What do you do if someone offers you an apology, but the thing they have done hurt you so much that you don’t want to accept the apology? What do you say?
I’m sorry. Okay.
I’m sorry. Thanks.
I’m sorry. Forget you, jerk.
I don’t think any of those are options. But I will never be able to accept an apology.
(I hate being so vague on this blog. Don’t worry, the incident is not recent. I am just thinking about it now.)
Hi! I'm Kim, a 34-year-old living in Chicagoland with my husband, Steven, and our cats, Khali, Apollo, and Starbuck. I work in the design industry (architecture), follow a vegan lifestyle, am addicted to running, and am an ACE certified personal trainer (working at Essential Fitness, LLC ("Efit"))! I write about a variety of topics, and consider this a "life" blog - a place I can share anything that's on my mind. Please visit the "About" page to get a better idea of who I am! :-)
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I would just say thank you for approaching me with an apology but right now I am not ready to discuss the incident (or something like that), I need more time (or maybe a better explanation of why it happened in the first place). That way you acknowledge that they tried but you also let them know it just isn’t ok.
I go with a “I hear you appologising, but I’m just not ready yet.
An appology does not require forgiveness. EVER.
Yea Kyra is so right. “Thank you for your apology” Nuff said.
i must agree with Kyra and Gina, “the thank you for your apology”… and a good call on the fact that an apology does not require forgiveness!!
Kyra has it right… I’ve used that exact same saying myself.
Of course, if the incident is REALLY offensive, you can always say “shove your apology up your ass,” which works good too!
just because one person is ready to apologize doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear it/accept it. you have to take care of you. besides, i think all too often people apologize just to “get it over with” so everyone can “move on” when it’s b.s.
i hope you find peace on this, for yourself.
I’ve told people that I’m not ready to talk about it (but that I’ll probably forgive them later). This is assuming that later I do think that I will.
If I never plan to, that’s another story. In that case I gotta assume I wouldn’t even be in the same room as them 🙂
I need to be a sheep here…I too have told people that I appreciate them taking the time to apologize but that I need more time to figure out if I even can forgive them.
Saying you are sorry and actually being sorry are two different things. I think too many people just toss “I’m sorry” out there thinking they will get an automatic pass with out actually feeling any regret at all.
i agree with what everyone is saying above…
“Thanks for the apology. I’m still hurt and not ready to forgive you. Please respect that I still have time.” That’s the mature response.
Mine is usually more like Dave2’s though… 😉
Thank you all for your responses. I was worried I wouldn’t get any – that this post was so vague and negative that no one would be able to relate and just tell me to quit holding a grudge. Unfortunately, that youo can relate probably means that a lot of you have been in the same situation.
I appreciate your advice and ideas for responses. I hope that when the moment comes, I do not end up saying something nasty (a la Dave2 😉 ) … but it will be hard not to. It is unbelievable how inconsiderate and rude and hurtful people can be.
Oh well!
I tend to just turn around and walk away. Ignoring someone can be more effective than actually saying something. Makes them start to think about what they’ve done.