healthy again, or at least making healthier choices (unfortunately not on the 4th of July weekend, or this weekend, but… I was at least conscious). I’m not exercising again yet, but I can see this all headed that way.
What worries me, is that I have NO IDEA what made me want to change. NO IDEA AT ALL. I gave myself the permission to be healthy, but why?
So while I am trying to take care of myself now, I know that it could all change again.
I just wish I could figure myself out. Because the physical weight is more than physical. It’s beginning to weigh down on me mentally as well.
Themocracy
Maybe it’s not so much of an internal question, as it is an external one. You had a lot of stress going on. When that slows down, you don’t just bounce up and say “Great! Next challenge!’ You need a break. Most people hit a wall. A sort of period where they’re dozing in their life. Sometimes it can turn into depression… but I think for most it’s more of a down period.
Maybe you’re just coming out of that?
I have no idea but you will probably be more successful with it than if you set down and decided to do it because of some external factor. I did the same thing with my finances…..2 years ago I gave myself permission to forgive myself for all my bad decisions and just let them go. Now I am out of debt and realizing it was just some switch that said I could do better so I did. It wasn’t some huge crises that made me want to do it!!!
Don’t question why you made the change, just enjoy the fact that you’ve got the mental mindset to do it. That’s the toughest part is getting yourself to want to do it.
Exactly kapgar! Don’t question it….go with it!
I know that switch well- something internal shifts and the commitment to losing weight or being healthy takes a new shape. I have totally been there. Lately I haven’t been exercising but instead, beating myself up mentally about not doing it. For me, exercise has a lot of negative emotional baggage from my childhood so I get stuck very easily. Yet, when I actually DO exercise I feel worlds better.
I can’t explain why it happens or how come they can’t bottle that feeling into a pill to help keep us on track. 🙂 I hope that you can keep that feeling and go with it because you deserve to love your body and what you look like. Do what makes you feel good!
Kapgar is right. It’s not the “should I”, it’s the “I am doing it.” As much as I want to go to the gym, I still don’t make time for it. I let too many other things get in the way. Then I look at myself and how I huff and puff just going up a few flights of stairs and re-push myself. But until I finally end up with my running shorts and tank top on and running on the treadmill, I can only keep talking about it.
I figure that one day, i will just say “enough!” and it will be a regular habit again.
Kyra – I think that is part of it… and I hope I am coming out of it. But how do I prevent it? Or learn to manage it differently? I know a lot of it is stress, but I can’t seem to control myself sometimes… I know you understand. *hugs*
Felicia – You’re on to something – usually when I have an external factor/goal (i.e. “fitting into a wedding gown,” or losing a certain amount of weight for a party or something), it doesn’t work. I just forget the mistakes, and do it for me!
kapgar – I’m just really worried it will go away 🙁 Really worried.
Amy – I am going to try!
sizzle – Thanks for your encouragement… and for relating… that makes me feel better. I wish we could figure it out. Because it was not a mental decision I thought about for a long time… it really was just a switch. I knew I needed to do it, but why I started eating healthy THAT day… I have no idea!
martymankins – When I am huffing and puffing up the stairs, I think the same thing – I need to exercise! But instead, I sit around and watch movies… or play on the internet. Maybe we both can get into the habit again 🙂
“Maybe we both can get into the habit again :)”
That sounds like a deal. Maybe we need to have a Blog Off… or some sort of contest… with photos as proof. I’m always thinking of creative ways to accomplish things, and it would be some ongoing blog posts as well.
martymankins – Yikes! That scares me… because I know it would make me actually do it, I suppose…
Oh I hear you on this one. My wedding is coming up in 3 months and I want to lose weight. I want to get back to a place I was a couple years ago. But, I just can’t get into a good groove. And every time I begin to take the right steps, shit like moving and vacations and other big stuff gets in the way and messes me up. Back to square one again. It’s definitely a battle – let me know if you figure out stuff that works. I could use some tips!
Why on earth would you want to prevent it? I know you mean the weight-gain habit thing, but the fact is that life balances. For ups, you have downs. You MUST have them, or your explode. You just need new coping mechanisms, and a reality check that you are human, not a machine. Minus having a baby, a death, or a new house, you are highly unlikely to go through such a massive series of events again. Realize that you came out of a good but stressful period intact. Forgive. Marvel at your ability to adjust. Then keep moving forward!
Nilsa – What I try to do is not look at healthier eating as a diet or temporary solution, but as a life-long goal… then, when all the vacations and parties happen, I can take a little break, but then get right back on track. OF COURSE, that is all HYPOTHETICAL. I am still trying to make it work for me! 🙂
Kyra – I just want to prevent that slump I was in… or deal with it better next time. Because it wasn’t really a big series of events… it was just me, not caring at all. 🙁
I hear you, my dear. I’ve been carrying around a bit more than I am comfortable with lately, and it really is taking a toll on my psyche. I’m trying a bit harder lately, but the older one gets, the harder it is.
Sigh.
I didn’t care either- it was like I spent so many years obsessing over every bite that I finally just had to stop & not care for a while.
But I think I care again now.
I lost 30 pounds last year by simply changing my diet – not eating fried food; avoiding all white breads. I felt great! Now, I’m sliding back up, pound by pound. I’ve lost the ability to say “I don’t need that donut” or “that french fry won’t taste good”. If you find a good way to win the battle, please share it with me!
Whiskeymarie – It sounds like you’ve reached the same point as me. Now we just need to make sure we don’t stop caring… because this last year has actually kind of scared me!
Kevin – Isn’t it amazing when you make simple changed like that, and it affects your health in such a big way? It’s hard to always be saying “no” though. Sometimes I feel like I am in for all or nothing – always saying no to treats, or always saying yes to them. I am trying to find moderation. I will let you know what I find… 🙂